All about Blitzen's trustworthiness. |
Okay, I must say that when I saw the large, black flashing screen along the side of the interstate that read, “Don’t trust Blitzen,” my jaw dropped proximate to the realm of Adam’s apple and my eyes expanded to where pupils grabbed terry towels out of required modesty. So I stopped the car, since the shock required a driving time out; this ragging on Blitzen outré and unexpected. I sat there in a tizzy of befuddlement wrapped in outrage. The surrounding air was suddenly cold, and the sky turned gray. It was like unraveling a gold-thread tapestry; it was like ousting a link in a titanium chain, this unjust knock on Blitzen. After all it is a team, is it not? Those reindeer enabling Santa to traverse, with alacrity and with dispatch, all four corners of the Earth. If one cannot trust Blitzen, then how can one trust the entirety of the Santa express? Somebody’s idea of a joke? Some third party with too much energy and too much time, scheming with Toshiba screen and erecting a makeshift billboard to deflate the Yuletide hopes of Joe Q Public for kicks and thrill-a-minute satisfaction? Say it ain’t so, but I know they roam this earth, these rogues of civil unrest, these schmucks mucking custom, these oft too spawned mendicants of attention at any cost whatsoever. Nay, flashing red letters on a big black screen erected high along side the road make not for truth, anymore than the philosopher of old asserting ‘turtles all the way down’* makes for truth as to how the Earth is held in space. Don’t trust Blitzen? I dismiss such cold water splash, such undermining of convention. Why trust baseball, or apple pie, or even motherhood? I spun tires spitting gravel, hearing the staccato of pings upon steel pipes, and I watched as the screen faded in my rearview mirror, happy to maintain my steadfast trust in that team of tradition 37 Lines Writer’s Cramp 12-22-15 _______ *"Turtles all the way down" is a jocular expression of the infinite regress problem in cosmology posed by the "unmoved mover" paradox. The metaphor in the anecdote represents a popular notion of the theory that Earth is actually flat and is supported on the back of a World Turtle, which itself is propped up by a chain of larger and larger turtles. Questioning what the final turtle might be standing on, the anecdote humorously concludes that it is "turtles all the way down". |