Feather

         There's this one feather that my grandpa used to have lying on his desk. It was an old quill, the top soft and frayed, the bottom still intact. There's something about feather's that absolutely get me. This one was my favorite. Maybe that's why I fell for you so easily.
         Everything about you, looking back now, reminds me of that feather.
         And sometimes I wonder if I were to ever tell you that, how you would feel. Then I realize that I should no longer care.
         I never thought that I would be one of those girls who falls for a guy and drops everything around her just to be with him. I never thought that I would lose sense of reality. I did. I regret it. Sometimes I regret you.
         I wasn't perfect. Not by any means and I made mistakes which I admit to. Your mistakes were much worse than mine.
         What sucks is that you were my friend first. What sucks is the way you ended things. And then you hung out with Stacy. I hate that in a matter of a year I lost two people that I considered to be my best friends and in the end I lost them to each other.
         You took me to a fancy restaurant and I bought a dress just for the occasion. Nineteen years old and you were taking me to a place that cost more than I made in a week on a small retail salary. The worst part was that you were nineteen too, but you made me feel older. You made me feel sophisticated, that we had known each other forever.
         When we were in your room and 'watching movies', in your arms I felt safe, loved. I felt like I was at home. Home was wherever you were. And this was only a few months in.
         Ten months later and you're at my house. We got into a fight. We made up. You told me to give you another kiss and that you loved me more than anything before getting into your car. An hour and a half later I got the phone call.
         How can you blatantly lie to someone that you're supposedly in love with? How can you put on a facade for so long? Seeing you every single day for several months, and you say you haven't actually been in love with me for over the past month? That you haven't found me attractive for the past four?
         I don't know who was more of a fool. Me or you.
         And I don't know who to believe. The friends who I keep learning more and more from about why you ended things? About all the lies you told me? Or you. The person who I shared everything with. Why would a person have to lie when completely alone with another person? I don't think I'll ever understand.
         It took me about a month to finally start meaning the words "I'm fine".
         But sometimes I still think of you. Just like I think of the feather.
         You were so composed and everything seemed to be okay in the beginning. You were so great at making me believe every little thing that you said. But now I see that you're really just frayed at the edges. That although you meant the world to me, you're replaceable. That I deserve someone who'll love all of me, and mean it, forever. And even if forever isn't all that long I deserve more than what you ever gave me.
         I'll never forget the white feather that my grandpa kept on his desk. One day he decided he didn't need something that meant so little, and now I'm finally able to do the same.