Clouds

The person I hate the most just has to be my new next door neighbor. I’ve known him my entire life, and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s no good. Sometimes when I’m lying in my bed he’ll tap on his window, signaling to me that I need to come over to my window. He doesn’t ever say anything nice to me, just insults me. I don’t really care; he’s not that important anyway. Everyone at school hates him because of the things he does. I don’t know why he insists on getting into trouble, but despite all good judgment, he’s in detention every other week. I don’t think it’s very good for him. We were close as kids, but then something happened. We don’t talk about it.
I’m sitting in my front yard outside with my guitar resting in my lap. I strum, feeling a little spacey. I feel someone sit down next to me, and I know it’s him. I don’t say anything, and I don’t stop playing. “Why do you insist on ignoring me?” He poked me in the side, making me jump.
After a long sigh, I set my guitar down beside me. “Why are you talking to me?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Ouch, harsh much? We’re neighbors Leyila; I think it’s normal that neighbors talk to each other. You know in the movies where they have block parties and loan money to each other?” Akita smiled at me, but I knew it was fake. He’s done this before, and it was only because he wanted something from me. But what?
I stood up and slung my guitar over my shoulder. “You better not ask me for any favors, Akita. You know I don’t do that.” I scowled at him, but he didn’t seem to register it. Instead, he was looking up at the clouds, like we used to when we were little. I hated that we did that together, that we were actually friends once. I didn’t ever talk about it to my friends, because they don’t ask.
“I’m not asking for anything. I’m glad that that’s the first conclusion you jump to. That you think so highly of me.” His dark brown hair hung down in his eyes a little, and he was a good three inches taller than me. He wasn’t bad looking, in fact I would think he was cute if he wasn’t such a tool. If I didn’t actually know him for who he was. “But anyway, it can be addressed at another time. Meet you at the window at 9.” He started to walk away.
“Hey! You can’t just leave me hanging like that! Get back here Akita!” I threw my hands up in the air. Who was he to do that to me? Who did he think he was? We were polar opposites, I already knew that. We grew apart; we were in totally different groups socially. I was on the volleyball team, and as far as I knew, he didn’t do anything. All he did was blast his grunge music, which I didn’t mind, but sometimes it did get a little loud.
I waited for the hours to slip away, and it was 8:58 faster than I would’ve anticipated. I was wearing a pair of shorts and a loose T-shirt that exposed my collarbone, something that I planned to go to bed in. But that wasn’t for at least another hour. Akita usually stayed up later than I did. His bedroom light often shines through my curtains, causing sleep to elude me. That’s how close our houses are. If I fell out of my window, the odds are I’d fall into his bedroom. Our rooms were on the second floor, so I’d rather that than splatting on the ground.
I was sitting at my desk trying to get homework done when I heard a rhythmic tap coming from outside. I didn’t look up for a second, and he tapped again. I groaned and opened my window. “What?” I asked.
He smiled and sat on his windowsill, arrogant as ever. “So how goes algebra homework?”
“What do you care? I thought you were in a different class.”
“Yeah. Calculus.” When he said that I dropped my pencil. Ho w is it that this guy ends up in a higher math class than the rest of us? I always thought of him as a person that didn’t care about education, because he got put in detention so much. He sounded pretty smart though, for what it was worth.
“How is it that you’re in calculus?” I squinted at the page.
Akita leaned a little more out the window, dangerously close to falling out. “Do you need any help with that? You’ve been staring at it for an awful long time.” I shrugged. He stood up on the windowsill and stretched his leg outward.
“What are you doing? You’re going to kill yourself!” Akita slipped a little, and I had to grab his arm as he made his way into my bedroom. Why was I even letting him come over here? It was absurd. I hated this guy, so what was the point? He pulled up a chair beside me, a little too close for comfort. I wished that I’d let his arm slip, and that he would’ve fallen two stories and onto the ground.
