Wondering

I met you
I liked you, so young, but I liked you
I didn't understand, still don't.
But as I kept looking, kept talking,
it became apparent.
I really liked you.
We became close, knowing family, sharing friends
You stole your daddy's truck at 11,
We just drove around until they found out
My mom hated you, still does
James and Amanda were okay with you though
I'd try to come over all the time
Time went by, memories were shared,
When I'd see you all I'd want was a hug
Whatever it was, I felt it
I got to 7th grade and something happened
I'm stupid, I know
I went out with Austin...and Grant...
Your best friends and it was just to get you jealous
Austin was nice, clingy though
Grant...well we know how that ended
After he cheated you punched him, broke his nose too
Is it bad that it felt good you did that?
Just a year later, you took me out for dinner
John and Nick's Steakhouse
It was the first date of a long relationship to go
Being young and underage, we would either watch TV,
Movies, or go to the rooftop.
God the rooftop...
Getting high, drunk, doing other things
It was so wrong, but so fun.
But with wrong fun comes consequences...
I began drinking...excessively, and you did too
I started smoking pot excessively
Life was hard, but I had to go through it
I still had to deal with Allison
Remember that time I drank too much...
Yeah I passed out.
You thought I died.
My friends began to learn about me
About the drinking and the smoking
And only a short while after they found out
You went to the rooftop without me...
It took you two weeks to get the balls to tell me
To tell me you got drunk, met a girl
And while we were dating...
What I did to you when you told me...
I am sorry.
But what I did a short time later...
I'm more sorry about
I had repaid you the favor, but not as far
And once again it happened on the rooftop
The scars are one way to remember this story
After a few months we started talking again.
It was awkward but I was glad to see you.
May11th came along, and that was the last time...
For both of us.
At least that's what you said would happen.
Everything went fine for about a year
Started dating again, hanging out at every chance.
But something was different
It wasn't the same yet
I still had feeling for you, but I couldn't just...
I couldn't just leave you.
After a few months, I broke it off
But I still stuck around
I stopped by almost every Saturday
Made dinners, watched movies,
Sometimes spent the night
I basically... led you on
Whatever your thoughts were while I did this
You never rejected or opposed
Time went on again
I began thinking too much again
Soon you met another girl
It happened so fast I can't remember her name
She was a bad influence on you
You drank again...a lot
You did so much crap...had me thinking non-stop
It was almost three weeks of hell
But you came to the right consensus
The right mind set
You went clean again
But I couldn't forgive you
Choosing her over me...I just couldn't
So again, time went by
I bet every day I thought about you
And every day I wondered what to do
I'm still wondering
You were my first best friend,
First crush,
First kiss
And if I believed in it yet,
My first love
I'm a broken record saying this
But as time will go by
We don't know what will happen
Maybe
We'll move on
Or get together again
Or somehow get to a just friends, no feelings basis.
Maybe
Just maybe,
I won't need to wonder anymore.
Maybe someday,
I'll just know.