Mindy Jackson

         Mindy Jackson was a short glass of cognac. A petit something. She wasn't cognac poured into a regular old glass. Not Mindy. She was one of those miniature Coca Cola glasses. Slender, but round in all the right places. She had skin smooth as butter. I once compared the smoothness of her skin to a porcelain doll. But I decided it didn't make any sense because she wasn't white. And she was too pretty be one of those colored dolls that nobody wanted to play with. The teachers said those dolls were in the toy bin to be proper. But I knew the doll was only there for Mindy.
         It was supposed to be just like her in the obvious sort of way. The only colored thing in a sea of white. In our school, she stood out. From K-12 she was always the colored doll to them. But to me, she was nothing like the doll. She was the last butterscotch and I wanted to taste her sweetness.
         Mindy was so tiny she was sometimes mistaken for one of the younger kids. The new teacher once called her out in second period. Said she was in the wrong class. Mindy had given her one of those smug grins, the kind where her dimples pierced her cheeks but her eyes were smoldering black coals. She was graceful about it. And the teacher knew Mindy was in the right class without her uttering a word.
         I remembered that. Moments like that made me worship her. Tom and Wes played handball after school but I would rather walk Mindy home. Some of the boys liked to smack her on her round bottom. They used to flip her skirt up and run off and I really thought it was stupid. They didn't do that to Penny or Sarah. They only did it to Mindy.
         As we got older Mindy and I never talked much. Still, I walked her home. The boys didn't harass her anymore but I did it out of habit, and the whole way I was having these seedy conversations with her in my head. I'd tell her how pretty she was, and how I wanted to take her to my room instead. I imagined her eyes would light up and she would give me this mischievous nod. We would have some privacy. I had moved to my parent's basement and she could scream as loud as she wanted to. I asked if she liked it on top or from behind, because missionary was for beginners. And I wanted to go straight to the hard and heavy stuff. I told her where I would lick her, the place that would make her purr like a kitty.
         "Well see you tomorrow, then," Mindy would say. It was the same as she always did. She would kind of jog the rest of the way to her door, making it kind of pointless to walk her all the way. I was always just out of eyesight of her folks. And she always turned back to look at me, but she never waved or said goodbye. I could sort of see the outline of her father at the door. But then she disappeared inside and I was left with my cold fantasies.
         I'd trudge back to my house, grab dinner and take it down to the basement. Mom hated when I did that. But Dad said it was normal for teenaged boys and I should just be allowed to do what I wanted so long as I wasn't drinking underaged and I kept my grades up. Sometimes I didn't even eat my dinner. I would just start thinking about Mindy and her mysterious dark eyes. None of the girls at school had eyes as dark as hers and I often wondered what was behind them. Sometimes I would use my hand and pretend like it was Mindy. Deep, round and wet.
         Tom and Wes usually came over after dinner so I made sure I cleaned up before they got there. We would play Atari for a little while, and we drank some beers they had snuck in their pockets. Then they would start talking about how hot Penny was, and how her boobs were big and perky. Wes said Sarah had smaller boobs but she slobbed his knob before and she was good at it. Tom said the same thing.
         Somehow we got to talking about nipples and how they varied from girl to girl. Some were small and pointy, some were bigger than pepperonis. They were all pink. But then Tom said he didn't think black girls had pink nipples. I told him they were brown like their eyes. Of course they didn't believe I knew anything but I assured them that I'd seen a black girl's nipples before.
         "You talking about Mindy Jackson?" Wes said, smirking.
         I didn't say anything. I just kept a smug grin.
         "Dude, you scored with her." Tom laughed as he said it, as if it was more funny than cool. Because Mindy was just a colored doll, and they were all hot for porcelain.
         But something made me keep it going. Scoring with a black girl was at least better than not scoring at all. The truth was I only knew black girls had brown nipples because I had found some ebony porn in the fetish section and I bought it. And Gus rung me up because I had money, not because I was of age. Because I wasn't.                                                  Tom and Wes had no idea. I talked about it like a real pro. The way I flipped Mindy this way and smacked her that way. Tom said he did all that before with Sarah but come to think of it, we were probably all virgins.
         Wes got this devilish look in his eyes like he wanted a piece of the action too. He said he wanted to fuck her hard like she deserved. But I ignored it. Mindy was all mine. Then Tom told me he hoped I wasn't taking Mindy to prom because that would be embarrassing. Really, it would. All the guys wanted to take Penny to prom because she was blonde and had a rack like Pamela Anderson. Sarah was second because she was a guaranteed score. Mindy was nowhere on that scale and I knew it.
         The next day after school I asked Mindy if she was going to prom and she said she wasn't going. I asked her why not.
