Grit

Tammi looked in the rear view mirror and could see the parade of Mini Vans lining up behind hers. She squinted her eyes and noticed the lines that seemed to not have been there before. Thirty dollars for eye cream and all she seemed to get were tired looking eyes. Just as she was about to hop aboard the self pity train, the back door slid open and the only thing in this world that really seemed to matter jumped in.

"Hi mom!" Chase said as he was trying to get his book bag unwrapped from around his ankle.

Tammi turned around looking at the thick, brown hair that feel over his face.
"Hey Pork Chop." she said helping him escape the tangled up bag.

Tammi turned around and while her and Chase were buckling up she said

"Shall we go through the usual?"

"Yup" he said

"How was your day at school?"

"It was fiine." he said softly

Tammi's eyes squinted. She knew this boy in and out.

"What happened?"

"Nothing.."

"Chase Michael I know you. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way but you know that eventually I'm going to find out. Now spill it."

Chase looked out the window, staring not outside, but at his reflection. How does she do that. How does she always seem to know when I'm upset or when something has happeded.

"Chase?"

"Alright. I got sent to the Principal's office today." he said softly.

Tammi continued to shift her gaze from the road to him in her mirror.

"Why?"

Chase looked down at his hands and hated every part of this confession. He wanted nothing more than to make his mother happy, and he knew this was not going to make her happy. He was a good kid and he did his best to never muddy the waters. He could tell his mom was stressed. She never acted like it, but just like how she could sense his emotions, he's always been able to sense hers. He would notice the clenching of her jaw everytime his un-involved father spoke. How every Sunday night while she would be lying clothes out for wok she seemed to have a blank stare as if she was being forced to do something she really didn't want to do. But he also noticed the way her brown eyes lit up when he would walk into the room. Chase new that he was important to her. He knew that he was the little happiness she had.

"Chase? Why were you sent to the office?"

Refocusing his gaze back to his reflection in the window he began his confession.

" I called Aaron Diaz a fucking douche bag in the lunch line today. One of the teachers heard it."

Tammi gazed at him with suprise. She was for once glad for the construction that caused the bumper to bumper traffic. This gave her time to focus on the situation at hand.

"Why did you call him that?"

Chase suddenly lifted his head with tears in his eyes.

"The kid is a jerk mom! He's a bully and everyone's afraid of him! I..I..."

"Pork Chop take a deep breath. It's alright. Just calm down and tell me what happened."

"We were waiting in line and he started to make fun of one of the lunch ladies. He was calling her fat and stupid. Telling her that she was a loser becuase all she does is serve up crap to kids at lunch for a living. I kind of nudged him forward to get the line moving, and he turned around and asked me what I thought I was doing. I told him to just go and leave her alone. I don't know what happened mom. It was like this anger inside me just had to come out. He laughed and that's when I yelled at him to stop being a fucking douche bag."

Chase looked up to his mother trying to gage her reation. Her eyes softened and that gentle smile slowly began to grow on her face. It was the smile he knew so very well. It was the smile when he would get hurt or have a nightmare. It was the comfort smile. This was not the reaction he was expecting.

Tammi took a deep breath and with that release of air, she knew she had done good.

"Oh sweetheart that just means that you have found your grit."

Turning their van into the gated community she noticed the wrinkle in between his eyes. She knew he was expecting her to be upset. But to be honest she was happy with her son's confrontation. She was glad that she had raised her son to grow up to defend other people. That even though everyone else was afraid, he allowed his grit to do the talking. He was just going to have to learn to control it. Tammi knew a lot about grit. She had been harboring hers deep inside her for many years. Every time she was asked to be on another conference call she shoved it down. When her husband would ask about her day, but then refuse to look her in the eye when she would begin to tell him, she would swallow the grit back down. She knew as an adult your grit was something that would get you into trouble. Adults that still embraced their grit were renegades. They were the misfits of society. They weren't CEOs or country club members. The renegade is that guy in the unemployment line that once again lost his job for telling his boss to go fuck himself. It's the fourth divorced woman still looking for her Mr. Right and refuses to settle. Tammi was jelous of these people.

"What's grit mom?"

Pulling into the driveway and placing the van in park, Tammi turned around and handed Chase a tissue.

"Chase, do you know when that little boy Kenny that lived next door would come over and break your toys?"

"Yea I do." he said while rolling his eyes

"Okay well do you remember the time he broke your robot that Nana had gotten you that prior weekend, and you got so mad that you pushed him down and started to yell at him?"

"mm hm..."

Tammi got out of the car and slid open the side of the van. She bent over to be at level with Chase. She cupped his face with her hand and moved his hair away from his eyes with the other.

"That moment right before you pushed him was grit. It's the moment before you actually release your anger. Your grit Chase is what gives us the courage to do what's right. To defend ourselves. It's that little flame that someone, something, or even a situation can act like lighter fluid and ignite it into a fire. But Chase, you have to be careful with your grit. If you aren't careful it can burn down everything around you. Know when to embrace it and know when to let it out. okay?'

Chase looked at her like he actually understood her. They stared at eachother and there was an unspoken truth released that day in the driveway. Chase realized that it wasn't the stress that made her jaw clench. It wasn't so much that she hated her job that made the life lift from her eyes while she chose what to wear the next day. It was her grit, and her unwilliness to let it out.

"Say "yes mama""

Chase hugged her and whispered "yes mama" in her ear.

As Tammi reached to get her bags out,a sedan pulled in. And while the driver door opened, Chase noticed the tension in his mother's jaw.


"Hey there guys. How was your day?"the man said as he leaned in to routinely kiss Tammi on the cheek.

Chase noticed her breathing change and realized that she was pushing down her grit. Chase thought she looked pained to be doing so. Chase grabbed his dad's hand and tugged it twards the garage.

"Dad lets practice my shooting!" Chase screamed as passing the basketball to his father.

The man dropped his briefcase in order to catch the ball.

"Sure thing Bubba!"

Tammi looked at Chase and realized that he had picked up on her emotion. That Chase had understood that there was so much more in her head, soul, and heart that she wanted to say, but couldn't. Chase had saved her from that moment of resisting her grit. He knew that it was hard for her and that by allowing his mother to avoid the mundane conversation between her and her husband, he was giving her a few moments of peace. A few moments to just be who she was. A moment to just breath.