Loathing Las Vegas

Loathing Las Vegas
September 1, 2014: Today is the 3rd anniversary of my relocation from Chicago to Las Vegas. Seems an appropriate time to put my thoughts about living here to virtual paper. Sadly, in the 3 years I’ve been here my dislike has turned to abject loathing. There is NOTHING about Las Vegas that I like. So herewith are my top 10 reasons for “Why I Loathe Las Vegas”.

1. Too Friggin’ HOT for Too Long
Six months is way too long to have temps of 90 degrees or above every single day. And during the height of summer, the coolest it gets is 100-120 degrees in the shade. At midnight it gets down to 95+. People seem to think that’s all fine because there’s no humidity. There’s also no such thing as a breeze. On the rare occasion that the air actually blows strong enough to move tree branches, you can bet a storm is coming. But no worries – a storm with or without actual rain – only lasts about 5 minutes.

2. Too Spread Out
Almost reminds me of Los Angeles in that you need a car to get to and from anything worthwhile like a grocery store, a fast-food joint, the dry cleaners, the movies, a decent sit-down restaurant, etc. Everything is a 15-20 minute drive/car ride away. The only thing you might find in less than 10 minutes is a gas station or strip mall.

There are 3 major expressways to traverse the city and to reach nearby cities and other states. They converge at point known as the “Spaghetti Bowl” near the Strip. The name is quite accurate - a crazy network of roads, flyovers, and overpasses. The upside is that you can drive at least 65 MPH on these expressways, and you don’t have to signal that you’re about to change lanes. You’re supposed to, but most people don’t bother; they just do it. One lane, or 2-3 at a time. I’ve had my life flash before my eyes on several occasions. It’s no wonder I haven’t been inspired to take up driving again. It’s a dangerous sport out here.

3. Walls and Malls EVERYWHERE
One you get off the Strip, nearly every residential community is surrounded by concrete/cinder block walls that are at least 6 feet high. And they’re NOT all gated communities. I’m not sure what purpose the walls serve – except to keep people from seeing what’s behind them, regardless of what’s there. Makes for a rather boring drive from one place to another on a main/primary/heavily-travelled street.
To serve the numerous ‘bedroom communities’ that abound, there are thousands of strip malls. I’ve never seen so many in my entire life in Chicago. And in between one community/strip mall and another – acres and acres of vacant land piled with rubble. Some have been vacant for so long that bushes and tumbleweeds have taken over.

4. Public Transportation – What’s THAT?
Well Las Vegas DOES have a public transportation system of buses that serve the city folk and those living in the far-flung communities within. But the further you are from the Strip, the longer the wait time for a bus and the less frequently they run. A half-hour to 45-minute wait time is the norm, even in the Downtown area. The bus stops are at least two blocks apart. But in this town, blocks are measured differently than what I’m used to. Here, two blocks is like four city blocks/half a mile. Many bus stops don’t even provide a shelter from the blazing sun. But for those who need to get to their job and don’t have the luxury of a car, there’s no alternative.

For those who can afford it, of course there are taxi cabs. This being Las Vegas, they are expensive and hard to come by if you’re not on the Strip or Downtown near a hotel/casino. There are several cab companies and you can call them for a pick-up. But it could take them a good half-hour or longer to get to you. After all, tourists are their bread and butter – not locals.

5. Lack of Culture
Coming from Chicago, I was accustomed to a very diverse plethora of culture – museums, theater/performance art, concerts, etc. Finding it in Las Vegas is a challenge. They’ve come a long way since I moved her in 2011. During 2012, the Smith Center for the Performing Arts, the Neon Museum opened a fabulous new Visitor Center to introduce its collection of vintage neon signage, the
Discovery Center/Kids Museum, relocated and reopened near the Smith Center, and the Mob Museum opened.

There are some other quirky places that are unique to Las Vegas like the Pinball Museum and the Showgirl/Burlesque museums. The Bellagio casino property has the Gallery/Museum of Fine Art. But for the most part, they are small venues compared to what I’m used to and leave me with the feeling of “Is that it?” The entire Museum of Natural History would fit inside one wing of the fabulous Field Museum in Chicago.

