Mrs Mum

Scene 1: Lounge Room


Mrs Mum: [sings while vacuuming]

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD
JUST TO PASS THE TIME AWAY
CAN'T YOU HEAR...
[gets interrupted]


Dad: [walks into the room and yells to Mrs Mum] Catherin!


Mrs Mum: [stops vacuuming, sighs and turns to dad]


Dad: Where's my dinner!


Mrs Mum: You can wait, I have been busting my hump to get this place clean. Besides, you just had lunch


Dad: I don't care, start cooking


Mrs Mum: Make it yourself for once. OK, I have to clean the house, I have to do the washing, I have to help the kids get ready for school, I have to take the kids to sport and music their lessons, I have to go to work, I have to do the shopping and I have to take out the garbage. It's time for you to start doing things for yourself, Aunica and Vikki help out around the house and can do things for themselves.


Dad: Get cooking or I will burn the family albums.


Mrs Mum: You wouldn't dare


Dad: [pulls out a photo and a lighter, holds the lighter up to the flame


Mrs Mum: [sighs, puts vacuum against the wall and walks into the kitchen]

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Scene 2: Kitchen


Dad: While you are doing that, I'm going out [grabs keys and walks out the front door]


Aunica: [walks into the kitchen] Mum, what are you doing?


Vikki: [walks as Aunica says "what are you doing"] And where's Dad going?


Mrs Mum: Your father is went out, probably going to Sam's Tavern and as for me I am stuck cooking dinner for that lazy father of yours. One of these days I will get back at him.


Christopher: [walks into the kitchen, goes over to the cookie jar and tries to open the jar. After he tries he holds it out to Mrs Mum]


Aunica: [takes the jar and opens it]


Christopher: [takes the cookie jar off Aunica]


Aunica: I don't get why he wants you to get dinner when we just had lunch?


Mrs Mum: Your father is a pig. He practically rolls around in his filth on his side of the bed [looks out the window] it's a beautiful day outside, why don't you go and play. You've only got four and a half weeks left until you have to go back to school.


Aunica, Vikki and Christopher: [shrugs their shoulders and walks outside]


Mrs Mum: Why Carl couldn't go out there and work on the kids' tree house I don't know.

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Scene 3: Sam's Tavern


Dad: [says drunk] You know Sam, no matter how much you try to change this bar, it never works because you are an ugly man. But hey, you are a great friend. [punches Sam in the arm and laughs]


Brett: How's about another beer Sam. [holds mug out at Sam]


Sam: [pours a beer and hands it to Brett] Why aren't you at home anyway Carl. I mean you have a hot wife, a fancy three story house and three beautiful children.


Brett:[take beer]


Dad: [signs, looks at the bar angrily and mumbles] Catherine's mad at me [looks up at Sam] and besides, I can't take the sound of Aunica's violin and Vikki's trombone. I don't know why I ever bought then those instruments.


Kurt: I think you said that it was because Catherine pointed out that they were always depressed or something. Plus before you got them their instruments, their test scores were down but afterwards they won three competitions and you had the money to get an air conditioner.


Dad: Yeah, yeah, another beer Sam. Either way, I still have to put up with three kids for another four and a half weeks. Why did they have to make the holidays so long.


Kenny: Because the teachers and students need a break.


Dad: Hay, remember when we were ten and we replaced the teacher's cigarettes with fire crackers. Man those days were a blast.


Brett: Oh, and remember when we were twelve and we replaced the teacher's coffee with jinn.


Kurt: Man he never stopped dancing like a fairy and writing strange things up on the board.


Dad, Sam, Kenny, Brett and Kurt: [start laughing


Sam: [pours a beer and give it to Dad] You know, the more beer you drink, the more you have to pay.


Dad: I will do what I usually do, pay $100 a week off my tab.


Sam: Well at the moment you owe me [looks at Dad's tab] $2350 plus the 6 that you just had is $2500.


Dad: [quickly stands up and slams the bar with both hands] WHAT!! [sits back down] how can it be that high.


Brett: Hey, mine is a lot higher than yours. Mine is uumm, ummm. What's my tab Sam.


Sam: Let's see, $5000 plus the eight that you just had is $5200.


Brett: See.


Sam: You two should be like Kurt and Kenny, they pay upfront and they don't keep asking for refills.


Dad: I would be able to pay upfront if my kids didn't need it for their futures and my wife's hair cuts. Not to mention all the clothes and gas, and now Christopher needs a bigger bed and Aunica and Vikki need more school equipment for when school starts up again. [takes a drink]





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Scene 4: Lounge room


Mrs Mum: [sings while cleaning the table] When the working day is done, oh girls just wanna ha...


Dad: I'm home! [kisses Mrs Mum] I hope you don't mind that I brought Sam, Kurt, Kenny and Brett.