“Ok, didn’t kill myself. Now what you want to do is…” I listened carefully as he explained it to me. I watched his mouth as he spoke, and he tapped the pencil on the paper to make me pay attention. “Why are you looking at me like that? You like math when it’s explained to you? How dull.” He cringed.
“No it’s just….I was wondering why we don’t hang out as much as we used to.”
Akita nodded. “Well, it’s because you became a completely different person, and I didn’t think I needed to be a part of that. You’re just the popular girl; you have it all, Leyila. Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.” He scoffed and stood up. He paraded around my room in the same way he used to parade around the park, like he had it all, like he was the richest person on Earth. I turned in my chair and watched him.
“You don’t have to be mean about it, you know. You’re the one that ends up in trouble every week.”
“And you’re the one that gets everything she wants.” Akita sneered.
”Since when is that bad?” I asked.
“So you admit it then?” He asked quietly. “You have to earn things to succeed in life, Leyila. Realize that.” Akita came closer to me, but not enough to make me uncomfortable.
“What would you know about earning anything, huh? Everything you earn you throw away, like it doesn’t matter. Why do you get in so much trouble if you think earning things matters so much?” Something flashed behind his eyes for a second, but he wasn’t close enough for me to know what it was. Did he do that purposely? Or was he just messing with me like always?
“I know more than you do…” I wasn’t sure he’d said anything at first, because he was being so quiet. I sighed and stood up.
“Go away, Akita.” I said just as quietly as he did. Now I remembered why we didn’t hang out anymore. There was always this tension between us, and this hasn’t gotten any better over the years. One time I think we actually had a fist fight in my front yard when we were fifteen. I was going to be 17 in a month, and Akita was going to be 17 in two weeks. He frowned at me, like he knew what I was thinking about just by looking at me. Sometimes I thought that he could. He nodded and came towards me, leaning down until we were at eye level.
“Fine, I’ll go away. Remember though…our birthdays are coming up soon. When yours comes up I’m taking you somewhere, and you’re going to come willingly, ok?” Akita stood straight up and made his way towards the window.
“You can’t do that!”
“Oh yes, I can. If you don’t come, I’ll tell everyone about our past together. How you and I used to hang out and that we understand each other. I might say some other things too that I know about you, who knows? I might just…slip.” He slid his hand off the side of my desk for emphasis. There was this certain expression on his face, something like a sly grin. I wanted to punch him in the face.
“That’s blackmail.”
“You’re damn right. Now is that a yes, or do I have to tell everyone?” Akita sat on my windowsill with his back against the right side of the frame, his legs dangling outside. He knew that I couldn’t say no to that, because the last thing I wanted was to have everyone know that I used to hang out with the most hated guy in school.
I rubbed my temples, sighing in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go with you. Now get out of my room.” I pointed towards his house, and he nodded. Once he was back inside his room I slammed my window shut. The click of the lock made me feel better, just like the swish of my curtains as I closed them. My hands were clammy, just like they always were after I talked to Akita. I had no idea why he was making me go on a date with him, since he hated me. Or at least I think he hated me. I’d finished all my homework while I was talking to him, so there was nothing else for me to do at this hour. I stared at my window for several minutes, wondering if Akita was waiting for me to pull open the curtains again. I ignored the urge to take a look. I shouldn’t care, and I shouldn’t be curious.
I tossed and turned for hours. Why had I even agreed to that? Was my ego really that big? From his point of view, the answer to that question was probably yes. He was right, I did have everything I wanted, and from the outside, that made me look like a spoiled brat. That got me thinking about my character, and if I was as good of a person as I thought I was. Why was I letting him get in my head like this? I had far more things to worry about, not the boy next door. I thought about the fight we had when we were fifteen and suddenly, I wasn’t seeing my bedroom anymore.
“Why are you such a prick huh? Don’t you get it? I don’t like you Leyila!” Akita growled at me, an intense look in his eyes.
“Why are you still standing here then? Go away! Get off my lawn!” This was escalating very quickly. It started out as an argument about who had more, whether they earned it or not. He’d insisted that I got whatever I wanted and that I didn’t know what earning anything felt like. It was kind of the same thing we were talking about earlier in my room. Did that mean he was still hung up about it?
