Sins of the father

Sins of the Father


I turned the light in the bathroom on and stood in front of the mirror. My eyes were wide with fright, three ghostly torsos made a good nights sleep impossible. Now, I could see them floating behind me in the mirror.
One, made a sickly smile with the three bullet holes in his left temple. When the face turned to the right, part of his face was missing, it still had fresh blood and brain matter on it. The eye dangled in the hole where it’s jaw used to be. His busted teeth shined through, the ear nearly tore off, hanging by a tendon.
The middle spirits throat was sliced vertically, with multiple gun shots under his chin, the back of his head was gone exposing what was left of his brain. The third torsos head laid on it’s left shoulder as if his neck were rubber. His blood red eyes bulged as if they were going to pop out of his head. His chest and stomach still seeping blood as he held his innards in his hands.
Each one asking ‘why did you do this?’ then telling me of the families they left behind.


I tried to dust off the dirt from my torn shirt and jeans before I jumped in my pickup. My son’s watched, not sure if I was still mad. They knew to be quiet when I was in one of my moods as their mother called them. The drive home was silent except for the country crooner on the radio.
I tried to sneak in the front door, I looked at my watch, it was four thirty Tina would be preparing dinner. Justin and Austin ran in the back door becoming animated telling her about their baseball game. I hoped this would draw her attention from me. I crept across the living room almost to the safety of the bathroom.
Tina was no fool she knew something was wrong, she turned and saw me creeping away. “ Philip! Where do you think your going?” I froze, and turned to face her, I smiled a nervous smile. I looked down at the ground the same way the boys do when they’re caught doing wrong. Tina sauntered over and lifted my chin. She shook her head and put her hands on her hips.as she took in the dried blood under my nose and on my shirt. My knuckles were raw and bloody. Tina sighed, “What happened now!”
“Why does it have to be my fault?”
“I asked what happened, plus, I know you!”
“Some ass wipe, kept yelling at all the boys, he even knocked my soda over,”
“So, instead of being polite, you as always took the neanderthal route.” I turned as Austin and Justin came in they were both smiling, Justin said, “Mom you missed it, dad kicked some guys butt, it was awesome!”
“See what you’re doing, teaching the boy’s it’s okay to solve everything with violence. You’re damn near forty years old, when are you going to grow up. Boy’s, go change and get ready for dinner” as she stormed off. I knew it was going to be a long night. I went to the bathroom to clean my physical wounds. Thinking to myself, I was just defending myself, that son of a bitch will think twice before making fun of anyone else. Laugh at me and the my southern drawl good for nothing yankee. Why can’t I leave well enough alone. I sighed as I stared in the mirror, thinking, you worthless piece of shit. If it weren’t for dad I'D be in jail. Why is it I couldn’t keep a job? If I hadn’t started working for dad I would have nothing, he helped me, or kept me away from society.
I changed clothes, and headed to dinner. It smelled heavenly, meatloaf, mashed taters, hot rolls, green beans, and corn on the cob. I sat down and filled my tea glass. I looked around no one was talking, the mood was sedate. Tina still had that menacing look. She cleared her throat and said, “Bow y’alls head, we haven’t given God thanks for this meal.” She made sure to add at the end for God to help me control my temper, and even asked him not to let the boys end up with such a bleak outlook on life. Dinner seemed to drag on, I was a million miles away.
My thoughts went back to my problem, trying to find one time my temper didn’t get me in trouble. Kicked out of high school three times for fighting. Arrested for assault at eighteen, Dad was friends with the judge, so instead of jail I got four years in the Marines. The Marines is a stupid place to send someone with an anger problem. Prompted four times, demoted three, I went in a private and came out a private first class.
Tina cleared her throat, I looked up and tried to give her a smile. She took a drink of her iced tea then said, “Something wrong with your dinner?”
“No ma’am, it’s perfect.” Justin and Austin were snickering, their mom was the only person who could humble me.
