I Who Struggle

I Who Struggle

By Doug Plamping

I awake.
Warmth coming from above.
Awakening me.
There was something I should check.
Life water?
I felt it on my container, and I know what to do.
I push.
What contained me cracks.
I reach.
I pull in the life water from around me.
It starts.

I grow.
What contained me is broken.
Different outside?
I know little, but I know what to do next.
Reach down.
Down for food and life water.
Reach up.
Up to seek the light.
I reach.
I must succeed in reaching the light.
Or die.

I feed.
I consume myself.
I reach.
A race against death.
A limit?
Not enough of myself to continue.
Up only.
Seek the light.
Too late?
The end is near.
Last push.

I feel.
I feel the light.
Food flows.
Up to where the light changes it.
I feed.
Again I reach down.
Seeking food.
Again I reach up.
More light.
The container no longer holds me.
Something new?

A leaf?
It feels the light.
It breathes.
I know something new.
Many leaves.
There will be many leaves.
A pattern.
A pattern of leaves, of branches.
Many patterns.
I will become something new.
A tree!

Not yet.
I must grow towards the light.
A task.
But first to begin.
I grow.
A second leaf starts.
Then another.
I feel stronger.
They breathe.
To the light.
I grow.

The light!
The light is going away.
The end?
The light has gone!
The end?
My leaves breathe differently.
I rest.
This does not feel like the end.
I rest.
The light stays away.
I sleep.

The light!
It has returned.
Expected return?
I know little, but this is an expected part of my life.
A pattern.
A new pattern, the light will come and go.
I grow.
And I will sleep again.
A pattern.
And I will grow again.
A cycle.

I feel.
Life around my leaves.
Other life.
I am not alone!
Different life.
They are not the same as me.
They grow.
They grow towards the light too.
I grow.
I must grow faster, this I know.
I grow.

I feel.
Life around my roots.
Touching me.
They are not the same as me.
Seeking food.
It is my food they seek!
They grow.
Seeking the food and the life water.
I grow.
I must grow my roots faster, this I know.
I struggle.

I grow.
Above the life around my leaves.
Stronger light.
Each leaf responds and turns to the light.
I grow.
Below the life around my roots.
New food.
A new supply of life water.
I grow.
The light ends.
I sleep.

The warmth!
It has returned and I live.
Expected life?
I know little, but this is an expected part of my life.
A pattern.
Seasons, the warmth will come and go.
I grow.
And I will sleep again.
A pattern.
And I will grow again.
A cycle.

I feel.
Life around my leaves touching me.
Like me.
Some not like me, different.
Other trees!
We are all trees, a kind.
I know.
They grow towards the light too.
I grow.
I must grow faster, this I know.
I struggle.

I feel.
Life is found by my roots.
I touch.
Some are like me.
Others not.
It is my food and life water they seek!
They grow.
Life is to be a struggle, this I know.
I grow.
I must grow my roots faster.
I struggle.

Stronger light.
Above the other trees.
I grow.
To reach the light.
I struggle.
The season will change again, this I know.
I grow.
But the warmth fades.
I rest.
The light fades.
I sleep.

I awake.
Branches are gone!
Leaves lost.
The pattern is broken.
New branches.
Restore the pattern.
New leaves.
Restore the pattern.
Growth lost.
But I must restore the pattern for a season.
I repair.

I awake.
A new season.
The light.
It grows closer.
The light.
The pattern adapts to seek the light.
New branches.
Seeking the light.
New leaves.
I grow for a season.
I sleep.

I grow.
The light is near.
Stronger light.
I reach with new branches and new leaves.
Light feeds.
Food and life water flows.
I feed.
I feel on my topmost leaves a message.
A mother.
She sings to her children.
My mother?

She warns.
The leaf eaters come.
Leaf eaters?
I know little, but I know what to do next.
I change.
The food that flows to the leaves must change.
Be different.
The leaf eaters crawl on me.
Leaves die.
But only some.
I repair.

I grow.
I reach for stronger light.
Light feeds.
The branch that leads to the light breaks!
Reaching stops.
I know little, but I know what to do next.
I choose.
A branch to be the one that leads to the light.
Turn up!
Growth delayed but I strengthen the branches.
Season ends.

I awake.
A new season, but not to grow.
A struggle.
The branch must turn up.
I sleep.
I awake to a new season, but not to grow.
A struggle.
The branch must turn up.
It reaches!
The branch leads to the light.
Pattern repaired.

I grow.
Reaching up to the light
Stronger light.
New branches and new leaves.
Light feeds.
I feel a new pattern.
Something new.
But part of the pattern.
Not leaf.
On every branch are the not leaf.
I wait.

I feel.
On my leaves a taste that changes the not leaf.
I feel.
The leaf eaters and the walkers carry the taste too.
A change.
The not leaves change to something new.
Something familiar.
Something from the beginning.
I wait.
Soft now and part of me is inside it.
It changes.

It hardens.
The not leaf continues to change.
Now hard.
The part of me inside the not leaf is gone.
Something familiar.
Something from the very beginning.
A container!
Many containers on every branch.
Something new.
A new pattern, a larger pattern?
I wait.

Walkers come.
Containers are taken but not all.
Leaves die.
More containers are gone.
Leaves drop.
All the containers are gone.
A pattern?
I do not know.
A cycle?
I do not know.
I sleep.

I awake.
I feel new roots not deep.
Not me.
But like me.
The containers?
They reach for the life water.
Like me!
Am I a mother?
My children?
A new cycle.
A mother.

Not leaf.
Again on every branch.
A cycle.
The taste that changes the not leaf.
They change.
The not leaf hardens.
The containers.
Walkers come and containers are taken.
A cycle.
I sing to my children.
A mother.

I awake.
I grow and the not leaves come.
A pattern.
The not leaf hardens.
New containers.
Walkers come and containers are taken.
A cycle.
I sleep and I awake.
Many cycles.
I am fulfilled for I am.
A mother.

I awake.
I grow but I am hurt.
Broken.
Cut off from the life water.
Not standing.
Branches and leaves lost.
Leaves die.
I am dying.
I sing.
Children did I do well?
Did I?