Lullaby

Jonathan
It is funny how your mind can be your sanctuary, but at the same time be your prison. When Steven was raping or beating me I went elsewhere, a place deep in my mind; where I couldn’t smell the scent of sweat, mixed with cheap cologne, feel his touch, or hear his heavy breathing as he hurt me. I was a frightened, unseen witness of what was happening, locked away in the hidden sanctuary of my mind.

My mom and I were prisoners in that house. A broken spirit is worse than broken bones; bones heal but a broken spirit may never. Our spirits seemed damaged beyond repair. In the days before, I decided to tell her about the sexual abuse, my mind became my prison. A slide show of horror continually, replayed, everything, we had endured in my mind. It seemed that my penance for speaking the truth was to relive every indignity I ever suffered.

My mom was unaware of Steven’s transgressions with me. We went through great lengths to hide it from her. I was afraid of him, and he used that fear to control me. He was afraid of people finding out what kind of a person he really was. In his perverse thinking it was okay to beat his wife and son, but rape was something only sick people involved themselves in. “I’m teaching you to be a man” was his way of justifying it.

I don’t know for sure if my mom suspected more was going on then the obvious. I didn’t want to know if she did. I would never ask her. Bruises, cuts, burns and broken bones will eventually heal. Pain eventually goes away even if the memories are always there, but some wounds cut too deep to ever heal. If she had known and did nothing, that would be the wound that killed me.
I paced the length of the kitchen over a hundred times as I waited for her to come home from work. Steven would be home at anytime and my body ached from my latest encounter with him. I was left with serious pains in my stomach and a black eye. He came home last night, drunk, and looking for a fight. I stepped in front of an oncoming attack aimed at my mom. When it was over I was on the floor barely conscious, and mom was running around the house dodging his blows screaming for him to stop.
While lying on the floor feeling helpless I had somewhat of an epiphany. That the only way things may change is if I choose. Sometimes, we have to make decisions about our lives and where we will end up. If we continue, on the current path we are taking we may regret those decisions because the hardest decisions are usually the right ones. What would my life be like if there were no decisions to be made?

I told her everything, because I was scared to end my life. But I am not strong enough to hold on anymore. I go to bed every night not wanting to wake up. The shame, guilt, and pain I feel inside sicken me. It is at the point that all I can think about is endings; killing him, killing her, but mostly killing myself.

It took a lot for me to admit to being raped, not only once but for awhile maybe for as long I could remember. The words flowed from me, as I confessed to my mom. My chest tightened with each syllable, until I felt like I was smothering. She cried but I couldn’t. If I strayed even for second from what I was talking about I would not be able to continue. I was empty as a shell inside. I had mourned the person I would never be a long time ago, and Steven wasn’t getting anymore of who I was now.

When I finished talking we sat across from each other at the table; a vast distance formed between us. I stared uncomfortably at the floor and she cried softly. I could feel her watching me as if waiting for me to tell her it wasn’t true. I wished so much that I could. I knew I should comfort her but didn’t know how.

“Why are you telling me this now, Jonathan? How could you keep such a horrible thing from me? I would have done something; I could have made it stop”

I shook my head and tears ran down my face “No Mom, you couldn’t, and if you had tried, it wouldn’t have mattered. Steven does what Steven wants, and that’s how it is.”

She stood up and walked around the table and wrapping her thin arms around me. “Jon I wanted so much more for us then this” she motioned around the room “If I could do it all over again things would be different”

“Things can be different mom, it’s not too late” I inhaled deeply and sighed “We have to leave this place right now. Living in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere, would be better than this.”