He came closer. “I. Hate. You.”
“Say that again, see what happens.” I crossed my arms.
“Ok,” Akita snickered arrogantly, “I hate you Leyila, and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.” I screamed and right hooked him in the face. He staggered away from me, but recovered quickly. “You just punched me!”
“Come here so I can do it again.” I was fuming, standing there with bloody knuckles. Why was he such a jerk?
“Fine. You wanna fight? Let’s fight,” Akita tackled me to the ground. I struggled to get him off me, and pretty soon, we were rolling around in the grass punching each other. “I hope you’re not disappointed when you lose!” He yelled.
“And I hope you don’t go crying to your mom when you lose, Akita!” I screamed back at him. I kneed him in the stomach and managed to get back onto my feet. My jaw stung where he’d hit me. I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was smack him over and over again until he understood that we could never be friends. I’d been trying to explain it to him for the longest time, but for some reason he kept on coming back.
I still had a scar from where he’d hit me and split my jaw open. Every time I thought about him my hand went to that scar. Sometimes I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I shook my head and threw my blankets to the side. After struggling to sit up I pulled back my curtains. The moonlight leaked in and illuminated my bare skin. His light was still on, and he was sitting at his desk working on something. Akita didn’t realize I was standing there for a minute, but when he looked up something changed. Maybe it was his aura or something, but he seemed more relaxed. His hair was a little disheveled, but I thought it looked good on him. Maybe he’d fallen asleep and decided to get up and work. I didn’t know.
In that moment, I wondered how I’d come to hate him at all. He said something, but I couldn’t hear it. “What?” He motioned for me to open my window.
“You’re just standing there. What are you doing up? It’s like midnight.” Akita scratched his head and squinted to see me better. I sat on my windowsill, letting my legs dangle off the edge.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
He nodded. “Seems like a common trend around here, Leyila.”
I leaned forward, a little curious. “What are you doing anyway? You have ink all over your hands.” He stared at me for a long time, then looked down at his desk, like he was embarrassed to look at me.
“Well…I’m drawing something. It’s not important.” He said quickly.
“What is it?”
“Uh n-nothing. Like I said, it’s not important.” Akita laughed nervously and covered up his drawing. Why was he acting like that? What exactly did he have to hide? “I think you should go to sleep. Talking to me probably isn’t in your best interest—“ He stopped talking when I rubbed my hand over the scar on my jaw. I saw him lean forward to make sure he was seeing it right.
“It’s not that noticeable anymore you know,” I shrugged.
“You’re always doing that though. It makes me feel like a jerk for giving it to you,” Akita’s eyes dropped in shame. Why did he care? It’s not like we were friends anymore. That was the only fight that I’ve ever been in, and I didn’t plan on being in anymore. I lie to my friends when they ask me how I got it. I said that I tripped and a rock cut my jaw open. I only said that so they wouldn’t know I used to be friends with him. That made me feel like the jerk in all of this.
“I think you were right to…because if you hadn’t I don’t think we’d be talking right now.”
I think his eyes widened, but I couldn’t tell. “Wait. Let me get this straight. You actually like talking to me? Are you sure you’re ok? You’re not sick or anything?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine…just a little tired.”
“Here’s a tip: go back to bed. You sound delirious right now. There’s no way that Miss Popularity likes talking to me ok? All we do is argue.”
“Maybe I like arguing with you.” I shivered when a cold breeze wrapped around my legs, attempting to pull me out the window.
He groaned in frustration when he stood up. “Move over.” Pretty soon he was sitting next to me on my windowsill with this annoyed look on his face. “I really think there’s something wrong with you. Are you sure you didn’t hit your head or something?” I was leaning against my side of the window, looking at the clouds in the sky. They were wispy, like someone had curled them around their fingers and let them unravel into thin little ringlets. They were beautiful.