Time was I could spend an entire day in one of Chicago’s museums and not get to see everything in it. Here, I can see everything they have in a couple of hours.

6. Circuitous Streets That Lead to Dead Ends
I’d never seen so many loopy streets and cul-de-sacs until I moved here. There are a few surface streets you can use to get from one side of town to the other. Even they have some odd curves that seem to defy explanation. Otherwise, practically every street in between the main thoroughfares/off the beaten path can quickly turn into a maze of dead end streets. You can’t even keep making right or left turns to make a circle and get back to where you started.

7. Minimal Greenspace/Parks
Forget about it! There’s no such thing as a little (or big) park where you can quickly/easily get to for a little respite and enjoyment of the great outdoors. Remember – everything is at least a 10-15 minute drive and rarely a direct route. The parks I’ve seen are designed for sporting events – soccer and baseball. A few have a playground area for kids. But none are a short walk from a residential area.

8. Surrounded by Mountains
No matter which direction you look or drive, there’s always some huge mountain range in the distance. Distance is a relative term. The mountains can be a 5-minute drive from wherever you are. Those who have lived here a while and natives know which mountains are which. From a Google I search I learned:

“The Las Vegas Valley is surrounded by 4 mountain ranges: The Sheep Range to the north, Sunrise Mountain to the east, Black Mountain in the south, and the Spring Mountains to the west.“

For someone like me – born and raised in Chicago and always within 20 driving minutes of Lake Michigan, I am a fish out of water and always feel walled-in. The mountains are stark and harsh looking. Hikers love them. But I am a water-lover. The mountains have no attraction at all for me. They are simply a constant reminder that I am cut off from the rest of the (civilized) world.

9. No Natural Water Locations
Since Las Vegas is in the middle of the desert, there are no natural water locations. Oh, there are a few man-made lakes – Lake Mead, Lake Las Vegas, and some that were built as the centerpiece of a planned residential community. But the city of Las Vegas is land-locked. The lakes seem more like ponds – you can see the other side, and it looks like a stone’s throw away. Nothing like Lake Michigan. On a very clear day you could see the industrial smokestacks on the shores of Hammond, Indiana or even the shores of the Michigan beach communities to the east. From the Sears (Willis) Tower, you might even be able to see shoreline parts of Wisconsin.

10. No Urban Sightseeing
While the Strip offers all the architectural eye-candy you can imagine, in the form of the gigantic, exotically-themed casino/resort properties, the fact is: it’s all FAKE. And everyone – visitors and locals alike – knows it. The hotel room buildings all look the same, except for branding features that complement the casino’s theme. It certainly presents a spectacular sight even from a distance. But out in the neighborhoods, the best you can hope to see is a random luxury hi-rise condo building or two, or a shopping mall with an elaborate theme – as you’re driving by it at 45 MPH, or waiting for a traffic light to change.

Visiting Vegas vs. Living in Vegas
Most people think it’s very exciting for me to live here. They’ve only visited here for 3-5 days at a time for a vacation or on a business trip. And for the most part, they’ve never ventured beyond the glitz and glamor of the Strip and Downtown Vegas/Fremont Street.
It wasn’t long after I moved here that I came up with the response that “Visiting Vegas and living here are two entirely different things”. Once you get a few miles away from the tourist areas, everywhere looks like a suburban, bedroom community. Most of the stores, restaurants – including fast-food joints – close by 11:00pm. Just as well, I suppose. Nothing else worthwhile is open that late anyway. The only exception is the neighborhood casino/lounge/bars, and gas station/convenience stores. They stay open later. Locals who can afford to gamble probably like having someplace in the neighborhood to spend their cash, drink, and hang out with friends. But you can’t really make a lifestyle out of that – especially if you don’t drive.

There are several other things about living here that I don’t like. But these are at the top of my list – for now.