Going Home

A cowboy sat in the corner adjacent to the door of the dim bar, his emerald eyes scanning each body that entered. Glancing down at his watch, he sighed and swallowed the last of his beer. He signaled for another and kept his eye on the door. Would she show or leave him in the dust once again? Randy grimaced mockingly as that thought ran through his mind.

Ashley batted down the urge to turn and run the other way as she thought about the man she had known as a boy. He had been beautiful at seventeen when she had last seen him and she was certain he was now gorgeous. She thought about the message he'd left for her at work. He'd said he had a business proposition for her and would she meet him at the Rose Tavern at six o'clock. What did he want with her after all these years? The last time they'd seen each other, they'd argued about her moving to New York. Now, ten years later, he had looked her up. The one man she couldn't forget and now he was here. Shaking her head at the fates she ruefully grinned. She tugged at the hem of her grey blouse, made sure she looked professional, squared her shoulders and entered the bar.

Automatically she felt his gaze on her as her eyes adjusted to the dimness of the bar. Her gaze fell on the lone cowboy. He was dressed in a black Stetson with a leather trench coat over a chambray shirt and blue jeans. Black cowboy boots finished the ensemble and she mentally laughed. He'd never change. That outfit was as much a part of him as wide open spaces. He wouldn't look right in anything else. Emerald eyes met azure and something primal shot through her. She started towards him as he unfolded his long length gracefully. Ashley noticed his shoulders were broader now and he had filled up just as she'd feared. Her gaze slid down his body and could feel the virile strength that exuded from him. He was taller now, at least six inches above her five nine, the epitome of tall dark and handsome.

"Good to see you again Ash." He told her, bending over to brush his lips against her cheek. And it was, he thought. He had been appraising her, as he knew she had him. In the chic business suit, her figure was elusive but he knew from the fit that she was still as exquisite as ever, if not more so. Her black hair fell in waves like silk down her back, her blue eyes sparkled from a lightly sun kissed face and that dimple had thrown him for a moment. He'd forgotten about that dimple.

"It's nice to see you too Randy. You're message intrigued me a bit." Her curiosity made her less subtle than usual.

"As I thought it might, but first, what would you like to drink?" he asked as the server brought over his beer.

"Umm a sweet tea please?" she told the lady before asking Randy, "How many of those have you had?" Her brow wrinkled at his slow grin.

"Only one. I'm in no danger of being drunk. Why? Are you worried?" he asked jokingly, the timbre of his voice holding a smidgeon of laughter.

"Just wondering. I'm not a huge fan of beer." she reminded him.

He closed his eyes and saw a younger version of her preaching to him about the dangers of alcohol. She'd always been the teetotaler at parties. "Um I remember that very well. You never did drink when we were kids." He opened his eyes and met her perceptive ones, "Don't worry, I hardly ever drink anymore. The last time I did was six or seven months ago. I needed to relax this evening though." He shrugged and realized that he'd shown just how nervous he really was. Damn, he was supposed to play it cool.

"So you've grown up the last few years. Nice. So what's got you stressed tonight? This so-called business proposition? Or something else?" An expressive eyebrow rose with her questioning, the smallest of grins playing on her luscious lips. Her head cocked sideways as if expecting an answer. Randy thought for a moment and realized the answer surprised him more than he would've thought.

"I was nervous of seeing you again," he began and held up a finger to silence her as he continued. "That's to begin with. I haven't seen you since the night we argued. I know you've become an extremely successful journalist but lately your assignments have gotten to you." Ashley tried to interrupt but he continued on as though he didn't hear her. "I've come up here to offer you a deal which you will most likely turn down, but you're the best so I have to try, you know?" He ended his little speech with a drink of beer and looked at her again.

"How do you know my assignments are getting to me?" a furrowed brow proving her consternation.

"Your articles have become darker as though you, yourself, are losing hope. Remember little one, even in Texas, we do read." he shook his head slightly, "I've read everything you've written and there's definitely a darker side to you now."

"Well, lately, I've been assigned to the more troublesome aspects of human nature," she shrugged it off as though it didn't bother her. "So of course they're going to become darker."

"Really? How long has it been since you took time to evaluate yourself or your writing? When was the last time you took a vacation?" He knew when it was that she'd started pushing herself. She'd been on assignment in the Middle East and had been doing a story on a small village when rebels suddenly attacked. From the spot a village elder had told her to hide, she watched as the whole village was slaughtered. Of course, he wasn't supposed to know this, and wouldn't have if her mother hadn't come to him. Randy watched as she tried to answer his questions.

"You're hiding Ash. Hiding from yourself behind your job. You know you have to deal with it before it eats you alive." His hands covered hers. Taking a deep breathe, he continued, "Come home for a while. The newspaper needs an editor and you need a break away from all of this."

Ashley looked at the hands that were gently covering hers. Going home would mean dealing with him. It also meant she would have to deal with the nightmares she tried to bury. "And if I come home? How's that going to heal me Randy? I'm not going to forget what I saw." She tried to pull her hands away but he held them firmly.

"No, you won't forget, but you could talk to someone. Hell, you could try talking to me."

