If the world knew who I am

If the world knew who I am,
what I have done to myself,
the many shameful things,
that even beggars,
a considered lowly person,
would not do.

How would they react upon my horrible mistakes?
What would their responses be?
What kind of faces would they make?
Could it be an annoyed face?
Or could it be I-do-not-want-to-see-you-again face?
Would they beat me up till I am left with no energy to even stand up?
Would the people whom I loved dearly leave me alone, confused in this creepy world?
Would they put on those weird faces when they bump into me?
Would they make fun of me if they knew the truth about me?

The real truth, the ugly truth about me…
Which no one ever would believe that I had once acted like that.

Doing things that would lead me to a miserable life,
that would only give me nothing,
destroying my naive and uncorrupted soul,
which I had in the past,
make me think of my never accepted sins repeatedly,
Until I gave up on my hopes,
my future,
to put an end to my life,
do nothing and keep my mouth shut for good.

I always hated the way I misbehaved,
But I always behaved badly,
And I always found myself sleeping with regretful tears.