Goodbye

dealing with suicide of a friend...

I smile; but it’s shallow and fake,
And I can feel a powerful heart ache,
And I tried to keep you close to me,
I failed; you didn’t hear my plea,
Pretending to be this happy chick,
Makes me feel really sick,
Trying to bring you back would be fruitless,
It’s like trying to help a tree which is rootless,
But doing nothing kills me from the inside,
And I know that a part of me with you died,
While people complain about the daily problems in their lives,
I’m making different plans to hide all of my knives,
I wonder what would’ve happened if our role were reversed?
If I were dead would you think about the worst?
Or would you try to carry on living?
And to me would you be forgiving?
Or would you hate me forever for leaving you alone?
I guess I’ll know these answers after others will bury my last bone.
I understand why you’ve done it,
I know why you quit,
But I don’t approve of your actions,
They left me broken into a million fractions,
And I really try to, once again, be all right,
But without you, I’m afraid of the night,
I loved you like a friend,
I hoped this wouldn’t end,
I guess ‘happy ending’ just wasn’t meant for us,
I guess I’ left alone to stand and just cuss,
I know you’ve been through a lot,
But never saw the lessons you were taught,
We all have to suffer in order to grow,
Now you left my morale low,
Thinking about you fills me with sadness,
Trying to deal with it by myself drives me to madness,
We had similar taste in music: you played the guitar while I sang,
And we wanted to invent our own awesome slang,
You told me I was the reason you were alive,
Now you’re the reason, why off a cliff I want to dive,
I guess my presence wasn’t enough to make you stay,
I guess even with our calls your days were still grey,
I wish you’d let me tell you goodbye,
I wish you could’ve looked me in the eye,
Tell me how you really felt,
I’d spend more time helping you, cause with your downs you dealt!
And with everything we’ve been through,
I was hoping to never loose you…