Dressed to Kill

My name is Willow. I’m a Sunnydale High School Girl, and in Sunnydale, high school girls are always getting killed by vampires. Tonight it’s my turn, and Cordelia’s turn and Harmony’s turn!

We were asking for it. Dressed to kill (That’s not a figure of speech in Sunnydale), in shorts and halters, looking to pick up guys and do the deed. We put ourselves on the menu tonight.

Three vamps have us pinned down, pressing our bare backs against the pavement, in the parking lot behind the Laundromat. It’s one of the local spots, where Sunnydale’s vampires prefer to dine.

In the dark shadows behind the Laundromat, Cordelia and Harmony are squirming, squealing and dying beside me. Warren’s fangs are stabbed deep in Cordelia’s neck, and Jonathan’s fangs are killing Harmony; but my vamp Andrew is taking forever to get started.

“Come on!” I tell him, “Get on with it already!”

Now his cold mouth is against my neck. His heavy sharp fangs begin stabbing.

I squeal! I start to squirm.

I feel his fangs pull out, and his cold tongue licking the puncture holes.

He hasn’t killed me? He’s nibbled and he’s taking sips?

“Andrew,” I ask, “what the hell are you doing?”

“I can’t kill you Willow.” He says, “It’ll put me in too much danger.”

“Ahrgh!” I bellow, “I don’t believe this! Every time I get nailed by a vampire, there’s never any follow through! All I get is this nibble and sip crap! Is there something the matter with me?”

“No. It isn’t you. I love you Willow. I want to kill you, and make you my undead girlfriend.”

“Then why aren’t I dying right now, like Cordelia; and Harmony who’s already dead, instead of listening to you talking about it?”

“You were best friends with Buffy Summers, the Vampire Slayer.”

“But Buffy was killed six months ago.” I tell him, “You Vampires are in charge in Sunnydale now. The three of us are adapting to the way things are now, and we’ve decided that it’ll be best for us to join your team.”

He says, “We’ll only be in charge, ‘til the new Slayer shows up. That should be any day now.”

“Oh! Stop being a freaking weenie Andrew! Act like a vampire and kill me already!”

Now Andrew’s gone; so are Warren and Jonathan.

Cordelia and Harmony are dead on the pavement beside me. Their bodies are fatally drained of blood; just like anyone would expect them to be, and just like I expected to be myself.

Cordelia, Harmony and I had planned to come back undead at the same time. Then the three of us would transfer to the night classes at Sunnydale High. That’s where all the freshly vamped, really cool kids are enrolling, and where Vampires Cordelia and Harmony are sure to start dating cooler guys than Warren and Jonathan;

But I’ll have to show up at school alive on Monday morning, with a hicky!

I get up off the pavement and leave the two dressed to kill girls, lying dead behind the laundromat. I decide to head on down to the Bronze. There’s always plenty of action going on there. There’s no way I’ll get out of that place alive.

I step out of the parking lot, onto the dark side street, just off Main Street. Here a different vampire has a trim figured woman, in shorts and a halter, gripped tight in his arms, with his fangs chomped deep into her neck, and he’s sucking the life out of her fast.

He’s Spike. This is great! Who needs Andrew? I’m one lucky gal tonight!

How do you like this Spike? Now that the Slayer’s gone, you’ve got women lining up for you!

The woman in his arms is dying...dying...dead. He let’s go of her, and she collapses to the pavement. I recognize the successfully dressed to kill woman, lying dead at his feet. She’s Miss Calendar; my Teacher. It looks like she’ll be joining the undead members of the faculty, who’ve now begun teaching night classes, at Sunnydale High.

I walk up to him, as he belches softly.

“Hi Spike.”

“Evenin’ Red”, he says in his cockney accent.

“Spike.” I tell him, “I hope you’re not too busy. I’d like you to do me a favor. Could you just take a minute, and give me a kill?”

“I’d love to Willow, but it seems like everyone in town wants to get vamped tonight. She’s the third meal I’ve had this evening, and I’m totally stuffed. I just can’t force another drop down.”

“Ahrgh!” I howl again. “I don’t believe this!”

“It’s okay love.” He tells me. “Just come back here tomorrow night, right after sunset. I promise to make you my very first kill, and it won’t be like this wham bam thank you ma’am. I’ll do you in, the way a lady should be done in. We’ll make a night of it.”

“A night of it?” I smile, “You mean a date? A date with death?”

“Exactly.” He tells me, “Dinner, dancing and death.”

It’s now the following night. Spike’s taken me to the classiest restaurant in town, where l actually dined on Lobster. He only drank one glass of wine. Then we went to the Bronze, where both of us slow danced. Andrew was there alone. He looked angry when he saw me with Spike. I ignored him. Cordelia and Harmony were also there, accompanied by Warren and Jonathan. When they saw me still alive and with Spike both girls looked envious.

Then I left the Bronze with Spike.

I asked, “Anything else? Before you kill me?”

“Is there anything else you’d like to do?”

“Well,” I told him, “One thing I don’t want to do, is die a virgin.”

He’s just taken care of that! Orgasm included!

Now Spike and I have returned to the same spot, where he killed Miss Calendar last night. He’s holding me tight in his arms, with his fangs chomped deep inside my neck, and he’s sucking my blood out very fast. I’m getting weak, weaker, weaker. Dying, dying, dying, having another orgasm! Dying! Dead.

I open my eyes. It’s after midnight. I’m lying on the pavement, at the same spot where Spike killed me.

I will now be among the vampire students, attending night classes at Sunnydale High. Now here’s a problem. Cordelia and Harmony’ll both start dating much cooler guys than Warren and Jonathan; but what am I gonna do about Andrew?

Right now a dark haired girl around my age is coming toward me. She is alive, and I am hungry.

I get up on my feet, as she stands in front of me.

“Hi.” I tell her. “My name’s Willow,” I extend my fangs. “and I’ve just become a vampire.”

“Hi.” She says. “I’m Faith.” She rams a sharp wooden stake into my heart.

“And I’ve just become the new Vampire Slayer.”

Wouldn’t you know it? At least I won’t have to go on any dates with that dork Andrew.

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