The Long Road Ahead

I take a deep breath before checking into St. Mungos.On a certain level, to some extent, I was ready for this all to be over. I missed sleep, it was like a crush I had once had but lost. I was missing it wholly. The receptionist told me to take a seat and wait. I did as I was told, closing my eyes after sitting down. After what seemed like a small eternity, my name is called.

“Daniel Miller?” I stand up.

“Yes?”

“The doctor is ready to see you know. If you could just follow me.”

I oblige, following the receptionist back. After a walk through the hallway, she takes me to a room. It is fairly spacious, a typical therapist’s office.

“The doctor will be with you shortly.” I nod, she leaves, I take a seat on the lounge couch, laying down, closing my eyes again.

“Mr. Miller?” My eyes slowly open as I hear the voice of the doctor. “My name is Doctor Smith.” He extends a hand to me.

“Dan Miller, but I suppose you already knew that. Nice to meet you Doctor Smith.”

“Please, just call me John in this room.” I find it a bit odd, but nod. “Now, I understand you’ve been plagued by violent nightmares, is this correct?” I nod again. “Tell me about them.” I take a deep breath, tears beginning to well as I recount the horrible visions that have been plaguing me for weeks.

_____

In different scenes, I see my friends and family dying, all of them. Emerald, Amanda, Kael, Chris, Irvette, Bella, Professor Dunlop, my parents, everybody. They all are shown dying in the same manner as my deaths, both slow torture and instant death. After all of them die, they explode in balls of light, disintegrating completely. After every death, a booming laugh fills the entire area, my ears, my whole being. The laugh is booming, deep, has a southern twang. As I watch each of the deaths, tears fill my eyes, but they don’t fall, they can’t fall. Even my tears are tinged an emerald green. I try to cry out, but I can’t make a sound. Everybody I care about, everybody I love is dead, and the voice booms over everything, filling my entire being.

You shouldn’t even have tried Miller! You should have known better! You don’t have a chance!

_____

Emerald appears out of thin air, chained to a crucifix like post. She was nearly unconscious. She looks up slowly and sees me, a look of hope flickering across her face.

“D-D-Dan...p-p-please...h-he-help me…”

“Let her go!”

You shall stand and watch as she suffers! At that moment, Emerald screams out in pain. It is a bloodcurdling scream, chilling me down to the core. She writhes in pain, but is still unable to move, chained up. Tears fall, mixing with the blood on her body from various deep cuts.

“No! Stop! Please!” I can watch no more, closing my eyes, turning my face away.

NO! YOU SHALL WATCH! Suddenly, my head snaps forward, my eyes being held open. I am now forced to watch Emerald get tortured.

“D-D-D-D-Dan...p-p-please…”

“Emerald…” I am forced to watch as she screams out in pain again. This is muggle torture, as I see a new cut forming up the length of her leg, from her ankle to her thigh.

_____

This will surely change you...for good! See now, the one you’ve loved. A shadowy arm, my shadowy arm, lifts, revealing Emerald, again chained to the crucifix-like post. I want nothing more than to break out of this fake body and free her. The Dan on the ground in front of her speaks.

“Emerald, please. Emerald, stay with me. Look at me...look at me. I’m going to get you out of here.”

“D-D-Dan..p-p-p-please...it h-h-h-h-hurts s-s-soo b-bad…”

“I know baby, I know. I’m going to find a way to get you out.”

Now, you shall make her suffer! You will be her destruction, you will have no choice! As if on command, the shadowy arm, my shadowy arm, lifts, pointed at Emerald. I cry out to myself: “NO!” It is too late. She is screaming out in pain, by my hand.

“AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! P-P-P-P-PLEEEAAASSSEEE S-S-STOP!!!!” But there is nothing I can do, nor is there anything the other Dan can do.

“Emerald! Please! Whoever you are, just stop! Tears start to fall from his eyes as we watches the one he’s always loved being tortured mercilessly from an unseen source. Emerald screams out again and again, all caused by my hand. The Dan on the ground is close to breaking down into utter madness. She cries out again, her voice getting raspy. Surely there can’t be much blood left in her, much fight left in her.

Don’t you see? You shall be her doom, her death! You have not heeded my words, and this is your path!

The shadowy arm raises one more time, and Emerald screams the loudest she has yet, suddenly her voice breaking as she slumps forward, body limp. The Dan on the ground breaks down into tears, rushing forward to hold her lifeless body, the body of the woman he always loved. Her blood rushes over his body as he holds her, her chains gone. He holds her, cradles her, crying over her dead, lifeless, fightless body. I am disgusted to the point of throwing up, but can do nothing about it. Dan wails in agony as he realizes that this isn’t a trick, that Emerald is really gone, gone for good. His scream, my own scream, breaks my heart to hear, and only makes stronger my feelings of disgust. In the blink of an eye, everything melts away. I am falling into a dark void, the body’s endless, booming laughter now mixed with both Emerald’s scream the moment before her death, and my own wails of agony. I am falling forever, stuck in a black hell of endless noise.

_____

Then I shall choose! Amanda, the one you say you love now!

"D-D-Dan...p-please...i-i-it hu-hur-hurts..."

"Amanda! I know babe, I know it does. Don't worry, I'll find a way out of this, I promise you!"

An empty promise! There is no escape. Now, watch her die!

"D-Dan...p-pleAAAAAAAAAA!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! NOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! N-NO MORE! PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I can do nothing but watch in sickening horror as the girl I love now is tortured.DAN!! PLEAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

"Stop! Please! I can't take it!"

