Parental Guidance Advised

Running Head: Parental Guidance is Advised Page 1

Parental Guidance Is Advised

Elisabeth Howells

Ohio Christian University

December 3^rd, 2015

Authors Note

This paper was prepared for English 101T taught by Professor Spence

Parental Guidance Is Advised

What is bullying and better yet, what can be done about it? According to the U.S. Department of Justice, bullying includes the following: "assault, tripping, intimidation, rumor(s)..., isolation, demands for money, destruction of property, theft..., destruction of another's work, and name-calling."(2012). Found therein, bullying can greatly mar a child's life should they ever have to experience or go through something so cruel. Subsequently, the biggest prevention plan is the active role of parents. According to Allison Lowe-Fotos, "The earlier we start, the better...the foundation for healthy relationships begins at birth..." (2015). Parents are there from birth and are the first influences that a child has. Parents should take advantage of this fact and impress upon their children early. In an article titled "Give Kids a Voice to Stop Bullying", from psychology today, it is stated that the best thing a parent can give is quite frankly; assertiveness. Parents can teach their children what it means to be assertive, to seek respect due to them, and have confidence as a person, something that they will carry on with them for the rest of their lives. Without fully acknowledging this, parents are the first physical and emotional element a child is introduced to and what they compare their lives and actions to. Most do not understand how substantially early-childhood development shapes a life, making it all the more important for parents to take an active role in their child's life from the start and throughout!

Being a parent is unquestionably a difficult job for any person to undertake. Although the effects of parenting, influencing and disciplining below par can exponentially affect another person's life for the worse. A parent is the most influential stimulus a child will receive early on, so it is important to make those years count. Take for example this mother who had a talk with her son:

When I picked up my 10-year-old son from school last night, he was crying. I asked him what happened... I empathized that it is never fun to be teased and that I knew how he felt. I also explained that a lot of times bullies feel bad about themselves, and that's why they tease, (Coughlin, 2015)

Here the mother took an active role in her son's life by speaking with him and attempting to work together to help him deal with his problem. As Coughlin later states, her only flaw was trying to explain why bullies bully, because there is not a reasonable answer that can be given in truth (2015). Furthermore, in a later article from Coughlin, it can be understood that bullies go after easy targets, so teaching children to be assertive and have confident behaviors can help to make that target disappear. An assertive behavior will diffuse the situation and will get a less aggressive, more open-minded response. Being assertive also ties in with being confident and having a self-image that is unshakeable, undeterred, and is not swayed by "waves in the wind." Perry (PH.D) gives a professional opinion on this matter: "Confidence, most would agree, makes social life a lot smoother. It also makes it a lot safer. It's the single best shield against bullying..." (2005). Parents and others alike should take on their roles and show children how to truly become confident and assertive in what they do and watch the changes as they unfold.

What are all the different bullying techniques found in a child's environment? The Department of Justice attests that bullying could include anything from theft, rumors, and name-calling, to assault, demands for money, and destruction of another's property (2012). This is mostly physical bullying, but what about cyber bullying? From Thaler, it can be found that,

Cyber bullying had a similar sized effect on suicidal behavior, substance use, violent behavior, and unsafe sexual behavior as physical bullying. This finding provides further evidence of the potential consequences of cyber bullying. In contrast to physical bullying, cyber bullying has been found to be more difficult to avoid, anonymous, and likely to coincide with other forms of bullying. (2013)

Based upon these facts, bullying is not necessarily always physical, it can be mental, emotional, verbal, and non-verbal, breaching all aspects of young minds and hearts. As a person, seeing this take effect in any child, let alone a relative, can be upsetting. What can parents do to help prevent all this? A Public Service Announcement (PSA), from commonsense.org speaks out to adults that they can teach children to not "broadcast [their] location, send photos to strangers, or share passwords with friends. Ask: What kind of information can be unsafe to share, and what's fair game?"(2015) Teaching children what they should and shouldn't expose online will help them be less of a target. Posting addresses, phone numbers, or other specific information can be used as a tool for bullies, making the problem grow. Showing children what and what not to share online will greatly impact their lives and their future. Cyber bullying, a ubiquitous antagonizing method now, can be prevented the same as physical bullying. Teach standards and limits, stick by them, and do not let anyone cross them in any child's life.

