I have ruined me

I’ve tried everything
Nothing does well for me
Now momma thinks I’m weird
She doesn’t see me as her boy anymore
Why me, wish I could change
Why not my best friend?
I don’t feel the same?
Why do I see him attractive?
His lips, his eyes
Everything turns me on about him.
I don’t understand why I like the same sex?
I never understood, is this right?
Or maybe god wanted me like this
I’m worried about what dad will say?
Wondering if my brothers will love me anymore
Will I loose everyone?
I have ruined me