On This Day

-On This Day-
by Keaton Foster


On this day
In such a way
Death was faced
The end
Wholeheartedly embraced
Not for a second
Was I afraid
This heart empty
Of lesser concern
This crowded mind
Devoid of doubt
Are without question
Both ready
Overoptimistic
It could be said
But not by me
With great ease
I placed the gun
In my mouth
The metal was cold
The barrel like stone
Pulling the hammer back
I was one step closer
One more
Than ever before
Resting my finger
Upon the trigger
I was sure this was it
No pain would I feel
No sound would resound
It would just be something
Than a sweeter nothing
How could I miss
In no way could I fail
The slug would no doubt
Obliterate my mind
Severing the cord
Shattering
The conceptual nonsense
Of this existence
I was ready
With greater ease
I squeezed the trigger
The hammer fell
Faster than the thought
And question of “what if”
But instead
I was not dead
Still of this world
Trapped in this hell
It was not my time
Even If
I wished it was
Because
No bullet came out
No sound was unheard
Nothing happened
Nothing at all
On this day
I tried to take my life
But as before
Regardless of my plan
The implementation
And the thoughtful nature
In which I was convinced
Again I failed
My weapon
One that I
Have owned for years
One that I
Have placed to my skull
On more than a few occasions
Had somehow malfunctioned
The firing mechanism
Had broken
Dare I call it
Divine intervention
Or at least
Mechanical dereliction
Sure I could still use it
But beating myself to death
With the equivalent
Of a paper weight
Sounds rather unpleasant
So I’ll for now remain
As is
On this day
I planned to die
But here I am alive
Maybe tomorrow
Will be better
And maybe it won’t
Such distinction matters not
I’ll be here to face it because
Apparently I’m supposed to
On this day
I’m still alive…


On This Day
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2015.