She looked away not knowing how to respond. She couldn't really argue her way out of this one. Randy watched the conflicting emotions in her eyes and sighed.

He laid his palm against her cheek and forced her to look at him, "Just come home and take the job. Let your Mom fuss over you for a while. You haven't been back in ten years." He swallowed some of what he wanted to say, knowing she wouldn't appreciate his wanting to take care of her.

Ashley took a deep breath and made up her mind. "Fine, I'll come. I've got to give notice, so it'll be about a month before I can leave." She pushed her hair back from her face and missed the look of triumph that flashed through his eyes.

He leaned over and gave her a quick chaste kiss on the lips. Her look of surprise turned into a glare that he just grinned about. "Okay, now that that's settled, how bout dinner?"

****************



Standing outside the old house, Ashley could not help but smile. It almost seemed that time had stood still since she'd left. It still had the freshly painted look, the yard that was more flowers than grass, and the little picket fence her father had put up thirty years before still looked new. She knew if she looked out back there would be the old tire swing, most likely with a new tire in it for the neighborhood kids.

It was scary to come back home, she still wasn't sure that this was such a great idea. Suddenly, the front door opened, and Elizabeth, her mother, stepped outside with a welcoming smile. Her white hair and laugh lines complimented her countenance so gently. The years had been good to her, she wasn't as thin as she had been in the past but she wasn't overly plump either. She held out her arms to welcome her daughter home.

Ashley walked up the steps and hugged her mother. "Hi Mom. I've missed you so much." They stood there for a few moments just holding onto each other, both needing the comfort of the other.

"Now look here you, get inside and put your things away. You haven't been gone so long you don't know where your room is." Elizabeth grumbled sweetly, reaching up to give her a kiss on the cheek. "You've gotten taller since you left. Off with you, I'll have dinner on the table soon. Make sure you look nice, we have company coming." With those words, Ashley was ushered into the house and up the stairs.

Entering her old bedroom was like walking through a time warp. The room hadn't changed since she had left that night long ago to pursue her dreams of writing. As she put her luggage away, she wondered just who this company was that her mother had mentioned. Deciding to do as told, she headed towards the shower.

Ashley heard muffled voices as she made her way downstairs. She knew the deep timbre of that voice before even coming close to the bottom of the stairs.

"Evening Ash." Randy quietly said as he moved towards her. "I wasn't sure you remembered how to wear blue jean anything." His laughing eyes dared her to get mad over his words. Leaning forward he buzzed a kiss across her cheek as he added in a whisper, "It's really good to see you in those tight jeans. Makes a guy think of hot nights." He jumped back before she could smack him and laughed out loud.

"Cowboy, I will make you pay for that." She promised with a glare that hid her own laughter.

"Pay for what?" Elizabeth asked innocently. "Oh, never mind. Why don't you two go out and visit on the porch while I finish dinner?" she continued when neither answered her question.

"Yes, Mrs. Beth. I'm sure I can think of a few things to speak with this one about." A secret look passed between Ashley's mom and Randy. While she was mulling that over Randy pulled her out the back door and to the porch swing. "Your house will never change," He chuckled as he sat beside her, a long arm draped over the back of the swing.

"I thought the same when I got here. So what's with that look between you and my mother?" It was unsettling to sit here again the same way they had so many times in the past.

"What look?" he mused as he thought of the old times himself. "Do you remember...?"

"Randy of course I remember, I'm not old and senile yet you know." She looked over at him while saying that with a small smile. "Our shared memories out here are some I've never tried to forget. Especially in times that I've been scared to death." A shadow flickered over her face as she thought of those times.

Randy closed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her up against him. "Can't you tell me about it? We've been friends since we were three years old. It's been a while but I'm still the same guy that you used to confide in." He said quietly against her hair. It hurt him just thinking of her in dangerous situations, knowing that he had no right to object did not make it easier for him. "Come on Ash, tell me. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything like that but it might help if you talk about it."

Ashley sat there in his arms thinking about what she had gone through and was not sure she could tell him all of it without breaking down. "I don't know if I can. Sometimes I dream of it all and wake up wondering what I could've done. I know realistically I couldn't have done anything but that doesn't always help."

Randy sat there, quietly holding her. He knew that only so much could be said out here on a porch swing with her mother inside the house. "After dinner why don't you come to my place?"

She pulled back and looked at him incredulously, "Do what? Why would I do that?"

Laughter answered her remark and she sat back watching him. It took her by surprise how nice it felt to hear it. "Only to talk, there's no hidden agenda. You can come back here afterwards if you want. I just don't think this is the place for such deep thoughts."

"You're right on that. I don't want mom to know about all of this, she barely even knows the back story to what happened. And whatever she told you isn't close to what really happened. So if you want to hear it, I'll tell you if I can. Don't blame me if you can't sleep afterwards." Her humph of attitude only made him chuckle again.

He bent down and kissed her lips briefly, "Baby girl, you should know I don't scare that dam easy. Now, your mamas on her way out here so sit up and stop being such a hussy." That comment elicited a hit to his gut and a cheeky grin.