“I remember when we used to do this as kids, sitting in trees and looking at the clouds for hours. Do you remember?” I sat up straight and gazed over at him. He was smiling softly at me, like he was thinking about the same thing seconds before.
“Yeah, I remember.” Akita said quietly, then his eyes went back to the clouds. The moon was high in the sky, like it could fall on us at any moment. It was full, and that’s when it was the most beautiful. Without even thinking I leaned against Akita and laced my arm in his. He tensed up for a second, but then he relaxed. Maybe there was something seriously wrong with me, but at this point I didn’t care. I just wanted it to feel like it used to when we were friends. When I actually cared what he thought, and when he and I stared at the clouds together. He was so familiar to me that it was hard to believe that we weren’t close anymore. Something made me want to be closer to him. Maybe I was just trying to cling to old memories.
“Hey,” I sat up for a second.
“Hmm?” He looked over at me.
“Is it really all that noticeable? I want your opinion.” I turned my head to the side to show him the scar on my left jaw.
Akita turned my head a bit more with his fingers. He squinted, because the moonlight wasn’t bright enough to make it out clearly. He smiled, and inched a little closer to me. I shivered when I felt his lips on my skin. “It’s perfect.” He laughed softly. Did he seriously kiss me just now? Why wasn’t I pushing him out the window right now? Why was I leaning on him still? I blinked a few times. It felt right though, so why was I questioning it?
“You missed.” I smiled shyly.
He shook his head, attempting to stifle a laugh. “Damn, I did didn’t I? I should really have better aim. I have a question though; why didn’t you move away? I thought you hated me.” I didn’t say anything, just answered with a shrug. “Huh. Alright then…what do you say I try again?” Akita asked. I nodded and moved closer. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and traced my jaw with his fingertips. When he kissed me a shockwave of electricity ran all the way down my body. This was wrong, but for some reason I wasn’t stopping. I was letting the most reckless kid in school kiss me. All the hate and resentment melted away, and before I knew it he was pulling back.
“Um…” I bit my lip.
“Good or bad?” He asked.
“Good.” I nodded.
“That’s good. You had me worried for a second. But you look so…lost in thought. Are you sure about this? I can go back in my room if you want me to.” Akita touched my hand tentatively.
‘”Don’t go yet. But I have to ask…was this planned out or spontaneous?’’
“A little bit of both actually. I was kinda hoping that you were still awake because I wanted to talk to you…like this. I didn’t plan on kissing you though, but I’m happy I did.”
“So are you still going to blackmail me about going on that date with you?” I asked.
Akita clicked his tongue. “I guess not. I mean…don’t you want to…go with me?” His cheeks were flushed, like this made him more nervous than blackmailing me into going on a date.
“If you wanted to go with me, you could’ve just asked. I’m sure I would’ve stopped hating you sooner…but I suppose a few hours doesn’t make a difference does it?”
“Ok fine. Leyila…will you go out on a date with me? Wherever you want.” He was facing me now with this hopeful look on his face.
“I have a boyfriend…Akita. Damn it…I totally forgot. I just kissed you and I’m dating someone else…”I covered my face in embarrassment. How could I forget about that? Who forgets that they’re dating someone?
“So I guess since I asked genuinely…that it’s a no because you’re dating Mr. Jock of the Year right?” Akita rubbed his face tiredly. He looked sad and…defeated. I made him turn his head so I could kiss him.
“It’s a yes because I want to go with you anyway.” I whispered.
“Are you serious right now? You’re picking me over Hercules?”
I laughed. “Yeah…I guess I am.”


It had been a month since that day we sat in my windowsill. Honestly I’d been thinking about this day for the last two weeks, ever since Akita’s birthday. I don’t think I had hostile feelings towards him anymore, because he’d become such a different person. Maybe I was wrong, but lately, he hadn’t gotten in trouble for anything. He wasn’t being so reckless anymore. Was that just to prove something to me? Or was it that he was genuinely trying to turn things around? I could only speculate.