         "Because I'm not going alone. And I'm not giving some guy my virginity just because he took me to prom." She looked me up and down when she said it, like she was accusing me of something. I stood there like an idiot, and Mindy jogged the rest of the way to her front door. Her shoulder length hair was bouncing up and down but it didn't bounce like the other girls' hair. It was a little thicker and shinier.
         The next day I asked Penny to prom and she said yes. I got all these little nods from the guys, like I had gained a mountain of respect. Like I was Man of the Year or something. It felt good.
         Wes ended up taking Monica Bennet and Tom ended up with Sarah. He said he would rather not take his chances on getting a piece of ass on prom night. Again, Sarah was guaranteed. And the guys wouldn't stop raving about how I'd managed to pull Penny. She was the hottest girl in school and I'd graduate like a god. But it didn't feel like it. Penny was hot but she wasn't what I wanted.
         Prom happened. All the girls were dolled up, but there was one doll missing. I pretended not to care but Penny asked why I was so quiet. I told her I just needed more punch. Afterwards, I comforted myself knowing I was finally going to get laid. It wouldn't be Mindy but at least it would be good practice. When we got in the car, Penny asked me to drop her home. I asked her why, and she told me it was because she wanted to keep her virginity, that the only reason she agreed to go to prom with me was because she knew I wouldn't make any moves.
         "Penny, I'm...are you sure?" I almost stuttered but I kept my cool.
         Penny smiled and patted my cheek. Not even a kiss. Just a pat. "Let's not and say we did." Then she got out of the car, flashed her blue eyes at me one last time. I still remember the click of her heels on the pavement. How it echoed. And all I could think about was Mindy. Because of prom night, I did graduate like a god. Except I knew it was just silly, because I had gone all these years deprived. Empty.
         Over the summer there was no need to walk Mindy home, but it was my last summer in town and I wanted an excuse to see her. I noticed her grass hadn't been cut in weeks so I knocked on the door and asked Mrs. Jackson if they needed their lawn mowed.
         When I was in the shed, Mindy peeked her head inside and gave me a pressed lip grin. Her dimples pierced her cheeks and I almost melted.
         "What are you doing here?" She asked.
         "Cutting your grass."
         "And why are you doing that?"
         "Needs mowing."
         It was hard for me to look at her without feeling aroused since we were alone in the place. So I kept my words short and my head down. Then she moved closer to me. I could feel it, the hairs on my arm rising.
         "That doesn't answer my question, Scott. But whatever." She poked me in the arm. I didn't move. I just stood there again, like an idiot. "Well have fun," she smirked. "Turn the light off in the shed when you're done." Then she disappeared into the house.
         I looked at my knuckles and they were bone white because I was grabbing the lawn mower handle so tight. I wondered why that happened to me sometimes. It was some power Mindy had over me.
         I kept mowing Mrs. Jackson's lawn every week. I mowed it so much that sometimes the grass didn't even need cutting but I mowed it anyway. Mrs. Jackson probably realized how absurd I was. And I wondered why Mr. Jackson was never around anymore.
         "My dad had a stroke a few months ago," said Mindy. We were sitting in the shed eating Popsicles. Mindy sat on top of the freezer, shorts cutting into her thick brown thighs, legs swinging back and forth. Her t-shirt wasn't tight, but I could see the imprint of her nipples through the cotton.
         "I didn't know," I said. "He's going to be alright when you go off to college?"
         It was my last day in town. I was packed up for Ohio State and it was going to be the time of my life, people said. But I wasn't sure what kind of time it would be, whether or not Mindy was going too, or if I would finally get laid and start college like a real man.
         "I'm not going to college." Mindy said it matter-of-fact, like it didn't bother her. But I had a feeling it did. "Dad's treatment costs a lot. So I'm staying home to work."
         "Oh," I replied. I didn't know what else to do so I stood really close to her. I had finished my Popsicle and slid the little stick into my pocket. Mindy lingered with hers. She kept sliding it in and out of her mouth, real slow and sticky. I kept looking at her full lips. Those deep dimples.
         I got so close to her our noses almost touched. She kept sucking that Popsicle until there was nothing but the stick, then she looked in my eyes with those smoldering black coals. My heart thumped. There was so much I wanted to tell her. How I really felt. How much I would miss her. But instead I asked her if she was still a virgin.
         She nodded slowly. I gulped. Somehow my hands found their way onto her thighs, right above her knees and I squeezed. She inhaled a little, closed her eyes. Then I felt a shaky breath escape her lips. Mine were really close to hers now, almost kissing.
