Dr. Ruth

      Dr. Ruth



"You shouldn't be timid, Mr. Connor.  The more you tell me, the more understanding will begin to unfold.  The more we talk, the more I'll understand about you.  The more I understand about you,  the greater the likelihood I'll be able to help you."  Dr. Ruth Silverstein glanced down at her notepad and then back up at her patient, with a slight smile.

He was glad that she used a notepad, and pencil rather than a pen, for keeping her notes.  A notepad rather than a dictation recorder.  His last psychotherapist had used a recorder and he had been bothered by the background whispering.  It had sometimes seemed like he was back in that other place. 

"I understand you feel like your mental condition has improved greatly over the last few years, Mr. Connor", she probed.

That's true.  And please call me Rich."  Richard Connor much preferred informality.  Another reason he disliked his previous psychiatrist, was because of his insistence on calling him 'Mr. Connor', and his expectation that Rich call him, 'Dr. Devin'.

"That's good Rich.  Whatever will make you feel the most comfortable is the best way for us to address each other.  Our proper interrelationship is one of the keys to your recovery."  Rich almost thought she was smiling seductively at him.  "You can decide what to call me."

"I'd feel a little strange calling you Dr. Ruth, so is just 'Ruth' ok?"

She chuckled.  "Perfect.  I was called Dr. Ruth by a younger patient recently, and it DID make me feel rather strange.  Although I doubt he was old enough to remember the more well known Dr. Ruth".  Ruth smiled at Rich over the top of her glasses.

"No, she's not flirting", he thought.  He had to be very careful not to read things into the minds of others.  That had been a major problem all his life.  It had gotten him into trouble - often.  So many times, he had been happily living his life, seemingly interacting pleasantly with another person, believing his life with the other person was 'real', when, ZAP!, the other's words or actions would rip through his guts like the kick of a mule!  As if a movie director had suddenly changed a character's personality, without telling the other actors.  These thought went through Rich's mind instantaneously.  He had thought about it a lot, it was etched in his mind.  Then he realized he hadn't discussed these thoughts with any of his previous psychiatrists.  Why?  It was the first thing he and Dr. Silverstein discussed.

"Well, Rich. I think this has been an excellent beginning."  Ruth smiled warmly and seemed, to Rich, to give a slight flip of of her head, making her hair shimmer.  She shook his hand, "I hope to get to the root of your problem in short order.  I really want to make you feel better."  She held his hand warmly in hers.  She raised her other hand to hold his between hers.  She caressed the back of his hand with her fingertips.

Rich smiled back.  "Yes Ruth.  Thank you so much."  He placed his free hand against hers and they stood for a moment, hand in hand in hand, gazing into each other's eyes.  Rich felt her hands tremble, or maybe it was his.  "I'm very much looking forward to our next session Ruth."  Later he thought he may have winked at that point.

"See you next week."

......................................


Dr. Ruth Silverstein slumped in her chair and thought.  "I hate this.  These court mandated cases are so depressing. I'll be so happy when this one is over with."

"All right Mr. Connor.  Why did you do it?"
"I don't know."
"Are you sorry you did it?"
"No."
'You know your attorney wants to plead innocent by reason of insanity."
"Yes.  That's why your talking to me."
"Do you believe you're insane?"
"I don't know.  Isn't everyone?"
"Maybe, but not in the eyes of the law.  You know, if you're found guilty, you'll be subject to the death penalty."
"I know."
"Do you believe in the death penalty?"
"No.  But I believe in vengeance."
"Can you explain that to me?"
"I don't think government has the right to kill people.  I believe killing is wrong.  But individuals have emotions.  They need revenge.  They should have revenge."
"Did you want revenge on those two women?"
"No.  I didn't know them."
"So are you going to follow your attorney's advice and plead innocent by reason of insanity?"
"No.  I'm guilty."
"Even though you might be put to death?"
"Yes.  If I'm not put to death, I'll kill myself."
"Why is that?"
"Those women need revenge.  I need revenge."
"You need revenge?"
"Yes.  On myself."
"I don't understand."
"Neither do I."