“Then why aren't you eating it?” I cut my eyes at the boys, and smiled at Tina. “I’m sorry got a lot on my mind.” I started eating, again retreating back to memory lane. That was it there was one time, while in the Marines. When I was sent to Iran, we were diverted to Grenada for operation urgent fury, to quell the political coup. We had to help rescue one thousands American citizens. The battle seemed like it lasted longer than eight hours. We hit the beach with little resistance, then all hell broke loose. The explosions, and automatic gunfire almost made me shit myself. I hit the deck and tried to crawl to safety. Some how I got separated from my platoon. I affixed my bayonet, I wasn’t sure if it was fear of anger keeping me going. I Killed at least three men. The first one took me by surprise, I stared down the barrel of an AK-47. I prayed as my body trembled as the soldier yelled at me. I closed my eyes when I heard the click of of trigger. I opened my eyes as he started to check his weapon. I raised my rifle and gave him a three round burst in the temple. His body crumpled in a pool of fresh blood. I ran seeking a safe harbor.
The next one tripped over me as I sat crying like a baby. His eyes were narrowed, he was yelling trying to reach his estranged rifle. I sat on top of him my bayonet at his throat. he sat up and the blade sank into the hollow of his neck, I tried to jump up and my gun fired. I saw the back of his head turn to a liquid staining the ground behind him. His eyes stared up at me, as his body quaked uncontrollably. I got to my feet and took off again. I heard some voices and ran to them. It was a fellow Marine down on his back with an enemy on top of him, both fighting over a knife.
I ran to him and hit the enemy in the back of head as hard as I could, knocking him off the other Marine I knew in my heart I had killed him. However, my mind didn’t agree, I flipped my rifle over stabbing the the convulsing soldier repeatedly. After about the twentieth stab I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whisked around almost slicing a Marine second lieutenant, He grabbed my bloody rifle and said, “Stand down Marine, make your way back to the beach. Its over.” A surge of relief flowed through my body. I fell to my knees and gave thanks to God for sparing me.
I heard Austin and Justin getting boisterous trying to make their mom laugh. I snapped back, and slammed my hands down on the table and yelled, “Enough, you two need to be quiet and finish your dinner!” My eyes felt as big as cow patties, the fear still deep in my soul. Sweat running down my forehead. The battle once again ate at the base of my soul. I lashed out so no one would see how it affected me.
Tina looked up, “Boys finish your dinner in the living room.” They grabbed their plates without a word. Tina took her napkin and dried my forehead, “ You having a flashback?”
“I don’t have flash backs, or post traumatic shock syndrome. No, I will not go back to the Veterans hospital.”
“Honey, you have to do something, your temper getting out of control again. I pushed away from the table and stormed out the back door.
The sun was setting, I looked up and saw Tina approaching she had a glass of iced tea. She made her way through the large pile of freshly chopped wood. I wiped my face with my shirt, she handed me the glass and wiped the pieces of wood stuck to my sweaty torso. Tina looked at me a frown on her face and sorrowful eyes. She sat on a piece I hadn’t split yet, “Well, you feel any better?” I put the splitting maul down and sat beside her, my breathing still heavy, “If wore out is better, than yeah I do.” Tina leaned into me, I put my arm around her. “I’m sorry, I should have seen this coming, How are the boys?”
“They’re fine, in their room playing video games. What do we do about these outbreaks?”
“Outbreaks, what are you talking about?”
“I don’t know what to call them, you say there not PTSD. I know it’s something triggering your temper. Is it something that happened when you were in the service?. In all our years together I’ve never heard you talk about anything that happened while you were overseas.”
“ Okay, something did happen, but-well, I’ve never been able to talk about it. Matter of fact to this day it still scares the hell out of me.” I picked up a stick and started drawing in the dirt. I could feel my eyes getting misty thinking of the men I killed. I knew I had to do those dastardly acts, no one in the Corps batted an eye when it happened. I even got a ribbon for killing them. However, the haunting faces that controlled my soul didn’t see it that way.