This is what you shall become! Now watch as your actions truly begin to unfold!

Emerald awakens again in my arms, screaming in pain. Her screams join those of Amanda, Bella, and Professor Dunlop. I would rather be deaf, having to hear the screams is sickening. Soon, Bella, Amanda, and Professor Dunlop are all dead. Emerald is the only one left screaming.

_____

“Well hello, Emerald.”

“A-A-Alex!” It was Alex, the son of a bitch who left Emerald twice, the latter incident causing her to end her engagement. Alex runs his hand over Emerald’s cheek.

“LEAVE HER ALONE YOU SON OF A BITCH! LEAVE HER THE HELL ALONE!”

You can do nothing!

I struggle to get to Alex, but find myself tied to a post.

You shall watch her be hurt by the man who did nothing but!

He smacks her across the face, backhand. She whimpers as he does.

“NO! ALEX, I SWEAR!”

You can do nothing, Miller. You will never be able to do anything!

He hits her again and again and again, harder and harder and harder still. She is crying harder.

Do you understand now, Miller? You are helpless to stop her pain!

Alex pulls out an ornate knife, and sends it through her stomach, lodging it down to the hilt.

“NO! EMERALD!”

Alex leaves the knife in her, and smacks her again.

“A-A-A-lex...p-p-p-please…”

_____

The doctor is silent as I break down, recounting each horrific detail I’ve been forced to experience. As I finish, I cover my face, crying like I would when I jolted awake from the nightmares.

“Very interesting, Dan, very interesting. You are very attached to this Emerald girl, corect? I nod, still crying.

“M-m-more th-than...a-anything…” Doctor Smith nods.

“And this...Alex figure...who is he?”

I calm down enough, after a while, to have a decent conversation. “He’s her...ex-fiance.”

“And why, in your nightmares, did he only torture her?”

“He...left her twice. He cared about his damn potions more than her! The anger in my words is growing. The waves of magic begin emanating from me as they had many times in the past. His fiance! He DESTROYED her! TWICE!” All of my sadness has now become anger.

The Doctor only nods, he does not try to calm me. “And who is this shadow? He is the center evil in all of this? Where did he come from?”

“I...I don’t know. He’s just...just a shadow, no face…”

“One thing I did note, Dan, in your first nightmare was that this...shadow, whoever or whatever it is, had a southern twang to the laugh. This is an oddly specific detail, even for the random subconscious of the dreaming mind. Was it...inspired by anything, or anyone?”

“I...I think so. I don’t really know...maybe?”

“Well, who do you think it is?”

“Emerald’s new boyfr- erm...fiance.” The disgust in my voice is astounding.

“I take it you don’t like him, do you? I shake my head. “Have you...voiced your concern about him to anybody?”

“Yeah, one person. Guy named Alan at school. Asshole…”

“Why do you say that?”

“The FIRST thing he did after I confided my distrust of Beckham in Alan, he fucking TOLD her! That’s the one thing I told him NOT to do!”

“Have you done anything else about your distrust of this Beckham child?” I shake my head.

“He tried...talking to me once. He seemed so FUCKING arrogant! I lost it...I lost control, I snapped...I clocked him the the jaw, busted his lip.” My voice gives the impression that I’d like to do it again. The Doctor nods.

“What I have concluded, Daniel, is that your love for Mrs. Beckham-” I don’t let him get any further along in his sentence. I jolt up, against all rational thought, ditching the wand for a muggle approach. I grab a fistful of his shirt and raise my other fist. My anger is incredible.

“Don’t. You . DARE. Call. Emerald. That!” The Doctor remains calm, nodding.

“My apologies. Ms. Light, it is then. Is that better?” I let him go, lying back down on the lounger.

“When you talk about her, she is Emerald or Ms. Light to you!” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

“What I was going to say is that...your love for Ms. Light is very deep rooted, protective almost. Your feelings for her were strengthened when this Alex child left her, so naturally, your distrust for other men being close to her became extremely apparent when Mr. Beckham entered the picture. Now, they are engaged to be married, and you can’t stand it.”

“Spot on with everything, John.” I take another deep breath. “But why the torture? Why the endless pain, the endless screaming?”

“Simple. Your nightmares, from the start, took on the basis of the very thing you hate the most.”

“And that is?”

“Having to stand by helplessly as the girl you love more than life itself is hurt, incredibly so, as apparent by the vicious means of torture your subconscious has developed.” I take a very deep breath.

“There’s one more thing I don’t quite understand. A message the shadow keeps giving me.”

“And what is that, Daniel?”

“The shadow, almost every nightmare, tells me that I will be the cause of her pain. That I should have known better, that I won’t ever have a chance to save her, that I should never bothered.”

“Now that is a fair bit more difficult. I can’t seem to place that, I will need to think on it. So, I want you to come back every Saturday until we can get this figured out. Okay?”

“Thank you, Doctor Smith.” I stand up, offering my hand, having calmed down from earlier.

“You’re welcome, Mr. Miller.” He shakes my hand firmly. “Same time next Saturday, don’t forget.”

“I won’t Doctor.” I smile, and leave the hospital.

_____

As I left, I realized for the first time how tangled this entire mess is, how deep rooted my feelings are. I had never thought about it before, but I realized then, as we discussed my love for Emerald, that it was really love at first sight with her. This is going to take a very, VERY long time to fix.