“Jonathan we can’t just up and disappear” she insisted “We need a plan, money, someplace to go. Here I have a job, I can work some extra hours, I can hide some money from him at least we’ll have a fighting chance if we do that”
“Mom no plan is better than letting him hurt us again.” I reasoned “I will die before I let him touch me that way again I promise you that”
“Jon you can’t give up on me, I will fix this I just need time” she vowed
“Mom I’ve run out of reasons to live. How can I be safe from myself? If every breath I take is shear will. I’m tired of being afraid and I’m tired of fighting. If this is my life, then I don’t want it anymore. I’m leaving tonight with or without you”

We left that night through the woods; with any money we could find, and the clothing on our backs. Steven was late coming home and we knew that was never anything good. If he had known we were leaving he would kill us. To him we were nothing but objects he owned, and like anything that was no longer of use, we would be disposed of.

I hoped it would be a while before he realized we were not there; or that he’d be too drunk to realize we were even gone. Deep down I knew the chances of that were slim. Drinking always made him more brutal. He would seek one of us out as soon as he walked through the door, and that person would become his nemesis. If my mom was working the late shift I would not only be his nemesis but his plaything. I tried not to think about that, it made me feel dirty inside.

Bianca

We all make mistakes, it is human nature, but when you do something knowing it is a mistake, it becomes a choice. Sometimes those choices cannot be undone and you find yourself trapped in a never ending cycle of bad decisions. I made one of those choices many years ago when I thought Steven Blake was all I ever wanted. I made a decision based on my own loneliness, at a time, in my life when, I was vulnerable and afraid.

I even convinced myself that I wasn’t being selfish. Jon needed a father figure, and I deserved to be happy again. I was tired of struggling. I worked at a monotonous waitressing job in a truck stop diner. We lived pay check to pay check; I was hardly making enough to keep food on our table and a roof over our heads. I thought that happiness was owed to me after the tragedy of losing Jon’s father.
Eric Larson was a good man. Jon was all him on the outside, blond hair, laughing green eyes, wicked good looks, and a smile that made people want to know him. I was taken with him right away. We fell in love fast and hard, our entire relationship ignited at the casting call for some dumb commercial; that I thought would launch me into instant stardom.

Fate sometimes invades your life, and throws you for a loop; it can change the ordinary into the extraordinary. It lets you feel like you are on top of the world, and then cruelly rips it all away from you, to remind you that it can. That’s what happened to me. When I was 7 months pregnant with Jon, Eric was hit by a drunk driver and killed. He was on his way home from a construction job he took when we found out I was pregnant.

As I was thinking about Eric, I didn’t realize Jonathan had fallen behind. I stopped and looked around; we were about half way to the road that would take us into town. I knew the way because; it was my favorite route to take to work. The forest was my sanctuary, a place where I could enjoy peace and tranquility. I was free amongst the trees, unbound from the darkness and ugliness that my life had become.

I scolded myself for not noticing that Jonathan was gone, how could I be so oblivious to my child’s suffering? At that moment I realized I failed him once again and started back the way I’d come. Nothing in life causes you greater pain then knowing your child is in pain, and being unable to do anything about it.

I walked with my head down, horrible thoughts invading my mind. What if Steven had anticipated our escape? And caught up with us? What if he had Jonathan right now and was hurting him again? I stepped into the shadows of the trees knelt and picked up a large branch. I was fully prepared to beat the shit out of Steven if it came down to it. I failed Jonathan for most of his life, but I would never fail him again. I promised myself.

I found Jonathan on his hands and knees with his head in a wild blueberry bush getting violently sick; I tossed the stick and hurried to his side as another onslaught of fierce gagging shook his body and he expelled whatever he’d eaten that day into the blueberry bush.

He shrugged my hand off him and shook his head “I’m fine mom, honest just nerves that’s all” he said weakly, it was another ten minutes before the shuddering subsided and he was able to get himself to his feet.

He leaned against a nearby tree to catch his breath, “we have to get going Jon, just lean on me if you are too weak to walk” I offered my arm to him and he hesitated before accepting it. I reached to touch his forehead worried he might be feverish, he turned his head away “I’m fine mom, please can we just go?”

He doesn’t trust me I thought, trying to think of a reason why he would. I hadn’t been there for him, nobody had. I brought a monster into his life and that monster not only beat him down, but stole his innocence. It was then I realized that Steven wasn’t the only one who had broken Jonathan I had too. I’d broken my son, by being lost in my own despair and never acknowledging his.

