Two Front Teeth and All That Jazz

So, I am THAT girl. I am the one who is happy that the Christmas shit is out at the stores already. I am the one who will put her Christmas tree up a few days BEFORE Thanksgiving. Granted, I rip it down on December 26th, but still. I love Christmas and I don’t even care if stores do start hyping it in October. So what? If you aren't ready for Christmas then stay away from that special section in the back of Target. If you are grinchy starting in October because you think that Christmas has been commercialized and set up to steal the pennies out of your pocket, then again, stay away from the garden center at Meijer. But I must ask you this: who cares? If Christmas has become so wholesale that you think Big Brother is trying to wring every last dime out of you for the last quarter of the year then I say...well I say grow up. No one is forcing you to overspend nor are they forcing you to shit all over other people’s joy.

         small disclaimer: if you are the person who thinks that the commercialization of Christmas has eclipsed the worship of Jesus then this is not for you. That is a whole other thing where I succinctly and factually explain the origins of the December holiday and the theft of it by Christians.

I don't need other people to love Christmas. It brings me joy and warmth and happiness when I have spent quite a bit of the year feeling the opposites. It is, indeed, a time of overindulgence for me, which extends to my family through presents, decorations, cooking and wine.....as well as tolerance and love. As for the argument that I am missing the meaning of Christmas, if you can tell me what the problem is with Christmas meaning joy, warmth, happiness, presents, food, wine, decorations, tolerance and love....well then I tip my hat to you sir.  (And yes I do say Merry Christmas but no I am not celebrating the life of Christ.)

Drumroll please.....

All I want for Christmas is....

1. A home which magically keeps itself clean. Or at least a husband who keeps his own  messes clean.

2. A child who is suddenly struck with the desire to ask no more than 15 quality questions per day. Low? Perhaps, but I have banked thousands already.

3. To be able to...speak my truth fearlessly...and accept that those closest to me will disappoint me, as I will them.

4. To show patience, kindness and a more easygoing self in the face of endless whining, fit throwing, questioning and defiance from both my husband and my daughter. One more than the other, I'll let you decide.

5. A pill which after taking for a mere two weeks will cease my nail biting forever. Oh yeah, and the same pill for smoking. And one for soda. And one for...and one for...and one for...

6. I don't really need two front teeth but honestly, my mouth does have two missing teeth.....