Obsession

"Shut up!" My mouth drops.
"What?"
"Seriously, just stop!" I blink. Trish. My soft-spoken, sweet best friend for life said what? I shake my head. The silence has stretched on for far too long.
"Trish? I-what's-"
"No, for once, you listen to me Rebecca Drew," her voice is stern, "the woman I met 8 months ago who backed into my cute Honda just to prove a point," I hear her take a breath, "would never have spent the night before a presentation which is so important to getting the promotion that I've been hearing about for weeks, talking on the phone about a guy."
"It's Vance. It's-it's not sad, I just -" Trish cuts me off again.
"See, you can't even speak Becky." Her voice sounds soft now and I know her short burst of anger is forgotten because she's gone back to calling me Becky, even though she knows I hate being called that. Becky makes me sound like a little girl and I am a woman. A smart, independent...
"I'm sorry Becky. But right now, I can't stand the person he's turned you into." I feel a pinch of anger.
"He-he hasn't turned me into anyone," I swallow hard, "I am still Becky, I still hate being called that, I still want that promotion and I am going to get it. I just, Trish, right now I need you -"
"You see, there it is again. You need me. Rebecca Drew never needed anyone. Then you met Vance, yes he's the hottest thing I've ever seen in real life, I get that you're crazy about how smart he is, and successful, and his eyes scare the shit out of me but he's all you see anymore. Becky, we haven't spent a full day together in weeks. I want my best friend back." I close my eyes and shuffle one of my feet nervously, glad she can't see me right now.
"You're right. I'm sorry. He's just everywhere, y'know. He's the coffee I get in the mornings, his handwriting on the lid. He always makes sure I wake up 5 minutes before my alarm, sends a text 'Wake up, get busy Bex', he emails me and tells me about something he's read in the financial times and sends a link, he's just always there, in some shape or form."
"Then tell him that he can't be. Tell him that you are your own person. That you set your own damn alarm to wake yourself up. That you can get your own secretary to get you a coffee and tell him that you will pick up the financial review when you want to pick it up. Please." I hear the exasperation in her voice and it wakes me up and makes the Rebecca in my head stamp her feet and shake her fist in the air.
"I will. I'll handle it."
I go to work earlier than usual in the morning. The sun glints on my windscreen as I drive and I feel flushed for some reason. Vance. How does he even do this to me? I grit my teeth as I slam the door and catch the lift up to level 14.
His secretary, a plump woman with glasses that seem too big for her face, frowns at me when I walk in.
"Hi Dawn."
"Ms. Drew. Morning. Have you scheduled something with Mr. Nathan today?" I flash her a smile. Dawn is one of the most efficient secretaries I've ever met, she knows full well that I haven't booked anything for today.
"No, I haven't, but it's important." I say. She does a little nod as if she expected me to say that.
"Well I'll let him know that you came to see him but I can't guarantee that you'll be able to see him at all today. You know it's only a couple days out of the negotiation with Netpax so he'll be busy." She turns back to her laptop as if she expects me to leave. I don't.
"I can sit and wait." I say as I take a seat in one of the plush couches that sit in the foyer. Dawn ignores me. I send Vance a text 'NEED TO TALK'.
Only a couple of minutes pass before my phone vibrates in my hand and I see that he's calling me. I answer.
"Hey, you in your office?" I speak first.
"No, actually, I'm catching the lift up now though. What's up?" He sounds calm as he usually does.
"I need to talk to you." There is a slight pause before he responds.
"Yes, I got that from your text. Is it urgent?" Before I can assert that it is though, there is a ding from the lift and he's standing there waiting for me to reply on the phone. He smiles and snaps his phone shut but the smile is strained and I can tell that his mind is probably going a million miles an hour as he walks quickly over to me.
I stand up from the lounge and he swipes a kiss along my cheek, nods to Dawn and unlocks his office door. I walk in as he holds the door open from me and I can't think of anything to say. The kiss was rushed as if he didn't mean it. I hear the door shut and I turn to face him. He stares at me and I swallow. His eyes, usually the loveliest shade of blue almost look grey now.
"So it is important." Is all he says. I give a slight nod.
"Vance, I wanted to talk to you about us."
"I figured." He says wryly. I open my mouth to speak again but he beats me to it.
"Can we at least sit?" He gestures to the chair in front of his desk and I sit down in it. He makes his way to his own chair behind his. I immediately feel as if he's putting some distance between us, between him and all the thoughts in my head.
"So let's begin." He says and it's the way he says it, as if he's one of my superior's and we are about to go through an evaluation of my performance as an employee that restores the fire in my belly, the fire that he'd put out with the look he gave me in the lift. I can no longer keep a cool head.
"Okay great. Glad I've got your permission to begin." I start sarcastically. Vance leans back in his chair with an incredulous look on his face.
"Rebecca-"
"Yeah, it's always Rebecca. I don't get that either. Everyone else I knows calls me Becky even though I hate that nickname, it's mine. You never do, why?" My voice sounds harsh to my own ears.
"I don't get what you're getting at, Rebe-" He falters.
"No, you don't and I bet you're about to tell me to stop being silly. To go back to being the way that you like it." Even though I'm angry, I can't help but notice that he's wearing my favourite tie today. The deep blue that I love because it brings out his eyes. And as soon as I notice his eyes, I notice the strong cleft of his chin and his dark hair and the way his shoulders look in his suit. I grow warm.
"I love you." Is all he says as if answering a question. I just shake my head at him.
"No, you don't get to say that. I love you Vance, you stupid, controlling arsehole. I've never asked you to change. But with you, it's Rebecca, maybe your hair would look lovelier in the sun if you added some red to it. Rebecca, maybe you're office would look better if you moved your desk away from the window. Rebecca, maybe you shouldn't be so harsh to Trish, she can't help that she's the way she is. Always critiquing, always judging-"
"Rebecca, I love you. I only tell you those things because I want you to be the best person that I know you're capable of. You're smart, capable and incredibly gorgeous and I am in love with you and you're absolutely right." He gets up from his desk and moves towards me. I shrink a little in my chair, afraid of the anger that is rushing from my body as he moves closer, afraid of how weak he makes me.
"I am going to tell you to stop being silly, you're right. Because you are. You are being extraordinarily silly because I think you're perfect, you can't imagine or understand just how wonderful I see you. I love you and because I love you, "he pauses to press a kiss to my forehead, " I am going to ask you, not tell you, to leave my office and go to your own because you have a presentation in a couple of hours and I want you to be as successful as I know only you can be at it." This time he kisses my lips and I can't sit in the chair anymore. I wrap my arms around his neck and he pulls me up, our lips still against each other, moving, shaping unspoken words. I swipe my tongue under his bottom lip and he lets out a little groan and I know that I should leave.