We ignore the ones who adore us sometimes, and adore the ones who couldn’t be bothered to care about us. We love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones who love us. I had been delusional, selfish and unavailable to Jon. I couldn’t blame him for his mistrust in me. I failed him in more ways than I thought possible.

When we exited the woods that night, I had a renewed sense of purpose, I would show Jonathan how much I loved him, and earn back his trust. I would show him that he could count on me, and I would help him heal from the damage our past had caused him. Most of our lives we lived in fear, of Steven Blake, but not anymore. I would embrace this new life no matter what happened, and I would face each new challenge without hiding or lying to myself. I would never become intent on the past. Everyday would be a new beginning, and the potential of our future would be limitless.

Jonathan

I was tired in so many ways. I was losing the fight with whatever was wrong with me, the pain was getting worse and I was getting weaker. I knew it was only a matter of time before I yielded to it. For the time being I just trusted that I would make it, until we were far enough away from here to ask for help. I didn’t know if I would, but you never know how strong you are until being strong is all you can do.

I excused myself to go to the bathroom because I felt nauseous again, mom took her place in line and I waved as I walked away, I could feel people’s eyes watching me as I walked through the surprisingly crowded bus station. I could hear their whispers “look at that kids face.”

If only they knew I thought, as I closed the bathroom door behind me. I splashed cold water on my face and studied my black eye in the mirror; Gripping the sink tightly I steadied myself as memories came rushing back to me. Steven pinning me to the couch arm bent behind my back like he was trying to break it his rough hands slipping past my waistband into my boxers “Stop” I whispered to my reflection “ I don’t want to think about it just stop” more cold water on my face anything to wash the filth from my mind. A black eye was far from the worst thing my step father had given me.

I turned off the water and locked myself in the nearest stall as another round of nausea crippled me. I finished and looked into the toilet. My stomach fell when I saw the blood, there was more then I’d ever seen before. I gasped and swore under my breath, unsure of what to do. Crying was not a luxury I would allow myself just then. That was for when I was locked away from anyone who could see me. I was tired of being weak, but not sure if I could be strong did I want to live? Or did I just want to exist? I had no idea.

I didn’t realize that someone else was in the bathroom, a man standing by the exit. He watched me curiously as I washed my hands. He was massive, and his girth blocked my only way out. I was apprehensive about being trapped, and my instinct told me to fear him. In my mind confined spaces made it easier for people to get me and that scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want be in close proximity to anyone, because deep down I knew they could hurt me.

As I headed for the exit I dried my hands on a piece of paper towel; the stranger shifted his weight to block the door even more, I didn’t know if he’d done that on purpose or if I was just being paranoid. My discomfort increased, I felt like a trapped rat “I have to get out of here now” my mind screamed “excuse me” I said shakily “can I please get by” I must have sounded as desperate as I felt. He looked at me strangely and shifted his weight away from the door, nodding as I started past him. I left as much space between us, as the small cramped washroom would allow.

When I was near him he laid his large hand on my shoulder detaining me. I immediately gasped and froze to the place I was standing. Tensely, I turned slightly towards him unable to meet his eyes directly. “C...can I help you” I offered nervously.
“Are you alright kid? You look like shit” he said in a deep voice that was mildly accented and deeply concerned. I winced away from him like he was going to strike me and looked at the floor. He noticed my reaction and sighed lifting his hand off my shoulder “I heard you throwing up, then saw your face and just assumed you needed help.”

I felt like a pile of shit suddenly, I’d obviously misread his body language. I forced myself to relax before replying “I’m okay....I just have a bug or something” I lied quietly “I’ve been off for awhile but it’ll pass soon I’m sure of it” I added.
“That doesn’t explain that eye” he said inquisitively “did you get into a fight or something?”

I had a thousand lies running through my mind that could explain my appearance, but didn’t have enough energy to concentrate on just one of them “yeah I got into a fight at school yesterday” I agreed following his lead.