I thumbed through my closet, trying to decide on something to wear. It looked like it was going to rain with the gloomy gray clouds looming in the sky like that. I loved rain almost as much as I loved the clouds themselves. I decided on a gray lace shirt, because it seemed right. If the sky was gray, then I’d have to wear gray too. After sitting at my vanity for about half an hour my phone started ringing. I picked it up with a sigh. “Hello?”
“Leyila hey,” My boyfriend, Zach, said, “I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight. Go to the mall or something.” He sounded eager to go somewhere with me, but all I wanted to do was hang up the phone.
“I actually have plans already. Does tomorrow sound ok?” I asked.
“But it’s your birthday; don’t you want to hang out with me for something so special?”
Not particularly. “I do, but I can’t exactly get out of it. My family is having this big party for me and I don’t want to let them down. I can do something with you tomorrow ok? I have to go.” I hung up before he could say anything to change my mind. It was partially true; my family was having a party for me later on. I had planned to go somewhere with Akita, and then come back and be surprised. I shook my head and finished my makeup.
I ran down the stairs when I heard the doorbell chime throughout the house. I was more nervous than anything. What would be on the other side of that door? Was Zach already here? Would Akita be waiting for me? I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. What was I supposed to do? Go out with the sporty guy with no brain or go out with the guy who’s been my best friend since we were 3? I opened the door slowly, and Akita met my gaze. “Whoa.”
“What? Is it ok?” I gestured towards my outfit. It wasn’t all that much. I was wearing jeans and combat boots. He stared at me in awe for a few more seconds.
He gave me a warm smile. “It’s perfect, now come on. We have to hurry.” Akita grabbed my hand and ran to his car with me in tow. He opened the door for me, something my actual boyfriend never did. I grinned and sat in the passenger seat. His car smelled new, like leather and air freshener. I ran my hands over the dashboard, attempting to suppress a smile.
“So, Zach asked to do something with me tonight….but I told him I had plans. My family is having a party for me later.” I said quietly as he started the car, slowly pulling away from the curb. He didn’t say anything for a long time, and I wondered why. I knew why after he started taking the familiar turns to get to the park.
“And you said no…” Akita said slowly.
“Yes, I did.”
Akita pulled into the parking lot and turned the engine off. “Why?” He crossed his arms.
“Because I wanted to be here with you.” I narrowed my eyes. Something told me this was starting to turn into an argument. Of all days to fight with him, this had to be it. “Can we please not do this?” I rubbed my forehead, then rested it against the dash.
“Fine. Come on,” Akita got out of the car and jogged over to my side. He opened the door for me again, but I didn’t move. He placed a hand on the small of my back, trying to coax me out of the car. I got out, despite the fact that I wanted to go back home. He placed his fingers under my chin and made me look at him. “Hey,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” I gasped. I think I was more shocked because I’d never heard him apologize to me before. He’d never apologized for anything.
I kissed his chin. “It’s ok…so why are we at the park?”
Akita glanced over. “We’re going to climb that tree and look at the clouds like we used to when we were kids. Does that sound ok?” He asked. I stopped and stared at him. This was something that only he and I could share. No one else would understand the significance of it. I covered my mouth to hold in my excitement. He could tell how happy I was, and I think that made him feel better.
“It’s so perfect…I don’t know what to say…” I shook my head and ran over to the tree we used to climb. When I ran my hands over the bark old memories came flooding back into my mind. We’d stay in this tree until the sun went down, and it was time to go home. I wrapped my hands around a sturdy branch, lifting myself up so I could see it from a higher perspective. Akita climbed up after me. “I love this.” I threw my hands up in the air.
He smiled. “I’m glad. I know that you have to get back to your family soon but—“ I leaned forward and kissed him so he would stop talking. The wind began to shake the tree back and forth, then it was like a bucket of cold water drenched us both. It had started to rain and I hadn’t even noticed it.
“Oh my God that’s really cold.” I laughed when he pushed the hair out of his eyes. There were water droplets on his eyelashes that he had to blink away, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. “We’re soaked.” I dropped my head and frowned.
