This is what I look like.

I ain't no fuckin' saint, that's for damn sure.

I want to say it started when I was 16, but let's be real here, right? It started way, way before that. Hindsight is a bitch, ain't it?

My dad died about four years ago. I remember being little, I don't know, maybe four, and walking into his room. It had this smell. I didn't know what it was then, all I knew was that's what my dad smelled like. Looking back now, the smell that reminded me of him was marijuana.

Growing up, I was the fat kid. I was that girl that you made fun of in school, but you better believe I found a fuckin' way out of it. You know what I did? I found a kid fatter than me and joined in on the hate-spew. It worked, though. I made friends by being meaner than they were, and I pretended I didn't give a shit what they thought about me. I turned into a bully real fast, and as the other girls were getting pretty, I started stretching my ear lobes and wearing crazy clothes. Welcome to fifth grade.

In middle school, the bullying didn't stop, but luckily, I was pretty immune by then. I didn't worry about it too much, and I definitely didn't cry about it. I started finding people like me, you know, outcasts. The quiet ones, or the ones who were far too loud. People with funny hair cuts or clothes, girls who walked around acting gross so people would be scared. Those were my friends. I started dying my hair funny colors and shaving it into crazy patterns. I loved it there.

When I got to high school, it was a new fuckin' game, that's for sure. I didn't know where I fit in, and just got more and more weird. Of course, I found clothes that were crazy animal patterns, shaved my head into a mohawk, and started hanging out with the gay kids, the artists, the photographers, and the goths. I fit in well. Eventually though, I let my hair grow out and started hanging out with an older crowd, specifically, people from a different school. Older kids who didn't know who I was previously. I had big tits and I started smoking weed, and I guess that's why I had some guy chasing after me. His name was Geoff.