He nodded, “well if you don’t want to tell me what’s going on kid you don’t have to. But I have something that may help if you want?” he picked up a tattered briefcase opened it, and retrieved two bottles of pills then passed them to me. “Aspirin and Gravol will fix you right up”

I thanked him awkwardly and poured two of each into my hand, swallowing them, nearly choking, then handed the bottles back to him.

“Keep them” he replied patting me on the shoulder “ Looks like you need them more then I do anyway” He stepped into a stall and locked it behind him “where ever you are going, it has to be better then where you’ve been.” He added kindly as I hurriedly left the room.

I was mystified, how could a stranger know so much about me through a chance meeting in some washroom? I’d hardly spoken to him, was my fuck up of a life that obvious to everyone?

Bianca

The simplest things you do can forever alter your life in ways never imagined. I was sitting on a bench, in the middle of the bus station, holding two tickets to our new life. I was concentrating so hard on our future, that I didn’t realise the past was about to catch up with us.

If I’d chosen to sit facing the main entrance instead of platform exit, I might have had time to react before I heard him behind me yelling my name. I stood up terrified as Steven appeared out of nowhere and seized a handful of my hair. He pulled me violently over the bench I had just been seated on.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing Bianca” He growled pulling me close to him. I could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. His dark eyes were bloodshot and silently dared me to defy him. A woman hurried two young children away from us, as if expecting a bomb to go off at any second. “Where the fuck is Jonathan?” He demanded scanning the depot “we are leaving.”
I shoved him hard away from me; my strength surprising both of us a little. “We are not going anywhere with you” I exclaimed making no effort to hide my rage. “In fact, we are going someplace that is as far from you as possible” I turned to take my leave of him, hoping he understood that he was no longer a part of our lives and would leave without causing a huge scene. I should have known better.

“You think that getting away from me will be that easy?” he scoffed in an overly calm voice. The warning tone that signaled to me that he was about to lose all self control. I heard it each time he was about hit me, the calm before the storm that would leave me bruised and battered at his feet. “You are sadly mistaken, you ungrateful bitch.” He continued as he grabbed my arm and wrenched me back towards him. I stumbled and briefly lost my balance, he steadied me and half dragged me towards the exit where I could see his truck idling through the window.

I knew if he got me beyond the safety of the scarcely crowded bus station; there would be no salvation for me or my son. He was desperate to keep us, not because he loved us, but because his pride and ego would not permit him to let us go. I thought of Jonathan and the sexual abuse he was forced to endure. Steven was the only father he’d known and I could only imagine the cruel things he’d said or done to make him submit. I thought of all the bruises, injuries and pain we suffered over the years trying to please a man who would never be satisfied. I was repulsed by him, and hated him from the depths of my soul.
“Steven let go of me right now or I will scream, I swear” I warned through clenched teeth, as I struggled against his unyielding grasp. He pulled me closer to him putting his arm around me like a vise. To the people around us it would appear, he was casually putting an arm around me in a show of affection, in truth I knew it was away to maintain control over me in case I decided to bolt again.

“Just shut the fuck up and look for Jon” Steven hissed quietly in my ear “Where the fuck is he anyhow?” he demanded “I’ll kill the little shit if doesn’t show up soon damned him.” He scanned the entire building cursing angrily under his breath as he ran a frustrated hand through his dark hair.