“Okay, if that’s what you want I won’t nag you. I’m more worried this will kill you!” I looked at her my eyes wide in wonderment.
“Kill me, Really, how?
“I stayed with you when you drank everyday, I bailed you out of jail with no questions. I never asked about the dreams that make you break out in a cold sweat and cry. I held you until they passed. I’m afraid all this is taking it’s toll on your heart, you ain’t no spring chicken.” I laughed, “See, I never have to wonder how much you love me. I love you, and thanks for understanding. Did you same my dinner? I've worked up a powerful hunger.” Tina smiled, “I guess deep down I thought I would get more than a polite fix me a sandwich women.”
I showered and ate and went to bed. As Tina predicted, three weeks later the cycle started again. She told me of her concerns before she left to take care of her mother. I laughed it off and left it at that.
I couldn’t sleep, the lost souls invaded my slumber. I crept down the stairs, opened the refrigerator and scanned the contents. I grabbed a cold Mountain Dew, and looked out the window. The moon was three quarters full giving just enough light to see damage of the heat. The lawn was brown in places, some of the trees leaves were already falling. It had been a long hot summer. We only got two cuts of hay, I knew it wouldn't last the winter. Unless those damn hogs kept killing off the stock. I downed the soda, and tossed the can. I fetched my Winchester 30/30, the one daddy left me. I took it off the mantle and grabbed a box of shells, loaded it and poured the rest of the box in my utility pocket. Thinking hope them feral hogs haven’t killed any more cattle, two calves was enough. I grabbed my hat and rifle and headed for the barn to get ole Blue. It was already hot, no breeze, a normal day in August for Texas.
About thirty minutes into my ride I found the remains of a calf, that made three in four days. Boar tracks surrounded the the grizzly carcass, I knew that this pack of wild hogs could ruin the ranch. I sat there my face red with anger, I clenched the reins so hard my knuckles were white. I jerked the reins hard making the horse jumped and take off in a gallop.
I headed back home, jumped from my steed, and ran to the back door, slamming the door and yelled, “Austin, Justin get down here,” Within seconds I heard heavy footsteps ramble down the stairs. Austin said, “What is it Pa, you promised we could sleep in since ma’s gone.” Justin chimed in as he stood there holding his hand me down jeans up he hadn’t quite grown into. “Pa, it’s barely daylight.” The boys didn’t pay any mind to their dad’s mood, they were used to him being riled up.
“Boys, I’m well aware of the time, It’s time to help, if’n you two want to eat next year. We lose any more calves and we won’t have any new breeding stock next year. Your ma left some fresh biscuits, get some honey fill y’alls bellies and then get them cows moved to the winter pasture. If I’m lucky, we’ll be having a cookout to night, fresh hog.” The boys looked at each other, Austin said, “Oh hell yeah!” Justin laughed as he went upstairs to get dressed. I cut my eyes at Austin, “Boy, I won’t have that kind of talk here, Your ma may be away, but we got to respect her just the same. Now go get dressed before I tan your hide.”
I grabbed the plate of biscuits Tina left and sat them on the table, along with another Mountain Dew. I pulled the plastic wrap off the plate and took one and looked out the window as I gnawed on the cold biscuit. My mind wandered to the the dead calf. I knew the feral pigs population was growing fast, I had to get rid of them. I worried the boys might get over confident and get hurt. I snapped back to reality when I heard the boys laughing and running down the stairs.
The boys grabbed their guns and came to the kitchen. I finished my soda and tossed it in the trash. The boys were itchin to go, they laid their rifles down on the table, each scarfing down the biscuits and honey. I smiled and shook my head. “Put them shotguns up and get your rifles, these pigs are dangerous. we got to be on our toes. In less than five minutes the boys finished the plate of biscuits and got their rifles. They headed out to saddle their horses and go round up the heifers.