         I whispered, inching my hands closer to her hips. "I leave tomorrow but I'll be back next summer. Will you wait for me?"
         Again she nodded slow and subtle. I squeezed again and leaned forward to kiss her. But she turned her face, and my lips landed on her cheek. We stayed there, frozen for a moment. She pushed my hands away from her thighs and hopped down from the freezer. It was then I noticed that my little guy was standing at attention.
         Mindy chuckled at me, looking me up and down like she always did. "Have fun in college, Scott." Then she left me in the shed alone.
         The whole ride to Ohio State, I thought about that moment in the shed. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering by my toes. I could still feel the rush, and again my knuckles turned bone white as I gripped the steering wheel. That buzz in my ears. Her lips. That taste of sweet oranges lingered. I was a wreck.
         And college. Well, let's say I didn't start as a man, but I finished my first semester like one. Girls like Sarah were any and everywhere and I got my first blow job at a party, sitting on somebody else's dorm bed. When I released myself into her mouth it was some kind of calm I felt. Like the storm was about to really get started. I didn't know the girl's name but I didn't care to know. Her skin was pasty white but I pretended it was brown  and I thought of orange Popsicles.
         The next day the girl showed up in my dorm room to take my virginity. And she really did take it. One minute she was asking about the biology notes, the next minute she was riding on top of me. All the porn I had watched in the basement were like blank tapes because I couldn't remember a thing. I just let it happen. All two minutes of it.
         After a while it was easy. I learned tricks with my tongue. Butt slapping and nipple pinching. I learned to last more than two minutes. I learned how to entertain sluts. The kind who wanted me to release on their face. The kind who wanted me to enter them from behind, and then watch as each of my room mates did the same.
         In the back of my mind I was glad Mindy didn't go to college. If this was what it was all about, I couldn't stomach it. I couldn't stomach the idea of a bunch of guys taking her from behind. Some guy fucking her brainless. I cringed. Not Mindy. She was mine.
         I called home to tell my parents about my grades, and of course, they were horrified. They told me I had better register for summer session to fix it. And I did. Tom and Wes went home, claiming they would show Sarah what they learned in college. But I stayed at school for the summer, painfully, heart oozing for Mindy.
         Something told me I should call her house. Maybe ask to speak to her. But for some reason I didn't do it. I wasn't sure if it was because I thought her folks didn't like me, or because I knew Mindy couldn't wait to talk to me. My knuckles were turning white again as I gripped my pencil.
         I didn't come home until the following summer. And when I did, I went straight to Mindy's house. I thought about what to say to Mrs. Jackson, if I should keep asking to mow the lawn. Or if I should just cut the bullshit and say it.
         "I'm in love with your daughter."
         But Mrs. Jackson opened the door and said Mindy wasn't home. I turned away with drooped shoulders. I had done it. I had gone to her house bold as day and I had made it clear who I was there to see. But there was a scowl in Mrs. Jackson's eyes. Maybe Mindy's folks didn't like me after all.
         I'd heard Mindy was working Donna's Bar & Grill and that she usually closed the restaurant. All summer long I made it a mission to stop by, but I never did. I kicked myself every night at 11 o'clock because I knew that was probably when Mindy got off work. And she probably needed someone to walk her home. And I wasn't there. I was never there.
         One day I had enough of kicking myself. I got up off my couch at 10:30 and emerged from the basement. My mother was sitting at the kitchen table doing Sudokus and my father was snoring from the living room, the glare of the TV flashing over the carpet.
         "I'll be back, Mom," I said. I didn't give her enough time to ask me where I was going. I just left.
         I walked all the way to Donna's, under the street lamps, in the middle of the night breeze. I was going to see her tonight. I was. And when I got to Donna's parking lot I could see the blur of a little brown girl through the window. Sweeping the floor, wiping tables. She took her apron off, and she laughed at some joke one of the other waitresses told her. I knew her by her dimples. Pretty Mindy Jackson.
         I stood there, ten minutes past 11. Finally Mindy emerged. When she saw me she stopped, eyes so round I could see the white around her pupils.
         "I thought I'd walk you home," I said, blushing.
         She gave me that smug grin and held up a bunch of keys.
         "Except I don't need you to walk me home."
         I laughed a little. "You got a car now?"
         She nodded and she led me to a little blue Toyota. We both got in and she started it up. It was putting a little, but it ran. We passed by our old school and my eyes lingered on the flag pole. I started to say stuff about school when we were kids, but something held me back. I almost got a lump in my throat, because there was something sad about all of this. Before I could make small talk she beat me to it.
         "How is college?" She asked. She looked almost the same as when I had left her. A little flower. But something was different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I figured I looked much worse. Like I had taken a beating from all-night study sessions, binge drinking and rough sex.
