My Brown Lawn

Skinny bitch
Toothpick
Anorexic
Only a dog wants a bone
Real women have curves

I've always been skinny. Growing up my mother's friends looked down at me with disdain. 'I used to be skinny just like you' they'd say 'and then I had kids' they'd taunt as they gesture down to their 250 pound frame. It felt almost like they were putting a hex on me.

Growing up I was teased just as much as the fat kids, maybe more. Kids called me names like skeleton and a holocaust victim. None of the boys wanted to date me. 'She's cute,' they'd say, 'but she needs to gain about 20 pounds.'

The most embarrassing day of my life was in 10th grade. A guy found out I had a crush on him. He was standing in line in the cafeteria when someone leaned over and told him about me.
'Melanie?' he said loud enough for the entire school to hear 'Oh hell no.' he said as if someone had just offered him a plate of chocolate covered earthworms. 'I'd break her in half.'
Hot embarrassment washed over me as everyone laughed.

The grass is always greener. Being skinny began to affect my self-esteem. The boys were only interested in the thick, chunky girls and I began to wish I was fat like everyone else. I tried eating more but I still didn't put on any weight.

Weight loss has become a hobby, a bonding experience for women that I cannot share in. In the work place I found I was the only one who didn't know how many calories a snickers bar had.

It seems like many of my co-workers have a P.H.D. in weight loss. Point to any piece of food and they can rattle off how many calories and grams of fat it contains. Name any recent diet plan and they can provide you with a Siskel and Ebert review of how well it works.

'New diet plan out this week ' the South Beach diet. Maybe at some point there was an original concept for a good diet there, I don't know. I find it is so bankrupt of ideas, it can't even come up with an interesting answer on how to balance protein with carbohydrates. But the Atkins diet? Now that I give two thumbs up.'

I notice it's become a badge of honor to brag about how hard it is for someone to lose weight.

'Oh, if I eat just one slice of cake I'll gain ten pounds.'
'That's nothing. If I eat just one potato chip I'll gain at least 20 pounds.'
'Heck, if I just think about food, I'll gain 50 pounds.'
'Well, I gain weight even when I'm sleeping!'

Okay, maybe that last one was an exaggeration, but you get my point. Being skinny gets lonely at times. I sit on the sidelines and watch the other women as they exchange weight loss war stories and cry on each other's shoulders. Everyone around me is trying to lose weight. Everyone, that is, except me. And if everyone around me cannot lose weight, maybe I'm the one with the problem?

When I got pregnant for the first time I was so excited. FINALLY, I was going to put on that weight every woman in my life had promised me. Nine months passed and at long last I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Two days later I eagerly put on my pre-pregnancy clothes, anticipating that I would not be able to squeeze them on. As I pulled on my size 1 jeans I screamed in bitter anger. In misery I saw that I was actually smaller than before I was pregnant.

I looked at myself in the mirror with resentment. They told me all I had to do was have kids and I'd gain weight. Why does it happen to everyone else but me? Why am I the ONLY person I know of that can't gain weight?

My husband was always pushing me to gain weight.
'You need to eat red beans and rice.'
'You need to put some meat on them bones.'
When I asked him why did he marry me if he didn't like me the way I was, he answered, 'I thought you would gain weight once you had the baby but look at you,' He gestured at me with disgust. 'Your pants are practically falling off you.'
And I'd escape to the bedroom to cry hot tears of pain.

I was in the doctor's office and the nurse was trying to fit the blood pressure cuff around my arm. 'Oh my,' she said, 'You have such TINY arms. We might need to get the pediatric blood cuff.'

And then, like a cashier announcing over the store intercom a price check for hemorrhoid cream, she yelled down the hallway 'Child blood pressure cuff! Does anyone have a child blood pressure cuff?' I wanted to die with embarrassment. Oh Melanie, you say, she was just giving you a compliment. Funny, it didn't feel like a compliment. Why do I need the 'special' blood pressure cuff? Why is being overweight is considered the norm and I'm not?

The grass is always greener you tell me. You don't know what it's like trying to find something that will fit you. Umm, actually, yes I do. Go into any discount store like TJ Maxx or Ross and walk over to the dress section.

It's like the size of the dress tells you how many dresses will be there. Don't believe me, look at the racks. For size 6 dresses there will be exactly six dresses. For size 4 dresses, there will be four dresses, and for size 2- well, I'm lucky if there are any size 2s available. Now, go look at how many size 12, 14 and 16 size dresses are on the rack. There are oodles and oodles of them.

You can get a pair of XXXL pants at Walmart for $8 but I have to pay $60 for a pair of size zero pants from New York & Co.

You have nothing to complain about you tell me. All the models are skinny, all the actresses are skinny, the media says skinny is in. Oh sure, I listen to the media alright and you know what I hear?

Real women have curves
Never trust a Skinny Cook
According to Monique F.A.T. stands for Fabulous and Thick and skinny women are evil.
B.B.W. is an acronym for big beautiful women but there isn't an acronym for skinny women.

When someone is overweight, it's because they may have a medical problem. When someone is skinny, it's because they starve themselves, or go to the bathroom to purge. I have to say, my lawn is looking pretty brown right now.

So yeah, you can say I have no idea what it's like being overweight. But I know there is one thing I have in common with overweight women. I do know what it feels like to be judged because of your size.