The comfort in a mothers embrace, the security in a father's company are unbreakable bonds. The most integral part that parents compose in a child's life is providing a loving, caring home that instills confidence and self-esteem throughout. Cynthia Thaler (2013) tells us that those who experience bullying have negative psychological perceptions, "contributed to feelings of thwarted belongingness and perceived burdensomeness". When these situations comprise all that children are surrounded by all day, they need support and love at home to balance it all back out. If only negative elements are always being added to a scale, as with life, all other aspects will become skewed and outweighed in comparison. Don't let the only influence being added to that "scale" be negativity or that is all that will amount from it. Taken from Coughlin (2015), realize that the best a person can do is listen with empathy and be available for the child, because being bullied is not always the easiest to talk about, especially with parents. At commensense.org, they tell parents to,

Start by reading up on what's going on in your kids' world (for younger kids and older kids). Ask them to show you what they like online, and why. Make sure to listen... Then, express a few basic expectations, with the understanding that this isn't a one-and-done kind of chat. Good luck (you'll be fine). (2015)

This is quite simply the least that could be done as a parent. I know personally that a loving home and open-minded parents are the best confidence boosters because I have found this in my own home. Thanks to support from my parents, I find that I can take whatever the world throws at me because someone loves me and someone cares if I get hurt or mistreated. Not only my parents, but my ultimate parent that I have in Christ. If I have Christ by me, and the loving, caring parents that he gave me, I know that I can take on the world and any of its monsters. This is necessary to instill in all homes. Make known the love and care that is found in everyone there and see the marvelous change it can make. God will love unconditionally; take that marvelous gift and share in it with any and all. The best way to do that is for parents to be comforting, caring, and active in their child's life.

A parent is the single most effective player in the bullying game. The definition of a parent, from dictionary.reference.com is: "to parent children with both love and discipline."(2015). Being a parent involves an active participation in loving and caring for another person that they have responsibility and guardianship for. It is a parents' very job to be there as a model for their children and to teach a good foundation for the rest of their life to build atop of. Undertaking this simple task forms the best prevention plan against bullying. Adoration, attention, and attendance are all emotions and feelings that parents should sacrifice for their children. From commonsense.org, "Give kids tools to use in a crisis". What a parent should do is provide an example that that child will take into their life. Parents, take up that mantle and actively parent through loving, listening, and learning. All individuals working together will finally put an end to this infernal nonsense that bullying has become. Everyone has worked together to unintentionally create this monster, so it is now necessary to cage it and bring it to finality. In short, it is not essential to know everything to be a parent. It is not even necessary to do that much just as long as love is instilled, along with confidence and healthy relationships. Therein, success can, and will be found. Be a voice against bullying and teach children to do the same. Per the Bully Project motto, "It all starts with one."(2012)

Will you be that one?

References:

Commonsense.org (2015). Digital Citizenship Week. Retrieves from: http://www.commonsense.org

Coughlin, P. (2015). Help! My child is being bullied. Retrieved from:

http://www.cbn.com/family/parenting/coughlin_bully2.aspx

Definition of Parent. (2015). Retrieved November 6, 2015, from:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/parent?s=t

Lowe-Fotos, A. (Aug. 6, 2015). Stop Bullying from the Beginning. Retrieved from:

http://www.stopbullying.gov/blog/2015/08/06/stopping-bullying-beginning

Marrano, H.E. (Oct. 13, 2005). Fending Off Bullies. Retrieved from:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199805/fending-bullies

Thaler, C. (Sep. 19, 2013). Bullying in networked areas. Retrieved from:

http://journalistsresource.org/studies/society/education/bullying-networked-era-literature-review

What is Bullying? (2012). Retrieved November 6, 2015, from:

https://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/themes/51172dcc1ad07a63d6000002/attachments/original/1361410358/BullyingToday.pdf?1361410358

Whitson, S. (L.S.W). (Aug 25, 2013). Giving Kids a Voice to Stop Bullying. Retrieved from:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201308/giving-kids-voice-stop-bullying