Cat-Snake

"Here's one for ya!"

"Gross Anthony, I'm not looking at that, it stinks. Take it away. Can't you see I'm busy here."

"No! look at it! its not gonna kill you. Just peek with one eye, c'mon." Anthony thrust what looked like an old fur stole under my nose. I pulled away in disgust, not wanting to look too closely.

"Where on earth did you find that? Don't you have anything better to do than play around with that mess, and what is that smell?"

"You're lame." Anthony held the limp fur up to his face "Its oh-so-soft"

"Whatever, I'm not into it. I've got work to do, stop distracting me."

Anthony walked out of the room with his disgusting find, wrapping it around his neck and muttering along the way. I couldn't make out exactly what he had in his hands but I'd been revolted by him too many times previously, he had a habit of bringing home weird things; dead frogs, live frogs, road kill. We've been friends since we were kids and he was always more adventurous than me. Now we were living together in our college years and nothing had changed, I was the focused 'boring' one, while he ran riot, carefree and spirited. I had an essay due the next day and I had barely written two sentences. I resumed typing, searching my brain for inspiration, when my thoughts were interrupted yet again-

"AHH!" Anthony let out a wail "Uh-Oh!"

A crash came from the kitchen followed by the sound of scurrying and then furniture being quickly moved across the floor. I ran out of my room to find Anthony on his hands and knees peering cautiously under the oven, one of the kitchen chairs led on its side.

"What happened?!" I yelled, concerned that he was searching around timidly under the oven like something might be waiting to pounce on him.

"Well the critter got away, it bit me!"

"Critter? Bit you? That thing was ALIVE?" I questioned, eager to find out exactly what we were up against.

"I don't know, I told you to look didn't I?" Anthony snapped at me accusingly.

"I didn't know it was alive!" I claimed in my defense.

"Neither did I, I thought it was dead."

"Please tell me you didn't bring back more roadkill. Not after the badger incident! I thought you had learned your lesson?"

"I don't know, I was out in the yard and I saw it curled up under the shed, I walked over and gave it a poke, but it didn't flinch so I figured it was dead. It was weird looking and I had to bring it back to show you."

"You're messed up! What makes you think I want to see these things?" I asked annoyed at having to deal with yet another of his finds. "well, we'd better find it, where'd it go?"

"Where d'ya think? Why else would I have my butt in the air and head under the oven?! Gimme a hand, quit standing there you're in my light." Anthony resumed peering under the oven.

"Alright, calm down" I shuffled myself to the left, ready for that thing to come flying out at any moment. "I think we'd better get something to catch it with. I don't wanna get bit. Where's your motorbike gloves?"

"Oh sure, worry about yourself. It already got me good." Anthony raised up his hand and showed me. I couldn't see a mark, though he assured me it hurt.

"The things got fangs like a snake!" he insisted.

"Maybe its some scientific experiment that escaped?" I knelt down to join Anthony on the floor and peered under the oven.

"Its dark, get a torch." I said as I squinted into the dark gap.

Anthony got to his feet and rummaged through one of the draws.

"There's this..." He handed me a cheap plastic pen with a built in LED light.

"That's all we have? " I took the pen and flicked it on, a dull blue light shone from the end of it.

"That's it, just use it, hurry up. That thing will be lost in the house if we don't get it!"

I looked again through the faint blue light; lint, an old pasta shell, copious amounts of 'fluff', beady eyes-

"HIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!"

I fell back knocking Anthony over in the process.

"ARGH, watch out! " I cried.

"What was it? What did you see?" Anthony said, getting clumsily back on his feet

"I saw that thing! It hissed at me like a freakin' snake!" I said in disbelief.

"I told you."

"Yeah, well its rabid or something. Better call for professional help on this one."

"No way man, we got this." Anthony snatched the flashlight pen off me and peered under the stove.

"HIIISSSS!" The little gremlin came flying out, teeth bared, slinking sideways, forwards, backwards!

"Where's it going?"

"Watch out!" I yelled as it lunged at my ankles, little barbarian arms outstretched, mouth wide.

"AAHH! Watch your toes! Get up high!" We clambered on top of the table. The fanged slinky ran frantically around us. Flailing, hissing, grunting. We sat there for a moment observing the mayhem. Trying to formulate a plan.

Anthony shook his head "Man. This is messed up. I think it has some sort of brain injury. Look at it, its running into things."

"Yeah, It probably curled up under that shed to die in peace, why couldn't you just leave it there? "

"Here, give me that." Anthony pulled at my sweater impatiently.

"What are you gonna do with it?" I asked, holding my arms at a distance to stop him grabbing at me.

"Trust me, I want to test something, we're in a bad spot here. Do you want rabies? I know I don't!" I gave in and reluctantly took off my sweater. Anthony grabbed it, took off one of his socks and proceeded to tie that sock onto the end of one of the arms.

"See, now this is kind of like someones hand reaching down to grab him, lets see what he does to it."

Anthony slowly lowers the sock down onto the cat-snake."WOOHURGH WOOHUGH" it flips itself inside out, clinging to the sock with teeth and claws, making some outrageous grunting sound.

"What's it doing?!"

"Attacking!" Anthony raised the sweater up, but the cat-snake clung to the end, refusing to give in.

Just then the front door opened and in walked Mary.

"Watch out! Don't come in here! " I yelled in a panic, the kitchen door swung open anyway and Mary was greeted by the frightful scene. The two of us on the kitchen table, Anthony with one sock on, the other with the cat-snake attached. Terror in our eyes.

"Its not safe!" insisted Anthony.

"What are you two doing?" Mary asked, standing there completely unphased by our frantic yells.

"Get out! It'll get you!" Anthony repeated in desperation.

"Is that Michael's ferret?" Mary pointed at the angry little beast.

"huh...?" Anthony paused and looked blankly at the cat-snake.

"It is, that's Michael's ferret. Where'd you find him?" Mary smiled.

"Uh, it was outside in the garden, under the shed." Said Anthony confusedly.

"Well, put him down. You're getting him all excited" Mary walked towards the sweater contraption.

"No, its crazy, it got hit or something, its all messed up." Anthony insisted.

"No he isn't, he's fine, put him down."

Anthony reluctantly lowered the sweater and the supposed 'ferret' whirled around the floor mouth open. He reversed himself all the way into Mary's feet.

"See! Watch Out! Whad-I-Say?!" cried Anthony in despair.

Mary casually bent over and picked the thing up. It responded by curling up and attacking her hand, clinging to her with all four long-clawed paws, but she still wasn't phased.

"Silly thing, think you're so tough" She tickled the ferret "It doesn't hurt guys, he's just playing. He's always escaping and falling asleep in silly places. Its really hard to wake them up when they get into a deep sleep. I'm going to take him back to Michael, he'll be really glad you found him! Thanks." She grabbed the little weasel under his armpits and he dangled there quite contently, sniffing the air with his little pink nose "see, he's fine once he stops being so frantic."

She walked out and left us sat on the table. We were silent for a moment, recollecting ourselves.

"A ferret huh?" I finally said.

Anthony had a glean of sweat on his brow, his cheeks rosy "Yeah, I guess. I always thought ferrets looked more like a gerbil or something" he replied.