It took them about fifteen minutes to reach the pine thicket by the big catfish tank. I figured they would hunker down here to get out of the heat. I climbed down, and slapped the horse hard on the ass so it would return home. I turned to the boys, “Last thing we need is a lame horse from them damn hogs. They watched as the horse ran away. The boys ventured off, I hollered “Be careful them pigs are crafty!” The boys didn’t even look back. I started looking around, hog tracks everywhere. They tore up the banks of the tank, the bark from some of the pines was rubbed off with fur still stuck to em.
There was also several holes in the thicket. The pigs could be anywhere. I bent down trying to see in thicket. Nothing, not even a sound. I continued walking. Twenty minutes later I heard them, it sounded as if they were settling down for a good days sleep.
I poked my head through the thicket trying to find their exact location When I heard the loudest squeal and felt a pain in my left thigh. A hog damn near a hundred pounds had hit me slicing my leg opened. The pig ran towards the tank. I scrambled to my feet, adrenaline pumping as I tried to get the bitch in my sights. When I was over run by three or four little pigs chasing their mother. The gun fired, as I lost my balance I fell hitting my head on a rock.
I sat up rubbing the golf ball sized knot on the back of my head when I heard a familiar voice. I tried to shake the cobwebs from my mind. I turned towards the voice and saw him. My eye’s grew as big as saucers, my mouth fell open. “No way! It can’t be, you passed away damn near twenty years ago.” The man smiled grabbed my hand and helped me up. “It’s okay son, I know it’s been a long time. Come with me I need to have a talk with you.”
“But- no way- Dad- is that really you?”
“Yesm, It’s me, now come on you need to rest a spell. Look there and you might understand.” He pointed down to where he helped me up. It was my body, laid out on a bed of pine needles, mys leg had a huge gash in it and a pool of blood mixed with the pine needles. My rifle at my side. I looked at dad, “Did them damn hogs kill me?” Dad slapped me on the back and laughed, “No son, you just need a rest.”
I looked around and my body was gone. There were no kind of plants or trees, the tank was gone. My ranch now resembled a desert. The only thing I saw was a little house in serious disrepair. The hovel looked in need a new roof, and a good paint job for starters. The house was enclosed by a poorly kept fence. We stopped at the gate I thought the gate would fall off it’s hinges if I tried to open it. Dad reached down and swung it opened, “Go on boy, I know it don’t look like much, however, you’ll see it’s beauty when you leave.” I started to say something, nothing came out, I was speechless, my eyes narrowed I could feel the wrinkles on my forehead standing at attention.
I walked through the gate and opened the door to hear high pitch squeal of hinges that were in dire need of oil. I followed Dad in. The house only had one small room, the wallpaper was tattered and peeling away from the wall, the floral design was faded. The window was covered with an inch of dust, except for a clean circle in the middle. There were two rocking chairs facing each other with and old dusty blue and white cooler sitting by one.
Dad took his hat off swept the dust off one of the rocking chairs.
“Have a seat boy we need to have a talk.” I was still taking in the the house, not even looking at him. “Yes sir. was all I could manage to say” I sat down and stared at the figure that looked so much like dad.
“Go on boy spit it out, I know you have some questions.”
“Are you sure that damn hog didn’t kill me?” Chuckling and slapping his knee, “No son, I’m dead, you’re just hurt bad you’ll survive.”
“What! how is this possible?”
“Father nature, one of God’s sons has kept me here. Says I have unfinished business.”
“What, you been here the better part of twenty years?”
“That’s right son, you thirsty?” He bent over opening the cooler, it was full of ice and Lone Star beer, dads favorite.” He threw one to me, “Go ahead boy, It’s all I got.” I pulled the top watching the suds rush out on to the top of the can. “Son, I always told you I wanted you to grow up and be a better man than me.”
“Yes sir, I've tried my best.”
