Sorrow behind a Smile

         "Tom, I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me." Ronald expressed with an almost light-hearted scoff after his statement.
"Ron, you haven't been yourself recently, you can tell me what's wrong. You don't have to go through this alone, you can trust me." I told him. His joyful self from years ago seemed to die with his youth. Seeing him smile within this past few months was like finding a colossal diamond in your backyard. Always saying he's "fine," it's painfully obvious he has been troubled. He's also so unwilling to let me help him. His entire day consists of going to work, and then going home for a small meal. Adamantly refusing to talk in person, the only person he has spoken to is his girlfriend, who broke up with him yesterday. The only reason I've even learned what I did was because he was less opposed to speaking over the phone.
"I'm fine, Tom, there isn't a problem." He tried to reassure me, but the dead tone he has had as of late returned. I have to think of something for us to do tomorrow to get him to cheer up.
"Ok, Ronald, do you want to go see a movie tomorrow? Or would you prefer to get some ice-cream or what?" I almost begged so he would leave his bleak-shell.
"I'll think about it, call me tomorrow. See you tomorrow." Before I could even reply, he hung up. All I could do was pace back and forth as the sounds in the background blended into an inaudible mess as I thought about how Ronald was acting. What could he try to be hiding? What could be so bad to send my joyful friend into such a somber state? I exhaled angrily from his complete refusal to let me support him. It was well into the night by the time I passed out onto my bed, hoping some sleep would help me think this whole situation.


As I woke up and got dressed for excruciatingly boring job working as a disposable cashier for a business that's was scarcely afloat above the river of failure, the conversation from late the day before still tugged at my mind. My simple breakfast of toast and a random soda can from the mini-fridge would have to hold me over until noon, whereas I would leave and check up on Ronald as his job.
The drive to work was near-impossible with the heavy bombardment of snow tumbling down from the sky to the point I could only see thirty feet in-front of my car. The snowstorm reminded me why my job wasn't unbearable. My manager, while strict, never forced us to go outside in that horrifyingly embarrassing costume when there was even a light drizzle. The day went on like most others. While there were less customers that usual, I was relieved as it left me alone long enough to think about how it was going.  Hours felt like minutes as I was caught unexpected by my lunch break.
"Since there aren't many customers today, if you want to go home, you can tell me." My manager said in a tone I've never heard him use, pity, like something sad has happened.
"Okay, thank you, sir." I told him in an invigorated tone. I bought a small ham-burger, quickly ate it, and left to go meet my friend. As I began to leave, the heavy snowfall had become a blizzard. I pulled into a gas-station and called my Ron, since we shared lunch-breaks.
"Hey Tom, I don't think we will be able to go to see a movie today." Ronald told me as he answered.
"I was thinking the same thing. How about if the storm dies down before seven O'clock we try to go?" I said, filled with hope.
"Ya ok, bye." He said.
"See you tomorrow." I stated as I hung up the phone. I refilled my car and, with relief in my mind, began driving home. Whatever bad thing that Ron had been hung up on seemed to have subsided. I ran inside my apartment after locking my car, changing into my pajamas and leaping onto my bed, I ate some pizza I had frozen yesterday and began to watch television as I slowly drifted into a deep sleep.


I awoke slowly and got dressed as I prepared to pick up my friend and go to the movies. The news on the television had announced its normal depressing topics like murder, suicide, and houses burning down. I wouldn't listen to it as I prepared to leave and bring Ron to the movie theater.
The snowfall had died down to be faint at its worst. I wondered what movies were even in the theater at the time. Oh well, we will figure it out when we get there. As I pulled into the parking spot in front of his door, I noticed how his blinds were tightly shut and there wasn't any way to see into his apartment. I knocked on the door to see if he was awake, a short thirty seconds later had proven he was still asleep since I heard nothing behind the door. Oh well, I knew where he had kept a spare key-card and grabbed it ecstatically. As I unlocked the door, I was paralyzed with shock. Right in front of me was my best-friend, my friend I have known since my childhood, with his neck inside of a noose and his body limp. I called the police and as soon as they arrived, they started look around, and as I sat in the cold, one of them came out with a letter in his hand and asked me if it was my name that was on the letter. I answered him yes and he dropped it off in my hands.

Dear Thomas,
I hope you do not blame yourself for what I have done. My parents
were in the hospital for the last few months and the have both passed
away a few days ago. That coupled with Vicky leaving me was just
too much to take. I am going to miss the great times we have had.
Sorry I didn't go to the movies with you. I hope you are willing to forgive me.


         Sincerely,
         Ronald

         
         
         
         One week after Ron had taken his own life, the funeral service was upon his family and me. I was called up to speak towards the end.
         "Ronald was one of the dearest friends I, or anyone, could ask for. He always brought myself and others before him, refusing to let anyone listen to his burden. I am deeply saddened that I couldn't help him, or even just realize how hurt he truly was." When I finished my speech, I realized I was crying. Ron's brother helped me back down the seats and I sat with his family, listening to the last few speeches in complete sorrow.