I saw Jonathan step out of the men’s room. Thankfully, Steven did not. Jon was oblivious to his surroundings; he walked head down and hood up. As he hid his bruised face from the people around him. I inhaled deeply and let out the most god-awful scream I could muster. Steven jumped and his grip loosened enough for me to twist out of his arm. “Jesus Christ Bianca what the fuck wrong with you?” He roared balling his hand up in a fist. I knew it was only a matter of time until he would hit me, and I didn’t care as long as Jon had enough time to get away
.
Jon anxiously lifted his head and met my eyes. His face paled, and melted into a mask of alarm upon realizing Steven had discovered us. He ducked behind a large roman style support pillar before Steven saw him. I silently celebrated my small victory, hoping Jon would not come back to me. I needed to know he was safely out of harm’s way; until I found a way to evade Steven, and get us both on that bus
.
“I said no Steven, I’m not going anywhere with you and neither is Jonathan” I risked determinedly “This is over” I pointed to the bruise on my cheek “and everything else is over.” Steven looked slightly shaken, he knew I was referring to Jon I looked him square in the eye wanting to make sure my allegation stung like nothing he felt before “ Jonathan told me everything, every disgusting perverted detail of what you’ve done to him and I will kill you before I let you near either of us again.” I finished turning on my heels and walking away.

He followed and struck me across the face then shoved me to the floor “You worthless lying whore.” He bellowed charging to strike me again. An elderly man stepped in front of me to buffer his attack as I curled up in a protective ball. Steven shoved him aside like he wasn’t even there. He nearly fell but managed to somehow stay on his feet. Steven rushed at me again I shielded my face from a blow the never came. There was a blur of movement to my right and Steven was tackled and knocked hard to the floor.
He sat there eyes blazing and mouth hanging open in shock “Jonathan” I said breathlessly as Jon leaned on his knees breathing heavily “are you all right?” he asked the elderly man who nodded and walked towards me. “What about you mom? Are you okay?” he asked I could see his slim body shuddering as he struggled stubbornly against whatever was ailing him.

“You are going to pay for that Jon” Steven barked from the floor as he fumbled clumsily to his feet Jon shoved him down again, this time he didn’t try to get back up again instead he started laughing “finally grew some balls huh Jonny boy” He mocked with a cold laugh.

“Fuck you Steven” Jonathan said turning towards me, he hurriedly helped me to my feet. “Which way mom? Where are we going?” we leaned on each other like soldiers leaving a battle field. This made Steven laugh even more for some reason “over there that’s where we are going” I pointed to the sign for a place called Lost Harbor “it’s all we could afford, but its eight hours away from here” I added.

Steven stood up but didn’t follow “You think you can up and leave me Bianca? And that I’m going to just let you? We’ll see about that.” He called still laughing as he turned and walked in the opposite direction “you’ll both see” he threatened between chuckles “you’re going to be sorry”

Jonathan shook his head in response and we kept walking “Lost anyplace sounds good to me right about now” he said quietly “I’ve wanted to disappear for a long time” he added. I nodded “He’s leaving and so are we” I half heartedly assured him, as I tried to conceal my worry “he’ll never hurt us again.”

Jonathan

“Have you ever had one of those moments where you want to fall to your knees? Raise your hands to the heavens? And scream free at last?” I saw a guy do it in a movie once, and I could appreciate the way he felt at that moment. I could almost imagine myself doing the same thing when I got on that bus. I smiled at the thought. It was kind of funny to think of doing something so unanticipated and unlike myself.

My mother looked at me and smiled gently, “I haven’t seen that for awhile” she remarked as she put her arm around me, and pulled me close for a hug, “I almost forgot how much you look like your dad when you smile” she added, as I promptly moved out of her grasp with a panicked intake of breath. She looked hurt at first then nodded “I get it Jon, but please know I would never hurt you.”

“I know mom...... I’m sorry.....but I can’t..... Please don’t touch me okay” I sighed looking down at my shoes. How could I hold it against her? She didn’t know how wrong touch felt to me, how wrong everything felt to me. It’s not something I’d told anyone. Touch was a sense I could do without and avoided along with a lot of other things. I realized we would probably never have a normal mother and son relationship; we’d been through way too much to have a normal anything. It was disheartening that we’d spent so much of our lives trying to survive Steven’s abuse, that we never really knew each other.

“What were you smiling about anyway?” she asked curiously. I shrugged, not knowing how to explain to her the feeling of walking in the sun; after being trapped in the dark for so many years. I wish I had told her because I probably would have discovered that she felt the exact same way. Maybe if I had talked to her instead of rejecting her the space between us wouldn’t have felt so infinite. It’s a shame how bitterness and resentment can ruin people before they get the chance to mend.