“I know you have son, I been watching, why you think that window has a clean spot? I can see y’all through it. Go on give it a look.” I stared at him, as I got up and walked to the window. I took my right arm and made circular motions making the circle bigger. I took my hat off and peered out the glass. I could see Austin and Justin putting their horses up, as they argued. Austin grabbed Justin and threw him to the ground, the fight was on. I turned, my eye’s wide in fright, “How is this possible!”
“Sins of the father.”
“What the hell you mean by that old man?”
“I taught you my way, in-turn, you’re teaching your boys the same way. You got two fine boy’s and a wife that’s damn near perfect. Listen, you got to teach them boy’s how to resolve problems without so much anger.”
“I thought I was pa.”
“Well, you’re teaching them our way. I’ve learned anger isn't the only way to settle things. Matter of fact it causes more problems. Look at today your anger brought you here. If’n you had settled down that hog wouldn't have hurt you. Think about it. I know you’re hard headed and don’t care for busy bodies. Just sip on that beer and think for a spell. I've had plenty of time to sort my problems out.
They sat there quiet, I still couldn’t believe what was happening. I took a pull off the cold beer and sat it next to me on the floor. I sat back and it was amazing. My whole adult life played in my mind like a movie.
Showing me the times my temper had gotten the best of me. Every times I cursed someone out, when I threw a tool in anger. Then the one I thought I had forgotten. I had been courtin’ Tina a short while. We went to a Honky tonk and was dancing, having a good time. I went to get us a drink and seen a old friend and started talking to him. The drinks came I paid for them and asked my old friend to join us.
As I turned I saw a man sitting with Tina, He was holding her hand and kissed her on the cheek. My blood began to boil. I handed the drinks to my friend and waded through the crowd. Without any question I tapped the stranger on the shoulder, as he turned I began pummeling him.
Tina got up screaming, “Stop… Phillip, Siop! He’s my cousin!” I looked at her. She continued, “How could you, I can’t believe you didn’t trust me.!” She bent down to help her cousin up and left in a huff. She wouldn't talk to me for a week.
Then the memories stopped right before the hogs got me. I couldn’t believe the memories of me killing the three soldiers didn’t play out. I shook my head again thinking I was dreaming. There sat dad with a beer in his hand smiling at me, with two empty beer bottles at his feet. I wasn’t sure how long I had been reminiscing with himself, even though I did see what my father meant about changing for the sake of the boys. I picked up my beer which was now room temperature and took a long pull. then looked dad in the eye.
“Yes sir, thinking back I have created a lot of my problems. What should I do?”
“ First thing is stop blaming yourself for what happen in battle. You did what was asked, no more no less. Second, think how you like to be treated, then treat everyone as if they were you.”
“Yes sir I’ll give it my best shot. Now what happens?”
“Life for you, afterlife for me. Now give me a hug and get back to those youngn’s.” I stood, tears rolling down my face. Happy to hear dad’s words of wisdom and feel his embrace one last time.
I started for the door, looking back dad was smiling waving goodbye. I opened it and I couldn’t believe the sight it was beautiful. The flora covered everything. Even the dirt path was covered with blue bonnets and butter cups. Ivy and moss covered the exterior of the house it was amazing. The fence had beautiful tulips and roses blooming on each side. I turned back once again. Dad said, “See, you can make the world a better place.” and disappeared. I walked carefully down the path to the gate my mouth agape in awe of the beauty.
I opened the gate, my body was no longer there. I knelt, sobbing I knew my time had come. I wouldn't be able to keep my word. Then out of no where I heard them Austin, Justin and Tina. My eyes fluttered open, I tried to rub the sleep out of them. As I looked around, my eyes were out of focus. I looked up, it was them. I was lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by my family. They were all talking over each other, until they noticed I was awake, smiling and shaking my head. They all smiled and stared at me, I looked in the corner, my father’s spirit stood there with the biggest shit eating grin he tipped his hat and disappeared.