Akita touched my jaw. “You’re beautiful.”
I searched his eyes to make sure he wasn’t joking. “Really?”
“Really,” I heard voices in the distance that sounded familiar. “Shh. Don’t move ok?” Akita came closer to me. His clothes were darker than mine, so him shielding me would probably be our best chance at staying hidden. The voices were approaching us quickly, and I held my breath.
“Do you think she’s gonna find out?” That had to be Karina’s voice. No one could sound as high-strung as she did.
“Not a chance. I called her earlier. She said she had plans already, so I think we’re good as long as her party isn’t at the park.” I peered down and spotted Zach strangely close to her. “Besides,” He drew her to him, “I’d rather be here with you.” When he kissed her I gasped. Akita put his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet. He was cheating on me with Karina of all people? One would expect him to do better than that. My eyes widened when she started laughing.
“You know, we’ve been seeing each other for almost two years now…do you think she’ll be heartbroken when she finally realizes?” I wanted to punch her in the face. What did she know about me anyway? I was still hung up on something though.
Two years?
“I think she’ll be fine. There’re a lot of guys that want her anyway. I’ll just tell Conner to cheer her up; I know he’s liked her for a while now.” Zach shrugged and kissed Karina again. They were getting closer to the tree, and pretty soon, they were right under us. If they looked up they’d know we were here. I didn’t move; I didn’t breathe. Akita stayed close to me, not moving an inch. It started to rain harder, and it was difficult to keep from shivering.
Karina groaned. “Can we go now? I really have to get back,” she was so annoying I didn’t know how he could stand her let alone make out with her. Everyone knew she’d been around the block more than a few times, so how was this any different? Zach nodded, but stopped short.
“That’s that kid Akita’s car over there. Damn, I didn’t even realize that. He could be here right now and have heard this whole thing. Why didn’t I think of that?” He covered his face.
“Relax. I don’t see him anywhere. Let’s just go,” She dragged him away while he was still talking about wanting to find Akita. When they pulled away I finally let out a sigh. A tear slipped out from the corner of my eye, but I didn’t wipe it away. It didn’t matter. Zach was cheating on me…and for a long time too. How could I not have known? How could I be so dense? I was kind of doing the same thing, but it had only been a month. I shook my head. Zach wasn’t worth crying over. He didn’t care about me.
I hopped out of the tree and ran back to Akita’s car. I opened the door and got my phone out. I dialed his number furiously, but Akita stopped me. “Leyila, don’t.” He warned.
“Why not?” I asked.
“He’ll know you were out here with me if you call him right now. Don’t do this,” He touched my arm, but I pulled away.
“Why do you care? Since when have you ever been in a committed relationship huh?”
“So since he’s been cheating on you for a while makes him committed right? You know, I don’t think he cares for you as much as you think he does.” Akita scowled.
“Shut up!”
“You know I’m right.” He crossed his arms. He was right; I just didn’t want to say it out loud. It was too frightening to hear.
“You’ve never loved anyone! You don’t understand!” I turned and started to walk.
“Leyila, stop.” Akita called.
I spun on my heel in a fury. “Why?”
“Because I’ve been in love with you my entire life and you’ve just been too caught up in that tool to see that! I let you hate me, sure, but I’ve always loved you. From the first day we met I knew that you were special, and that if I ever let you get away I’d regret it. I looked forward to the chats at night from your bedroom window. I lived for those. So no, I don’t think you understand what it’s like to love someone else.” His breathing was short and shallow, like he’d just lifted a huge weight off his chest. He turned away this time, and I let my phone drop to the ground.
“Are you serious?” My voice cracked. “You’ve been in love with me for your entire life?”
“Yes! Is that so hard to believe?”
“A little but,” I came closer and wrapped my arms around him from behind, “Akita?”
“What?” He snapped.
“Will you just look at me?” I raised my voice. He turned and stared at me, his brown eyes reflecting the sun rays that were peeking through the clouds. “I love you Akita.”
He chuckled. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“No.”
