I am Free

My heart aches for some unknown reason. A hungry cry is constantly passing my lips and tormenting the thoughts that surround me. This hungry cry has yet to be silenced. I sit here weak, all alone, and searching. The problem is I have no idea what I am searching for. My arms are OUTSTRETCHED towards something. I don't know why I am even still a live. I feel nothing, but distance and see nothing but blank walls surrounding me, entrapping me.

Pasture. A field that yeilding nothing but dew covered grass and a path straight down the middle lain down by past hopes. I used to run in that pasture towards someone? Towards something? but what?

As I lay here merely..... dying.....dreaming....dying.....dreaming.....dying...... screaming ......all of my hopes dissolve into the dark clouds that have overtaken every corner of the hollowness that is my heart....

The Son is shining yet I feel so cold. so so cold....
WHY! WHY can I NOT ESCAPE. I just want to die.

Nothing seems to fill the hole.
Friends......
Men....
Love...
Food....
Sex...
Drugs...
Razors...
Beauty...
LIES.... LIES.... LIES....

There is something...
MISSING.

I am hollow.
EMPTY...
To the very core....

The silence is my strength. My voice is my weakness....
I remain hidden,drenched in embarrassment.

I see a light. I stand up and walk towards it's shining glory.

I walk down the familiar pathway and
my heart races....

A familiar beat.

The wind blows and my dark hair uncloaks my tear stained cheeks......

A bird so slowly
so softly
sings.

I hear footsteps and they seem to be coming towards me.

I see a man and he is smiling and he seems to be looking right at me as if he.
knows me.
As if he is my friend...

This can not be true because
I have been alone for so long.
His whispers, "I've been waiting."

My feet seem to be picking up pace. I realize that
I am running.

I can only hear my bare feet stomping the ground as I run towards the man.
My hair is flowing in the wind.. My stained white sundress is billowing behind me as I run to embrace him But who is he?

I stop right before Him. Who is this man?

He seems to read my mind. "You have known me for a while, My chosen one."

I blink back the tears. Only one word can escape my lips.

" .... Jesus.... "

I fall and I weep. "Where did you go?"

He walks over to me. I see His robe.
It is untouched by blemish.

"You left me."

I became angry.

"Why didn't you find me."

"My song bird, I have been here all this time waiting exactly where you left me. My hand has been exactly where you let it go."

Sorrow fills my heart.

He Smiles.

"You see, my dear one, .... I will always be waiting... I will always love you... I will never forsake you. I'll always be.
Your Best Friend
Your True Love
The Beginning
And the End.

You just have to
Accept me"



The pasture is full of silence. The birds are no longer singing and the wind is very gently. I look up.

He is still smiling with His arms stretched out.
His smile is as radiant as the sun.

My heart races and I close my eyes.

"Jesus."
"Yes, My dear child.."

"Complete me. I need you."


I open my eyes. We are locked in an embrace, an embrace like I have never felt. I feel the darkness in my heart fade away. The storm calms in my soul. The voices FADE and we are hand in hand.

He hugs me as we walk towards the light. It is so bright. I look down at my dress.... is clean... free of blemish....

The hole is full.
my heart is complete.
I feel

WORTHY.


All it took was ACCEPTING. ACCEPTING that I can NOT do this alone. The world FAILS. People FAIL. I FAIL.

I am...

FREE.