Mrs Mum: [rolls her eyes] No, of course not, you three sit down and watch the match. Carl, come in and help me in the kitchen.


Dad: [says angrily] why do they get to sit down and watch the match while I have to help you in the kitchen.


Mrs Mum: [pulls dad away] This is exactly what I was talking about earlier, you never help around the house whether it is a week day, weekend, party, holiday or celebrations. What would you do if I became a quadriplegic?


Dad: I will still make you do all the world.


Mrs Mum: Do you even know what a quadriplegic is?


Dad: [says sadly] No


Mrs Mum: A quadriplegic is someone who is paralysed from the neck down [mumbles] you idiot.


Dad: I would still make you do it anyway. [walks into the lounge room and sits on the lounge with his friends]


Mrs Mum: [groans and walks into the kitchen]

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Scene 5: Kitchen


Aunica and Vikki: [walks into the kitchen]


Aunica: Is dad back mum?


Mrs Mum: Yes, with his beer drinking buddies. Aunica, can you put the plates on the table and Vikki, can you set out the utensils

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Scene 6: Dinning room


Aunica and Vikki: [place the plates and utensils]


Vikki: [Yells out to dad] Dad, dinner's ready!


Dad, Sam, Kenny, Kurt and Brett: [walks into the dinning room and sits down]


Aunica and Vikki: [walks back into the kitchen]


Christopher: [walks into the dining room and sits down]


Vikki: [brings out potatoes and carrots and sits down]


Aunica: [brings out peas and beans and sits down]


Mrs Mum: [brings out the chicken, cups and drinks and sits down]


Brett: Hey pass me the chicken.


Vikki: [Passes Brett the chicken]


Mrs Mum: So, how far are in the song that you are composing Aunica


Aunica: I've just finished it, should I get my violin and play it for yous.


Mrs Mum: After dinner Aunica.


Dad: Can't it wait until after Sam, Kurt, Kenny and Brett leave?


Kenny: Let's not upset the pour girl.


Kurt: Yeah, [says to Aunica] we won't leave until you play your song.


Dad: [mumbles] I wish I didn't have to hear that stupid violin.


Christopher: I don't like beans


Sam: [says to Christopher] I don't like them either little guy


Mrs Mum: If you eat your beans, you will be big and strong like Superman


Christopher: I want ice-cream


Mrs Mum: If you are good and eat your beans you will have some ice-cream


Dad: Stuff the beans Catherin, he's only got a bean left.


Christopher: [eats bean] done!


Everyone else: [finishes dinner]


Mrs Mum: [Goes into the kitchen and gets a bowl of ice-cream for Christopher]


Aunica: [runs upstairs and gets her violin]


Everyone else: [goes into the lounge room]

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Scene 7: Lounge room


Aunica: [runs down stairs with her violin]


Everyone else: [sits down on the lounge]


Aunica: [stands in front of the lounge] I call this song love your family and friends [plays her song]


Everyone else: [stands up and claps]


Sam: [says to Aunica] It must have taken you weeks to make something this beautiful


Aunica: Nope, two days


Mrs Mum: And it is all because of your father.


Kenny: [looks at Vikki] Do you have anything to play Vikki?


Vikki: Well, I do have a couple of songs that I just learnt on the trombone.


Sam: Well run up and get your trombone and play it for us


Dad: [mumbles] great, now I have to listen to the trombone


Vikki: [runs upstairs and gets her trombone, stand and sheet music]


Aunica: [follows Vikki, puts her violin away and brings down Vikki's sheet music stand]


Vikki: [comes down stairs with her trombone case and her sheet music]


Aunica: [puts the stand down and sits on the lounge]


Vikki: [places the sheet music on the stand and takes out her trombone] This song is called 'Danny Boy'


Kenny: Oooooo, an Irish song.


Vikki: [plays the song]


Everyone else: [stands up and claps]


Vikki: Christopher, Aunica and I can play a song for yous


Dad: [groans]


Christopher and Aunica: [grab their instruments and setted up their mini stage]


Aunica: This song is the classic song 'If your happy and you know it, clap your hands'


Christopher, Aunica and Vikki: [plays the song]


Everyone else: [stands up and claps]


Kurt: Well, it's getting late, I guess we should be heading home and give yous some family time.


Kurt, Kenny, Brett and Sam: [walk out the door]


Aunica, Vikki and Christopher: [puts their things away]


Mrs Mum: [Pulls Dad away] So this is why you wanted to cook earlier, just so you could bring home your beer drinking buddies.


Dad: [points out] Kurt and Kenny are also co-workers.


Mrs Mum: What ever, the point is you never consult about anything.


Dad: I consult you about things.


