Discontinue use if...

Perspiring, he took off his hairpiece and stood there staring in to the bathroom mirror. He put his cell phone on speaker and listened to what seemed like long over extended lonely rings. Finally a voice.

“Hello?”

“What the hell did you do to me?”

“Who is this?”

“Doc, its Casey, Casey Lastrange, from Channel Three. You know, the weather guy.”

“Oh. What time is it?”

“Three or so.”

“Is there a cold front moving through that I need to know about?”

“What, yeah maybe early next week. Wait, no. That's not why I called. Doc, you remember my problem.”

“I think so, refresh my memory. I have a lot of patients.”

“You know that, eh, guy thing.”

“Are you referring to erectile dysfunction? Normally we refer to that as ED.”

“Doc, not so loud, I have you on speaker. My lady friend is asleep in the next room. That new prescription you gave me, that quick tab I just place on my tongue. Guaranteed to work, you said, in just thirty seconds, then wham, I'd be back to being a man.”

“How'd that work out for you?”

“The immediate results were sat-tis-fact-tory! I mean Doc, I don't know what to say, but I was like a teenager. Better than that, a teenager with experience. Know what I mean?”

“I am glad that it worked for you. However, most of my patients do not call me a three a.m. to give me results of their prescriptions. I do have office hours. Is that it or is there a point to this conversation?”

“Doc, no joke, what are some of the side effects? Do you remember? Off hand, do you remember?”

“They are listed on the paper insert that comes with the pills. Or you can get them from the web.”

“Doc, help me out here. I am in a hotel bathroom. I don't have that little insert. Who reads them anyway? And I do not have access to the internet. For cryin’ out loud, I’m in a hotel crapper.”

“All right let me get to my computer. You know I am billing you for this, right. I don't want any arguments from your business manager, do you hear me?”

“Yeah sure. Hold on for a second. My lady friend is calling me. I’ll be back to bed in a minute baby. Why don't you roll over and get some rest, because the second act is about to start.”

“Damn.”

“Damn what?”

“The list of side effects is quite lengthy. Why don't you describe for me what the problem is and I will check to see if I can,” a brief silence, “I prescribed this for you?”

“Doc, that ain't quite a vote of professional confidence.”

“Sorry, okay give me your issue.”

“Anything there about skin discoloration?”

“Hmm, let see. Ha-ha, why yes there is.”

“Doc?”

“They estimate that about one in two million, may see some skin discoloration.”

“Go on.”

“Yes, it says here that some patients in the original study group had issues with some tinges of blue or gray skin discoloration of the extremities and in some rare cases around the facial area. Once the medication was stopped, it took about eight hours for skin tones to return to normal.”

“Doc, my face is blue. Not any kind of light gray blue, but bright blue. I look like some kind of freakin smurf. I have to be on air in a couple of hours, it’s Groundhogs Day, the biggest broadcast of my professional career. What am I suppose to do, keep my scarf over my face for the entire broadcast? I am being picked up by the networks, on cable, on satellite TV, the damned Armed Forces Network! This is my ticket, my fifteen minutes! I can't miss this opportunity. Prescribe something Doc, you're good at that. Something that will turn my skin back to its normal all American weatherman ruddiness. Doc, I'm begging here.”

“Hold on, hold on. Calm down. It says here that most patients afflicted, covered the discolored areas with a foundation make up available in any drug store. Typically these types of side affects are just temporary. Don't sweat it. You can get the foundation at the hotel pharmacy and have your make up artist apply it. Eh, sit down.”

“Sit down? Doc, I'm in the bathroom.”

“Sit down!”

“Okay.”

“There is some indication that the skin discoloration may be permanent.”

“You hear that noise, Doc? That's me crying, sobbing like a little kid who just dropped his ice cream cone. You hear me, Doc?”

“Listen.”

“No, you listen, when I get through with you, I am going to own everything you have. Do you understand? You quack!”

“Hey idiot, you wanted to go the alternative medicine route. You weren't happy with the other medications. You begged me to find a way to get you this med. You do remember that don't you?”

A knock on the bathroom door.

“Occupied, honey.”

A weak female voice, “But I have to go.”

“Okay, okay, give me a minute.” Whispering in to his phone, “This isn't over yet, Doc. I am a mess, a physical, psychological mess. My attorneys are going to be lining up at your office in the morning to start taking lists of your personal assets. You quack.”

“Jokes on you Casey, you signed a release. The FDA required it.” The phone went dead.

“You son of a bitch.”

The door burst opened, “Honey, not now!”

“Oh my god! You, you're, you're b,b,b,b,b,..”

“Go ahead say it. I am aware of the situation.”

“You're bald! My god. You have, like, no hair! I told you I don't date bald men! And I’m not crazy about that blue face. What is that some kind of moisturizing mask? You’re a freak!”