“This is a joke. You’re not actually being serious right now,” He shook his head like it was the most absurd thing in the world. I narrowed my eyes. “Wait…you mean to tell me that you’re in love with me too?”
“Yes, Akita. I love you,” I rested my head on his chest, the smell of rain almost overwhelming.
“Hey,” he whispered, “Look at me for a second.” When I lifted my head he smiled gently. “I love you too.” When he kissed me I started to laugh uncontrollably. I’d never felt like this with Zach, I’d never felt so carefree in my life. I could do anything I wanted right now, including taking him back to the party with me. Whatever anyone else thought was their problem, not mine.
It was maybe an hour before the party and I was in my room again, trying to find something different to wear since I‘d gotten soaked. After I changed I fixed my makeup and braided my hair back. My curtains were open, and so was my window. Akita was at his desk drawing and looking over at me every so often. For some reason it was very focused, and I liked that about him. I’d noticed over the years that if he was determined enough, he could do anything. This wasn’t any different. “Hey,” he called, “I have a present for you Leyila. Come over here.”
I got up and slowly walked over my window. I peered over curiously. “What is it?” He got up, handing it to me so I could get a better look. It was a portfolio, like one an artist would have. When I opened it I gasped. “These are all of me…” It looked like some of these were over two years old, and each one was better than the last. He’d been doing this for a while now, or that was my guess.
“I’ve been drawing you for a long time….oh man that sounds really creepy.” He covered his eyes and chuckled. I shook my head.
“It’s ok…I love them. Oh, this one is me in the window from like a month ago. And then this one…” I flipped to the last page and smiled. “This is me and you sitting in my window. Oh my God, Akita.” I put my hand over my mouth.
“There’s a note on the back.” Akita motioned for me to turn it over.
Leyila,
I know I may act like an idiot sometimes, but I love you anyway. All this time I still thought of us as friends, even though you probably didn’t. I hope this is a really good birthday present, because I’ve been working on it for three years. I hope you like it.
Sincerely,
Akita

“This is the best present I’ve ever gotten, Akita. No one’s ever done anything like this for me before. I don’t even know how to thank you for this—“
“You don’t have to. Hey…meet you at the front door in five ok?” He winked at me and shut his curtains without another word. I stood there speechless. He’d been working on this for three years? Zach had never done anything like this for me, which made me question just how much our relationship meant.
I picked up my phone and dialed Zach’s number. “Hello?” He asked.
“Hey…so Akita told me something.” I tapped my phone with my nails, the clicking slightly melodic. It made me feel more confident, more than I ever had before. I had no idea how a simple sound could make me feel so empowered, but the time to question it would have to come at a later time,
“Oh….and w-what would that be?” I could practically see him pulling on his collar, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. I smiled.
“He told me that you were with Karina earlier, and that he heard some pretty interesting stuff. I’m sorry Zach, but it’s over. You’ve been cheating on me for a while now, I know that. And the truth is…I’ve been cheating on you for about a month now. So goodbye, good riddance, I hope you choke.” I hung up the phone. I grinned at my reflection. For the first time in a while I was actually doing something I wanted. Something I wanted for my own reasons and not someone else’s. It felt good to be free.
I hopped down the stairs, running my hand along the mahogany banister. When I opened my front door Akita was standing there with a bouquet of white carnations. They looked like little puffy clouds on stems. I breathed them in when he set them in my hands. “You like them?”
I hugged him tight. “I love them. I need to go find a vase to put them in though—“
My mother came up behind me, almost prying the flowers from my hands. “Oh how pretty…” Her eyes stopped on Akita, and she gasped. “I haven’t seen you in years Akita. Did you two finally make amends?”
“Something like that…” Akita shrugged. My mom hugged Akita like she would her own child, with a warm and loving embrace. It was almost as if those years we weren’t friends never happened. The connection wasn’t severed in her eyes; she was just waiting for him to come back. “You haven’t changed at all.” Akita laughed as he followed her into the kitchen. I closed the door with a small smile plastered on my face. She’d always loved him, as opposed to Zach, who she thought was snobby and rude. This could go well…now all I had to do was tell her that I loved him more than anything I’d ever known.