Mrs Mum: You only consult me about when you are hungry or if you are going to Sam's.


Dad: I also consult you when uuummm [tries to think of an answer] I've got nothing


Mrs Mum: [smiles and walks into the kitchen to do the dishes]

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Scene 8: Kitchen


Mrs Mum: [does the dishes] When will he ever help me with the dishes, when will he consult me about things, when will he listen to what I say, when will he stop coming up with stupid excuses, when will he give me a break from house cleaning [sighs] everyday that goes on, our marriage gets harder and harder.


Vikki: [walks in and helps with the dishes] Mum, why did Dad say great now I have to listen to the trombone?


Mrs Mum: He just doesn't like to listen to the violin and then the trombone.


Mrs Mum and Aunica: [finishes the kitchen and walks back into the lounge room]

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Scene 7: Lounge room


Dad: [flicks the channels]


Vikki: [sit on the floor]


Dad: There's nothing good on T.V.


Mrs Mum: I've got an idea, lets play scrabble. It doesn't hurt anyone to expand their knowledge. [takes Scrabble out of the closet]


Everyone else: [sits around the coffee table]


Mrs Mum: [sets up the board]


Everyone except for Christopher: [picks out their letters]


Aunica: I'll go first [looks at the board and her letters a couple of times. Puts out the letters r, e, t, and s] r-e-s-t. [takes out four more letters]


Vikki: [looks at her letters and what was on the board. Puts out the letters c, e and a] c-a-r-e


Dad: This game is stupid.


Mrs Mum: just go already.


Dad: [signs, looks at his letters and looks at the words that are already on the board. Realises that he hasn't got anything, picks up the board and yells at the board while hitting it up against the doorway.] Why do you give me useless letters, you, stupid, game.


Mrs Mum: [Looks at the time] Time for bed kids.


Christopher, Aunica and Vikki: Awe.


Mrs Mum: Come on, off to bed.


Aunica, Christopher and Vikki: [walks up stairs]


Mrs Mum: [follows them]

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Scene 8: Christopher's room


Christopher: [walks in and jumps in bed]


Mrs Mum: [walks in, tucks Christopher in and starts singing to him]

PARDON ME BOY,---IS THAT THE CHATTANOOGA CHOO CHOO
TRACK TWENTY-NINE, ---BOY CAN YOU GIVE ME A SHINE?
I CAN AFFORD---TO BOARD A CHATTANOOGA CHOO CHOO
I'VE GOT MY FARE ---AND JUST A TRIFLE TO SPARE

YOU LEAVE THE PENNSYLVANIA STATION AT A QUATER TO FOUR
READ A MAGAZINE AND THEN YOU'RE IN BALTIMORE
DINNER IN THE DINER
NOTHING COULD BE FINER
THAN TO HAVE YOUR HAM AND EGGS IN CAROLINA
WHEN YOU HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOWIN' EIGHT TO THE BAR
THEN YOU KNOW THAT TENNESSEE IS NOT VERY FAR
SHOVEL ALL THE COAL IN
GOTTA KEEP IT ROLLIN'

Mrs Mum and Christopher: WOO, WOO, CHATTANOOGA THERE YOU ARE


Mrs Mum: CHHH, CHHH, CHHH, CHHH [repeat seven more times]


Christopher: WOO WOO [says after every four CHHH]


Mrs Mum: THERE'S GOING TO BE--- A CERTAIN PARTY AT THE STATION
DRESSED IN SATIN AND LACE____
I USED TO CALL FUNNY FACE____
SHE'S GONNA CRY____ UNTIL I TELL HER THAT I'LL NEVER ROAM________
SO CHATTANOOGA CHOO CHOO, WON'T YOU CHOO CHOO ME HOME______
SO CHATTANOOGA CHOO CHOO, WON'T YOU CHOO CHOO ME HOME______


Mrs Mum and Christopher: SSSSSSSSSSSS


Mrs Mum: [kisses Christopher's head] good night Chris


Christopher: Night Mummy [goes to sleep]


Mrs Mum: [walks out of the room]

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Scene 9: Vikki's room


Mrs Mum: [walks into the room and tucks Vikki in]


Vikki: Night Mum


Mrs Mum: Night Vikki [turns the light off, walks out and closes the door]

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Scene 10: Aunica's room


Mrs Mum: [walks in and tucks Aunica in]


Aunica: Night Mum


Mrs Mum: Night Auni [turns the light off, walks out and closes the door]

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Scene 11: Hallway


Mrs Mum: [sighs] time to do the washing up [walks back down stairs

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Scene 12: Kitchen


Mrs Mum: [walks into the kitchen, walks over to the sink and starts to do the washing up]


Dad: [walks in] When you're done with that, go sort the files in the study.