Unrest

The days get to you
It’s hard to keep moving
The nights aren’t long enough
Lassitude becomes the norm

I don’t sleep well at night
These memories haunt me
I toss and I turn
Till morning comes

I’m on this new medicine
It’s supposed to help
I don’t think it is
But what do I do?

I cry constantly
The pain never lessens
Sorrow becomes routine
All strength is gone

The more I cry
The more they yell
With no one to mediate
The quandary gets worse

I drown in my tears
Yet somehow I smile
Put on a mask
Hide it all

My mask is slowly breaking
The pain is seeping through
People are starting to notice
What do I do?

I’m no longer jocular
I’ve become a pariah
No longer convivial
Nor as affable

My family is susceptible
And oh so disputatious
Each one polemical
And all contemptuous

Tonight she came in,
An ominous silence filled the air
Then she spoke
The din was horrible

This bellicose woman
With her lavish ways
Always so cruel
Truly not congenial

Her animosity surprised us
We had done something wrong
What happened?
What is this debacle about?

Why is she so cantankerous?
I don’t know what I did
I know I screw up
But, I try to be good

I have no words
So I give a stoical stare
This only makes her more nefarious
What am I to do?

My words mean nothing
Her mind is set
So she rebuffs everything I tell her
She assumed the truth

Her assumptions were wrong
She acts anyways
Her actions cause me pain
Made worse by my devious cousin

He tells her these lies
I don’t work
I am mean
All lies

This is really upsetting me
I was nonchalant
Working on homework
Relaxed and out of the way

Then she came in,
Maliciously she takes my computer
That is when I yell
“I was working on homework”

She yells at me and tells me i’m insolent
The next thing I know
My computer is thrown
It lands on my bed

Although it is fine,
I can’t contain my anger
She didn’t buy that
She doesn’t pay for me

My granny does everything for me
How dare my aunt throw something like that?
She never bought it
How does she have that right?

I understand taking something as punishment
But barely,
She still isn’t my guardian or anything
The contemptuous woman

Now I am crying and confused
Angry and upset
We fight for a bit
Then she gets in my face

She brings up every bad thing I have done
Can she not forgive?
All these banal events
She is so pretentious

My cousin says something
She castigates him then comes back
More yelling at me
It’s hard to take

When she finally leaves,
I sit on my bed
The tears fall down
My eyesight is blurry

I hear her censure my cousin and sister
There is nothing I can do

Ranting she picks up the decorations
Letting Roscoe out,
I want to go after him but my granny tells me no
He will come back

So I go to my room,
Sit on my bed,
Lay down,
And cry

My breathing gets fast
My chest closes up
It’s getting harder to breath
I feel like I’m suffocating

I try to make it stop
I try to breathe slowly
It’s so hard
I’m fighting to breathe

Slowly but surely,
I win the battle

Once I am better,
I decide to myself
He can’t be out there alone
I have to go get him

My cousin and sister are sitting on the steps
I tell them where I am going
Walking out I look around,
There he is

He takes off running,
So I follow suit
I start to realize how cold it is
Barefoot and freezing I continue after him

Finally,
I have caught him

My feet are numb
It’s like they aren’t even there
Goosebumps cover my arms

Once in the house,
I go to fold clothes
Somehow it helps
I’m slowly getting better

Tears still fall
But not as badly
My granny comes in
She helps me finish

We both go inside
It is past time for bed
Crying and whimpering,
I enter my room

How can I sleep?
I have homework
I want to be complacent
Does she not realize how detrimental this is?

I sit myself down
Stare at the screen
As tears fall down,
I begin…

“The days tend to get to you
It’s hard to keep moving”