         "It's good," I answered. "How's your dad?"
         "He's good. Almost back to normal."
         Then this awkward silence followed. I could slice the tension with my pocket knife. Nothing was back to normal.
         "Turn right here," I blurted. "My place is on the the left."
         I squeezed my fingers together, hearing the tick of the turning signal. Mindy didn't say anything. She just parked the car in my driveway and removed her seatbelt.
         "You want to see my room?" I asked her. She nodded, a mischievous look in her eyes. "I live in the basement so you can scream as loud as you want."
         "Scott, don't be silly!" She shoved me in the arm.
         I led her through the front door, right where my mother could see her. I wanted to show her. Everyone. Mindy was here and I loved her. But my mother was not sitting in the kitchen. It was dark. And I didn't even hear my father's snores.
         Mindy followed me down to the basement and when I turned the light on she blinked hard. She looked so out of place there. This petite little coke bottle, smooth and brown. And all this junk. Empty beer cans and dirty laundry.
         "Um, I guess I should..." I began to rush around, shoving pizza boxes under the couch and pushing stuff out of the way.
         "Stop. It's okay." She grabbed my arm and when she did, this electric shock went through me. It was like high voltage, buzzing in my ears. All I saw was her full lips moving toward me. I took her tiny waist in my hands and lifted her up a little, so we were face to face. And then I lost myself in her kisses.
         It was wet, sticky, and for some reason I tasted that sweet orange flavor. I kept thinking it was all in my head but then I didn't know what was in my head because the room was a blur. And I was getting light headed.
         I collapsed onto the couch and brought her with me. She landed on top of me, breathing hard. Those thick thighs straddled me and I took handfuls of her hips. She pressed them onto me and I felt the squeeze between her thighs. My hands moved over her bottom, eclipsing each cheek. I breathed in her scent, poking my nose behind her ears and lapping at her neck.
         She pulled away from me long enough to remove her black t-shirt. Beneath it was her round, supple breasts. There was this blissful feeling when I saw the delicate skin, nipples peeking through her lace bra. It was like opening a box of chocolates and finding only two left. Your favorite kind.
         I kissed her again. Long and hard. Fingers working to unclasp her bra, the trick I had learned in college so well. And when I saw those brown nipples, there was a certain tightness in my pants. She exhaled a little, sliding herself back and forth over my groin.
         I took her nipple in my mouth, moved over it with my tongue, and rolled the other one between my fingers. I cupped both of her breasts in my hands, licking them all over. Mindy's eyes were closed and her eyebrows where furrowed like she was concentrating really hard.
         I felt the motion of her hips grinding back and forth. They were strong for her size, moving to a rhythm of their own. She was pressing herself over the my bulge, hard enough for me to feel a little crevice.
         I couldn't take much more of it. I pushed her back against the cushion of the couch. Her breasts jiggled as she landed. And my kisses trailed from the nape of her neck to below her belly button. It was a sea of brown. Waves of her tight little stomach pulsed, ribs showing when she inhaled so deeply.
         She paused to pull my shirt over my head and I bared my white chest to her. It was what was left of summer push ups and and sit-ups between classes. She ran her hands over my abs and the hard lines that had formed.
         I unbuttoned her pants and slid them down, past her knees and off of her little feet. Her pink panties stared back at me, and a wet spot had formed between the lips of her womanhood. I slid the strings of her panties over my thumbs and pulled them off her hips. The triangle of skin below her navel called me. I brought my lips to meet it. I pushed her legs up until her feet dangled above my head. Her lips opened up and I saw their pretty smile.
         My tongue danced over her moisture. I lapped at the sweetness, like thick caramel and bananas. I found her pleasure button and began swirling it around, back and forth. I licked it up and down until she was panting. She dug her fingernails into my scalp, tugging on my brunette hair.
         I made her moan, squeezing her buttocks and flicking my tongue fast. She locked her feet behind my head and pulled me even closer. And I kept making circles with her nub, until the moans grew into sharp whimpers.
         Her back arched high, and she kept pressing my face into her wetness. I made the circles more intense, and I could feel her energy building up. Her breaths became deeper, and the whimpers were more frequent. Her hips moved in waves against my chin, until I felt her knees shaking. She got quiet for a second, then she let this piercing cry escape. It was breathy and warm and full of everything. Then a wall of wetness flowed over my tongue. I licked all of it and swallowed.
         I climbed back on top of her and looked her in her almond eyes. She blinked, biting her lip. Her hands held onto my sides and she inched them down to my waist. I took the cue and unzipped, letting my shaft out for her to see.
