Unending Questions

Have you ever known something was true and didn’t know how to prove it? Have you ever wanted to do something so desperately, but didn’t know how?

My uncle was a great man; he raised me from the age of six, when my parents died, until he passed last year on my seventeenth birthday. It wasn’t anything too dramatic or unexpected, he had been sick for a long time. I remember walking into the living room that night the moonlight glinting off of his glasses as he sat motionless in his favorite chair. This was nearly a nightly occurrence at our house. I would grab his shoulder softly and his eyes would slowly open. He always had that same warm smile and said, “That time again huh.” No matter how many times this happened I could do nothing but smile and nod back. That is how we were, he took care of me and I took care of him. We only had each other after all. That night his eyes didn’t open.

After driving back from the funeral I remember going through the house cleaning and packing his things. I found an old picture of our kitchen from when I was ten. Back then the world still made sense.

When I was thirteen I caught my uncle “remodeling” the kitchen in the middle of the night. He stood like a pillar firm in the center of a hurricane, dishes and cabinets swirling in the air and reorganizing themselves neatly in other configurations. He checked over his work quickly and shuffled away to his room.

The next morning I ran to my bedroom door and stopped. I was afraid. What if I opened the door and nothing had changed? What if it was all a dream? What if it was changed? I don’t know which possibility scared me more. As I slid the door open I looked down the short hallway the same as the night before. It wasn’t a dream, it was all real.

My uncle woke up around two in the afternoon and he slowly shuffled into the kitchen. I heard him getting up and began to cook him some lunch. “mmh. That smells wonderful. Is that the hickory bacon?”

“Yeah, I figured we could celebrate the new kitchen.” I said with a sidelong glance at him.

“Oh. Yeah. How do you like it? I had some friends come over last night and give me a hand. We didn’t wake you did we?” His tone was cautious but firm. I stiffened up, I didn’t know what to do, he had never lied to me before.

“No”

He ate in silence as I cleaned the dishes. “Sam, put down the dishes and come sit with me. We need to talk.” It sounded like a request, but I knew it wasn’t. I slowly dried my hands and sat down across from him at the table.

He just sat there as if waiting for something. The silence was painful; it felt like an elephant was pressing down on me. Slowly I sunk into my seat. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes anymore. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t need to. I saw, and he knew it. What made things worse was I knew it.

“That was delicious, thank you for the meal. Why don’t we go for a walk in the woods out back?” The smile on his face was so warm, I felt like I was being granted a death row pardon at the last second.

After walking a while in the woods he stopped and picked up some dirt and crumbled it in his hands. He tossed it into the air and it hung there. Meticulously he raised his right hand and the pond to my left began to swirl. Slowly a tendril of water snaked its way to us. As the dirt and water mixed in the air, the conglomeration began to shrink and a tiny golem and dropped to the earth. It walked around and began picking up sticks and carrying them home.

“This little helper is named Raeygolith, I call him Ray, he helps me in the gardens and around the yards. He is quite handy.” He began to follow Ray and pick up bigger logs and sticks that the little guy couldn’t handle. “I know you must be confused Sam, but there are only a few things I can tell you right now. First, and foremost I am a mage. Possibly the last, I am not sure. Second, yes you can learn how to do this. Lastly, I will not teach you, at least not now. You are too young, and you need to lead a normal life.” He could see in my eyes that I wanted to argue and haggle, but he just nodded and put his hand on my shoulder. “Tonight you, Ray, and I will have a little fire in the back yard, and you can play with him and we will have fun. Starting tomorrow I will never slip up again, you will not see me use magic again. If you simply pretend this never happened and just live your life when you are eighteen I will teach you everything I know.” At this he stopped and looked directly into my eyes. I knew what he was waiting for, and I gave it to him.

“I promise, I will not pry and I will not try to figure it out by myself.” I knew this was important to him; I couldn’t even try to fight it. “So you promise then? In just five years you will teach me? I can do it?”

“Yes, I promise.”

That was only six years ago now. I have searched through our house, read every book, seen every movie, and caught every pop culture reference but real magic still eludes me. I am sure one day I will find the answer, but for right now the journey keeps me close to him.