I sat resting my head against the cool glass pane. I was holding my stomach and struggling with the pain. I needed a distraction and going to sleep was the best I could come up with. I didn’t care if it was a deep sleep, or my usual restless one; as long as I was absent from reality for a little while. I closed my eyes and waited, but sleep never came, just waves of horrible memories, and images I would have preferred to forget. I guess there’s no escape from the truth.

I have no clear memories of when the physical abuse started. I think it must have been when I was fairly young, because I can’t remember a time when Steven wasn’t hitting one of us. The first time I remember him molesting me I was 11. He raped me for the first time when I was 13. I didn’t understand what was happening at the time, or why but I was absolutely terrified. I thought it was just another punishment for something I had done although, I couldn’t figure out what that might’ve been. I was frozen and numb at the same time if that’s possible
.
I don’t know if I somehow gave him the idea that, it was okay to do that stuff to me. I should have fought harder, or been stronger or done something more. If I was another person, a bigger or smarter person then I might have stopped it. I was ruled by fear and fear decided my fate, until there was nothing left for me to do but pretend I was okay. I’d already fallen apart by then.

Steven

The sting of their betrayal burned inside of me like a fire. They had so easily dismissed me. It was like I had never even existed to them. Did they honestly think that I would let them drive out of my life with no consequences? I looked at the .45 sub compact beside me. I reached into the backseat to unearth the bottle of whiskey I kept there. I found it and forced myself to swallow a few mouthfuls. It was cheap, nearly full, and piss warm, but I needed the edge to do what had to be done.

I was owed a debt and I intended to cash it in, I’d rescued them from a life of poverty. I picked them up out of the gutter, when most men would have just walk by. I should have left them in the gutter where they belong. Instead I put them high on a pedestal that they never deserved. I gave them a home, a husband, a father and security. God gives and God takes away, I would decide when this was over, not them.

Bianca had broken the vows we swore on our wedding day. Promises we made to each other tossed aside like they were meaningless. I slammed my fists into the steering wheel then cursed when they throbbed after. She was spoiled and selfish but I would rectify that with some gentle persuasion. We would be together “until death do us part” just like she vowed before God. I would make sure of that. I raised my bottle in one last solitary toast and took a long drink “Until death do us part bitch, mine.... or yours.” I smiled triumphantly, knowing exactly what had to be done.

I knew Jonathan, had told her our secret. Bianca wasn’t smart enough to come up with this plan by herself. She would have needed the extra push, to make a move, this drastic. Rage fed the ever growing darkness inside of me. I wanted to smash something and hurt them. Jon would pay for opening his mouth, and Bianca would be sorry she listened to him. “I should have broken their legs and locked them in the basement so they could never leave” I swore with disgusted anger.

I tucked the gun into the pocket of my hunting vest. It was small enough to fit nicely, hidden, until it was needed. I patted it with confidence, knowing it would be there when it was time to convince them to leave with me. When I got out of my truck, my mission was my family, and we were leaving together.... to go home and if not home then to the morgue in body bags... This was a fight I was not planning to lose.

It was dark enough on the platform that people would not recognize me from the fight inside. Unless they got too close. I walked around the outside of the building quickly, my head down so I didn’t draw any attention to myself. If someone called the police before I got to them it would be game over for me. I easily located the platform for Lost Harbour; the bus had the city’s name written on it in big block letters. I approached it stealthily with vigilance.

I could see Jon resting his head peacefully against a window near the front. His eyes were closed as if he was asleep. It was shame he’d wake up with a gun pointed at his head I thought. I watched him for a second and realized that he was my insurance that Bianca would not leave me again. As long as Jonathan was reined in, Bianca would be too. I just had to get them home and everything would be as it should be, I would have my family back.