         She looked at it with yearning, still biting her lip. I slid my pants down to my knees and moved my hips over hers. Using one hand to guide myself into her, the other hand caressed her face.
         The moment I felt her wetness, my heart skipped a beat. It was divine. And I plunged into her, slowly and steadily. With each inch, she pulled in more breath, fingers digging into my back. Her moaning had a twinge of pain in it. But I kept giving her myself, until I couldn't push any further. Her mouth gaped open and she kept huffing and puffing as I stroked. In and out. I grabbed her hips with both hands and pumped. Smooth.
         The huffs got heavier with each stroke. She whimpered short, airy breaths. It was nothing like the porn I had seen. Mindy. She was sweet and genuine. There was no screaming about her. Only those deep airy breaths and those little whimpers. It was like a symphony in my ears.
         I pushed harder and she dug her fingernails deeper. I began to pound her, and she let out sharp cries, airy. Deep. Then I paused long enough for her to turn over on her stomach. I parted her cheeks with my hands and plunged my shaft into her once more. This time she yelped. Higher and higher. She was breathing hard. I thought maybe I should have held back a little but the sounds she made intrigued me.
         I kept pounding her. And every time my groin met her tailbone, her bottom jiggled in waves. I marveled at the contrast. It was like cream being poured into a round bowl of chocolate. The way I drove into her, she seemed like she wanted it. She was throwing herself back to me. I took both cheeks in my hands and squeezed. This warm sensation was slowly building, flooding my legs and hips. It was rising. I knew it was about to erupt.
         Everything began to rush. Her skin, her panting and her shiny hair bobbing up and down. I squeezed her harder. Pumping. In and out. Harder. Harder. She was moaning loudly now. The build up was incredible. I knew I would come any second. I pounded again. Once. Twice. Mindy.
         I pulled out in time for my seed to squirt over her lower back. I was near out of breath and she was still panting. I collapsed over her, not caring that the stickiness was caught between us. I exhaled over her ear and rested my face on top of hers. Mindy didn't say anything. She just breathed. And we stayed like that for about an hour.
         After a while I began to feel her crawling under me, so I let her get up. I rolled over, and she sat up on the couch. I sat up too, looking at her naked body. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And for the first time in my life, I knew what it was like to be possessed.
         My heart was incapable of beating. I had been trying to find words to say but suddenly I stopped trying. I knew what I had to say. I hadn't seen Mindy's face yet and she seemed to be hiding it. I reached for her chin but she snatched it from me. Then she proceeded to tell me stupid I was. How stupid and dumb and lame I really was.
         "Mindy...what's wrong?"
         She kept shaking her head. "Why didn't you come home last summer?"
         I didn't know how to answer. I just knew what was trying to bubble out from my lips.
         "You said you were coming back."
         "I know. I..." I trailed off. I turned her shoulders toward me and held her firm. "Mindy I love you." My voice cracked but I couldn't stop gushing. "I couldn't say it before. I didn't know how."
         "You told me to wait for you." Tears were welling in her eyes.
         "I'm in love with you and I can't hide it anymore."
         "No you're not."
         "I am."
         "Why did you tell me to wait for you? You didn't come back."
         I stopped talking for a moment, long enough to gulp back the lump in my throat. Suddenly the motions she made when I entered her flooded my senses. The moans. She had done it before. Mindy wasn't a virgin anymore.
         "Didn't you wait for me?" I asked. Instantly I wished I hadn't.
         Mindy shook her head. There was this anger. And I realized it had been there the whole time. It was in Mrs. Jackson's eyes when I asked to see her. It was there when Mindy saw me at Donna's.
         "Who was it?" I asked. "Who took your virginity?"
         She didn't answer me. Instead, she stood and began dressing herself. She pulled her pants up sharply. She put her bra back on, like she wasn't going to tell me.
         "Who was it?" I demanded.
         With her back turned to me, raven hair covering her face, a little voice squeaked. "Tom and Wes."
         "Tom and Wes?"
         She nodded and turned around. Her face was tear streaked and she spoke through gritted teeth. "Last summer. And you weren't there."
         "You didn't want..."
         "No I didn't want it. I didn't want them to take it. But they took it. And you weren't there." She gathered her things and rushed for the steps. I stood up, running after her, but Mindy paused. Stopped me in my tracks. "I don't need you to walk me home, Scott." She looked me up and down, in that accusing sort of way. With smoldering coals in her eyes she said, "not anymore."
         And then she pushed through the basement door. In the pit of my stomach I knew it was my fault. I didn't think I could undo it or if it could be undone. But she was gone. My sweet, innocent Mindy Jackson.