*****

The ranch did not seem to have changed much, when she remarked upon it, Randy merely responded that it only seemed that way. The old ranch house still stood between two beautiful old weeping willows that were native to the area. In the dim light she could see the silhouettes of the ranch hands moving about their business. It had always amazed her how people seemed to think these people worked just like all the 9-5'ers in the city.

"Maria's off tonight so no one's in the house," he remarked as he opened the front door. "Hope that doesn't make you too nervous of me." Taking her hand, he led her through the hallway to his office and shut the door. "Something to drink? Coffee? Bourbon, brandy, beer?"

"Today's episode is brought to you by the letter B." She threw out before she realized what she had said. Grinning she just shrugged her shoulders and answered, "I guess a brandy will be fine, for once. Maybe it'll help."

He ignored the sarcasm that was so much a part of her and turned towards the side bar. Taking out a glass, he poured her a small amount and a beer for himself, and then went to the couch in the room. "Come and sit," he patted the area next to him. "You need to relax."

Ashley gave a halfhearted smile and sat next to him, accepting the glass of brandy. "Okay Dr. Randy, I'm all yours."

"It seems like you need to talk about it and I want to be here for you." Timing was everything; he knew if he just sat there with her she would eventually start talking.

Unwillingly, Ashley let her mind wander back to her last assignment overseas. She remembered the dreadful heat, the endless sand, the beige cities but most of all she remembered the faces. Some were old and battered; others were young and fresh, but they were always smiling and willing to help out a stranger. They had welcomed the group of journalists with open arms. They had fed them, sheltered them, and told them so many wonderful stories of the desert.

"We were getting ready to leave that morning. I was talking to one of the elders when we heard noises in the distance approaching at a rapid pace. I could tell it was bad news when I looked at the villagers' faces while they were scurrying all of us away to different locations. There had been rumors of a military movement and fearing this, the elder pulled me to an area between a couple of buildings. We were leaving because of the rumors. We didn't want these people to be hurt because of us."

Wiping a tear that was starting to form away, Ashley continued with the tale. "Khalil, the elder, opened a door that I hadn't seen and pushed me inside, telling me not to leave until the men were gone. You could see out to the middle of the village from where I was through a small crack in the wall and I watched as trucks of men all armed with guns pulled up. They started demanding that the outsiders be given to them immediately. I realized then that the villagers had hidden all of us and was even more impressed with them. These people were so selfless that it made me ashamed of hiding. They told the gunmen that we had left because our presence was putting them in danger."

She paused in the story and finished off her brandy. At some point Randy had pulled her into his arms. He did not say a word, merely took the glass and placed it on the end table.

Taking a breath to steady herself, she forged ahead, "They didn't believe the villagers. Some of them grabbed a few of the older ones and held their guns on them. Their leader yelled for us to come up or they would be killed. Johnson, one of our group, came out into the courtyard with his hands in the air. He thought he was going to save them. We were naive. We wanted to believe that the gunmen wouldn't shoot. The villagers though, were frantic. They knew better than we did. Three more of the group came out and when asked if this was all of us they said yes. The gunmen started shooting everyone they saw. The old men and women tried to shelter the children but it did no good. The bullets tore through their bodies and into the children. There was so much blood. I don't know how I kept quiet. I'm not really sure I did. I watched as two kids, a boy and a girl, ran away trying to hide. Two of the gunmen ran after them and I watched as they were raped, the men laughing as they tore the bodies apart with their knives afterwards. They were just babies, maybe thirteen or fourteen." Her voice broke as the tears fell. Her body trembled with the force of her sobs.

A few minutes passed before she could progress. "After they were done defiling and mutilating the bodies for their own pleasure, they piled the bodies all together and set fire to them. They laughed while watching the fire. They stood around and drank, telling each other about how great they were, how they were all so brave and strong. I never moved the entire time. I never thought I would be so scared that I couldn't do anything. All that day and night, I sat there. Just watching and praying they wouldn't find me. They left the next day and I waited even longer to see if they would be coming back. Finally I left out of my hiding spot and went searching for any of our belongings they might not have seen. All of us had Sat phones issued to us by our papers so I hoped to be able to find at least one. I found out that there were two other survivors, Mark and Sheila. After an hour or so, we finally found a few of our things and moved away from the interior of the village. We used the one phone that Sheila had on her when she was rushed to her hiding spot. We made the calls needed and hid until help came to get us out of there." Again Ashley dashed at her eyes trying to stop the storm of tears.

Randy held her tightly against his chest, one hand rubbing her back. "Baby Girl, I'm not going to pretend to know how you should deal with the memories but I'm right here. Cry on me if you want. I'm not going to melt if you do." She laughed through her tears. They sat like that for quite a while.

Ashley's tears finally subsided as she drifted into a much-needed deep sleep. Randy moved around until they were both as comfortable as possible. He now knew what had happened and couldn't stop the drops that flowed from his eyes at the thought of all she'd seen. He tightened his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, thanking God she had come back safely. Now he would do all he could to keep her with him. He smiled, thinking of the ring he had bought so many years ago for this woman. He knew it was going to be a hard fight to keep her but that didn't matter to him, as long as in the end he caught her.