I pulled out the gun as I boarded the bus. It was the moment of truth and I was more than prepared for it. It was mass chaos when the passengers noticed that I had a gun their screams and gasps of fear alerted Bianca to the fact that I was there and she frantically began to shake Jon. Jon was pretty much none responsive, his face had gauntness to it, his eyes had dark circles around them and he looked worn down. I realized that our last encounter might have left him a little worse off then I intended.

When he finally woke up he gazed at Bianca with alarm and confusion, when he saw me he visibly paled “What the fuck?” he said wearily. He stood up and pushed past Bianca into the isle, then tucked her behind him securely. “Aren’t you the big hero putting yourself between your mom and my gun?” I smiled coldly “Just what the hell do you think you`ll be able to do? against a fucking bullet Jonathan?” The arrogant little bastard infuriated me I wanted to slap the stupidity off his handsome face. As my anger intensified and everyone else disappeared; all I could see was him. His mouth hung open slightly like he’d planned to say something, but lost the ability to speak. His green eyes were feverish with fear and uncertainty. I found his discomfort amusing and encouraging, because I knew whatever happened from that point on he was weak and I was not
.
“Have you lost your Godamned mind Steven?” Cried Bianca from behind Jon, as she tried to push past him to get at me. I admired her tenacity; I was sure she would have clawed my eyeballs out if she could reach me. “Maybe I have lost my fucking mind Bianca” I mocked with a smirk “but regardless of my sanity don’t you think we should get off this bus?” I asked patiently “I don’t think we should involve these innocent people in our little disagreement” I leveled my gun with the center of Jon’s chest “let’s go now” I ordered reaching out and grasping the front of his hooded sweater.

“Let me go you asshole” He gasped trying to pull away; I raised the gun to hit him but realized if I knocked him out, I wouldn’t be able to get him home. I pointed the gun to the ceiling and fired then pointed it back at my family. “Enough with the fucking games you two” I roared “if you don’t get off this bus right now I’ll kill you” I dragged Jon violently towards me, and then threw him off the bus. He landed with a grunt on his hands and knees on the cement. I followed him out and kicked him as he tried to stand; when he didn’t try to stand again I gripped his hood and yanked him to his feet pulling him close.

I looked over my shoulder to see if Bianca was following; when I saw she was I thrust the gun into Jon’s back as hard as I could. He groaned in obvious pain “Stop it Steven” Bianca whispered dark brown eyes, filling with tears “You’re hurting him.” did she think I cared if I was hurting him or not? She was an idiot if she thought his pain mattered to me at all. I was beyond pity he didn’t deserve it and neither did she. “Why can’t you leave us alone?” she blubbered.

“Why would I do that Bianca? When was the last time you did anything for me?” I complained. She opened her mouth to reply then closed it shaking her head. I guided him around the building to the truck with Bianca close behind. When we arrived I told Bianca that she would be driving. She climbed in and closed the door sitting there crying as, I moved Jon towards passenger side and wedged him in between us. I closed the door and began pummeling him with the gun and my closed fist. He put his arms over his head to protect himself, to no avail. Bianca screamed for me to stop and after I slammed his head repeatedly against the dashboard I did. He was out by then slumped forward, head resting against the dash. Blood dripped slowly down onto the floor forming a small pool at his feet.

Bianca reached for him pulling his limp body close to her talking softly in his ear “it’s going to be okay, I promise you’re going to be okay.” She cradled him close and stared at me loathingly “You didn’t have to do that you bastard” she sobbed weakly “you got what you wanted we were coming home” she added fervently. Her insolence pissed me off; she knew exactly why I did it. You can’t fuck people around and expect them not to do anything about it.

“Like you know anything I want?” I roared wrenching Jon out of her arms and holding him against me so I could aim the gun at her. “Let me tell you what I want Bianca..... it’s simple really...... I want you to shut your stupid mouth..... And drive us the fuck home.” I finished keeping the barrel trained on her. “So stop your snivelling and drive” Her brown eyes widened as she shifted the truck into gear. Finally she understood, I realized, and for once in her life, she was doing what she was told.