Dialog 500 Entry For January 2016

"DAAAYYUMMM GUURRRLLL! You fine as frog hair! I swear to GAWD, I would low crawl 100 yards through broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie!!!"

"You are ridiculous, Jim! How are you? I wanted to ask you about Heather, she seems like real sweetheart! "

"Oh gosh Mary, I had to cut her loose. It was like the worst thing ever. "

"Oh no!! I really liked her. What happened?"

"So we go out and have like the best few dates ever!! Sex was awesome and we start introducing our circles. That was when she met you and your better half..."

"You are such an asshole!!!"

"Takes one to know one. But yeah, everyone loved her! I start meeting her friends and they were seriously the strongest argument for euthanasia that I have ever found. "

"Jesus!"

"No seriously, these people are fucking oxygen thieves. "

"You're terrible Jim. "

"Anyway, I hate every one of her friends that I met... I mean hate with the passion of a thousand fiery suns... I would rather stick my dick in a mouse trap, than spend any amount of time with these vile horrors of humanity. At first I thought it was isolated... I mean everyone has a bad day and all of us have that one asshole friend that we keep around. For serious though- every one of her friends is awful."

"Ok- so she has bad taste in friends, it does not make her a bad person..."

"Well then, I met her family… Shoot me in the face. Her family was the absolute worst. They are part of this cult that prays to prairie dog farts or some shit. I don’t know, these fucking people are weird. Not my cup of tea."

"What about her, Jim? Not her friends, not her family. What about her?"

"The first thing was the she puts mustard on her fries. What the hell is that? And then, she sounded like fucking Godzilla when she was eating. Close your fucking mouth. She literally walked like an awkward T- Rex and she would stutter during sex. I am co-c-c-c-cum-ccccc-c-c-commmmmm---mmmm-nng. It is fucking weird. I had to break it off. "

"You have zero social boundaries. You are a pig. Well, I guess I am sorry for your loss. "

"Yeah well, not all of us are lucky enough to hold someone hostage through a bullshit social contract and then spawn progeny upon the world. Parasites. "

"You are such an asshole."

"I think hookers are cheaper and more honest. Love is a lie. I guess that it will just be me and a myriad of women until the end. It is a good life, after all. By the by, do you have any single, hot friends?"

"I would have my friends date a honey badger before a misogynistic jackass such as yourself. "

"Love you too. Have Marcus call me when he gets home, we need to plan that bible retreat."

"You are insane, good night Jim. "