Love

I've always been afraid. Afraid that "the one" would pass me by or I'd do the same to her. I was never really sure if there was only one that belonged. I still don't. That's the way that living things survive. They adapt, replacing love with necessity.

But what is love? I like to see it as a rubber band that will pull everything around until it's perfect. The one thing about rubber bands is they are fragile. You can't fight them. If you do, everything is left to fate. You can't completely fix everything. Ever.

Not that I have experience with that. I'm a philosopher, not a liver. I think, I don't do. I suppose I wasn't always this way. Nobody is ever always the same. Everybody has a history. Everybody, at least everybody my age, can look back and find possible rubber bands. And I'm no different.

I don't really want to write this down, but I feel like maybe someone will someday find something of purpose in these few words. What follows is over. If this is ever read in my lifetime, I don't want anybody to tell me anything that relates to it. I am at peace.
I was a seventeen year old boy when I started to really think about love and stuff like that.

That was probably one of my biggest problems. I thought too much. About everything. I was also extremely curious. This could get in the way of things. I would ask almost endless questions when talking to people, especially girls. I was deeply interested in what people thought. Not about me really, I was a fairly confident young man, but about other people. It was so fascinating to see what girls liked in guys. Although it varied greatly, there were some things that were completely forgotten in their desires, including kindness and actual care. People are often too selfish to care for their future self.

I went on a deep and personal journey into the spirit and soul of man. I was young, but I had grown to have a deep respect and understanding of the human mind. I started by speaking with my peers and by reading books. I would compare results and I learned people's reactions. I was often compared to a wise old wizard even in those days. People would often remark in my ability to always know what to say.

This was all fine and great until I thought I found a rubber band. She came to me for advice. She had found out about my ability to understand people and anticipate reactions and she came to me to tell her how to take care of her personal problems. She opened herself up to me, but my mind was clogged with personal pride and desire which I thought was love. I told her what to do knowing that it wouldn't do what she wanted, but it would get her closer to me.

It worked for a brief second of mock bliss, but it exploded like  bomb right in my face. It took me a while, but I eventually came to the understanding that I could never have love because I was a "wise old wizard". I was forever trapped in a state of solitude. This was a sad spot to be in for a long time, but eventually I grew to understand the importance of my role. I could not be blinded by possible loves, because the halt wisdom, and wisdom is my greatest trait.

So here I am, who knows how many years later, and I'm happy. I have truth for company and these books for purpose.