My Dad

"Have you lost your mind?" He asked. "That is the most insane idea I have ever heard! Ever! In the entire history of the world and that is saying something!"
"What, seriously?" I replied incredulously.  I sat down stunned, clasping the armchair for support. I had been relying on him. If he didn't support me who would?
"Ok." He conceded. “But still the most stupid in a long time. I mean why on earth I would want to do that I have no idea?!” He shook his head and marched to the other side of the room. I knew that look. There was no way he was budging an inch on this one. I would have to employ every sisterly tactic I possessed.
"But he's ill Sam.” I whined, sounding like a two-year old and watching what effect it had on him. It had no effect I saw disgruntled. I didn’t know why I wanted this so badly. I just knew that I did.
“Just one visit." I pleaded. “We owe it to him.”
"No. We owe him nothing. All he's ever done has brought us trouble. You were only a little kid. You don't remember him. I do."
"Yes I do!" I declared wilfully bluffing.
Sam looked me directly into the face. “Do you?” he asked seriously. I flinched. It was like he had a book in my head.
“No.” I confessed. “No. I don’t. But that doesn't change anything. He’s still our dad.”
“No he isn’t.” Sam replied bluntly. “He lost that right a long time ago.”
“What did he do that was so bad?” I wondered out loud. “Why do you hate him so much?”
And then, looking back I remembered. I remembered cowering in a darkened room, raised voices, a drunken man leering towards me as I hid behind my brother. A huge fist coming down towards me. The pain when Mum disappeared and I got taken away. They all came back.
I shuddered at the memories and snapped back to reality. I may have been young but I could still remember. I still had nightmares. But he said he had changed. Perhaps he had. Maybe he had stopped drinking. After all anything was possible.
And I had to find out. With or without Sam’s help. Though even that grated against the bone.
“Fine.” I declared bravely. “If you won’t take me then I’ll go myself. I’ll walk if I have to!”
I must admit that I was nervous. I hadn't seen him in years.  I remembered him as a big monster, haunting my dreams and destroying my childhood. I was just glad that Sam was here.
"You don't have to do this." he reminded me. "We can get back into the car. Turn around and go home."

I took a deep breath and entered the room. He was there. But not how I remembered him.
He was old. Frail. Not the monster of my nightmares.
Time had changed him and somehow I knew that everything would work out OK after all.