Plea For Help

Plea For Help

I can see the spiral starting all over
once again just like last year when I was sick;
part of me wants to do something
put an end to it before habits start to stick.

When I am weakened by illness
I am at a disadvantage, not at my best;
Ana's door is left cracked open
and she will use it to put me to the test.

Normally I am much weaker than
I have been to her, but even now it is hard;
she has found a very loud voice to use
and she is trying hard to throw me off guard.

A month ago when I heard her voice whisper
so quietly like I did, I would have hushed it away;
now being so sick and tired like I am
it is so hard to battle her, I find it easy to just sway.

Falling isn't the right thing... this I know
oh I know that all too well, I know where it leads;
fighting is so hard, I thought I could do it, wanted to
Ana gets stronger, I hate that, and my heart bleeds.

I am back to looking at food, knowing I NEED to eat it
my body doesn't feel anything, because of the being sick;
I no longer want to eat, put anything into it at all
my contract means nothing, and it is Ana's trick.

I know this, but even if I try, I still can't force enough in
when I try, I feel physically ill and that isn't normal for me;
that is how sick I am right now and I really don't
know how to change it, in my life I feel like an absentee.

Oh how I don't want to go back so far like I was before
I literally saw death in myself, I saw how what Ana wanted;
that I could die from what I allowed her to do to me
and standing, looking in the mirror, I was truly haunted.

If this doesn't stop, I will be on the path once again
to where I was before, I know this to be true, no denial here;
it is just hard to find the strength when your body
can't keep up and you mind is being attacked, she is in your ear.

I need help to block her out, help beyond me
I am always afraid to open my eyes, to let me see;
to let others in, thinking I can manage on my own, ask for help
but I am asking now before I crash, to anyone, this is my plea.

December 30, 2014