People started to arrive as the hour went on, and soon, they were gathered around me at the table, waiting to sing happy birthday to me. Akita was standing in the back corner, and his voice cut through the rest of the crowd like a sharpened blade. I blew out the candles in one breath while closing my eyes to make my wish.
I want Akita and I to stay together, despite the odds.
The presents weren’t the things that mattered to me, because today didn’t seem to be a day for materialism. Some ask for a car on their birthday and others a new wardrobe, but me? I wanted Akita, and the love I knew we shared. That was enough for me. Of course, I didn’t say it out loud, but I think he knew that’s what I was thinking. My mother pulled me aside as the guests were leaving, and she didn’t stop walking until we were by the back door. She kept her voice low, “You love that boy don’t you? He’s been looking at you the whole time. When did it happen?” Her eyes were focused on mine, but gentle nonetheless.
I attempted not to blush. “About a month ago. He gave me a birthday present earlier; he’d been working on it for three years. They’re all drawings of me and him. I’ll show it to you later ok?”
“Leyila…marry this boy. He seems to care for you a whole lot. You two have known each other for a long time…so make it mean something.” She went into the backyard to clean up. I leaned against the door. How could she have known so easily? Were we that obvious?
I was back in my room later that night with my window open, waiting for the moment when the moon would peek out from under the clouds. It was so blue outside that could swear it was black. Only it was like someone had taken gray paint and smeared it all over the navy blue canvas, the clouds were so blotchy. The moon was a hole cut out in the masterpiece. It was warm outside; the night was clinging to the last bits of warmth from the sun. I closed my eyes for a second to take it in. “Leyila? Are you asleep?” When I heard his voice I opened my eyes a little.
“I might be…but that all depends.” I shrugged and moved over to the right side of the window. He sat next to me a few seconds later. I leaned against the curve of his torso, where I fit perfectly. His arm was slung around my waist, and we both were silent for a long time.
“How does it feel…to be older?” He finally asked.
“I don’t feel different really…just freer. Now that I don’t have Zach tying me down, there’s a lot more opportunity to do the things I want to do…and not what someone tells me to do.” I let my gaze fall on the moon when it finally made its appearance. It was illuminated, but just barely. It was almost as if it was glowing from the inside. Gray wisps were wrapped around its edges, but only until it was consumed by the clouds again.
“I think we all need to feel freer sometimes. There’s too much we have to do…sometimes doing nothing is the best remedy for that.” Akita said.
I turned. “You think so?”
“I do. I mean…if we were constantly going all the time…I feel like we would fizzle out and become something…less than ourselves. We have to take a break from humanity every once in a while.” His logic was pretty solid, and I think I agreed for the most part. We would eventually get tired of it, and have the option to surrender, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“You know….the present you gave me. It really meant a lot to me. I mean, there was a lot of thought put into it. I didn’t deserve it for being such a jerk to you all those years.”
“You being a jerk to me was what made me want to do it, Leyila. It inspired me,” His laugh was lyrical, like the perfect song to dance to. I wanted to stop talking and listen to it for a while, and forget everything else. Akita was everything I needed, and I hadn’t realized it for so long, I felt like an idiot for not seeing it.
“If I’m such a jerk…then why did you fall in love with me?” I entwined my fingers in his. There was something about being with Akita that made me want to be better, strive to do more. Under his grunge exterior, there was something more meaningful. There was a person who loved art and music, and loved the girl next door all his life. I think I loved him too, but I just never bothered to acknowledge it. We were two sides of the same coin.
He shrugged. “Beats me.” When he kissed me everything else fell away, until there was just this feeling of love that can’t be described. We’d know each other all our lives. We’d even beat each other up once. It didn’t matter if we were having a talk in the window, or climbing a tree because the feeling would always be there. Staring at the clouds every day would remind me of that, because in the end, that’s what it all came back to.