Fade Away

“Someone call 911! Please! He’s dieing! Come on Max stay with me. Please! You cant die on me! Wake up. Please. I lo-“. Her words are shaky. I can hear the sadness in her voice. Her last words are faint, and the screams echoe in my head. The sirens and blue and red lights become faint , and the world from my eyes fade away. “No…You cant be gone…please…come back…”. Those words were the clearest ones I could remember from that night. The way she looked down at me, her long black hair covering her face as the tears stream down. Her voice desperate, in pain, pleading for help. All of that for me. Just when I thought my existence in the world has been erased, she came into my life. It was like a a broken mirror had been put back together by a small piece of glass that was left behind.

         November, 17th, 2011. Two days before my life had changed forever. I lay in my bed uneasy, no sleep, just bad memories. My wrists remind me of the past, the scars are the words and the blade is the narrator. I look at them everynight and the memories haunt my mind. I try not to think about it, but they follow me everywhere I go. I get up slowly from my bed and I look out my window. I notice that my fathers truck is gone, which means that my morning will be easier on me. The greyish white sky surrounds my old fragile house and the beams of light shine through the bathroom currtain. The beams line up with the ugly bruses on my body as I look in the mirror thinking about the dreadful stories behind them. My consentration is broken by the sound of my friend knocking on the door.

“Max. Are you in there? Come on your going to be late for school again.”

“I will be right out.” My response focused more on me putting on my grey zipp up hoodie and covering my skin as much as I can. I take one last look at myself and then I open up the door to see Daniel waiting at my front door.

“Don’t you get tired of coming to my house every morning just to make sure I don’t miss school? I mean, its my fault if I do.” I look at him as he gives me a small grin.

“Well I have to make sure that your still alive. And besides, its no fun if I don’t have someone to cheat off of during a test.” He watches me as I grab my bag and some pop tarts to eat on my way to school.

“I guess so, but im not the smartest kid in the world Daniel.” I try to walk past him but his arm blocks my way out the door. I could tell that from the look on his face he had seen a part of my scared wrist. I was right. He pulled up my sleeve in concern and gave me a look.

“Again?” He studied my bare wrist closley and then looked at me again.

“You promised me that you wouldn’t cut again Max.” His words strong.

“No, I said I will try not to. Thiers a difference.” I quickly pull down my sleeve and I walk out the door. I could hear the sound of the door slamming shut followed by angry footsteps. I knew I couldn’t get out of this that easily. I mean, Daniel has been my best friend since kindergarden and he has been looking out for me ever since then.

“Apparently you didn’t try hard enough!” His words are thrown at me hard. I could feel Daniels tight grasp on my shoulder that had spun me around to find the concern spread across his face.

“You cant keep doing this to yourself man!” His eyes filled with sorrow. I shot him a small grin and removed his hand from my shoulder.

“Alright. Next time I will try harder ok?” Daniel gives me a blank look as if he were staring at an unpainted wall.

“You said that the last time. What makes you thi-“ I cut off his words so that he doesn’t give me another lecture.

“I promise you. I wont do it again, and this time I do promise you.” His weird stare turns into a smile.

“Swear?” I start walking again, leaving him behind.

“Yes, I swear now come on.” I could see by the sun rising that I was already late for school. It didn’t matter though, almost everyone in my school is late. Even the teachers are sometimes late. The school looked small as usual, but when you get inside, its like your stepping into a royal castle. The main lobby is filled with students as usual, but I somehow manage to make my way through. I guess its not so hard for me because im one of the shorter kids in school, not to mention the skinniest. I finally get out of the crowd of students and I stand next to my locker looking at my phone so that it doesn’t look like im lost or something. Daniel’s locker is on the complete other side of the building so I never get a chance to see him in the halls. The only time I actully do get to see him is in algebra class or lunch. Other than that though, im on my own. The bell rang, and I made my way to first period. The day dragged along as usual and it was almost time for lunch. I couldn’t stand my teachers voice. It sounds like a mouse with rabbies is trying to teach class. I could tell by the looks on everyones faces that they are just as annoyed as I am. After being annoyed to death the bell finally rang. Everyone sprung up from their seats and took off with hungry faces. I wasn’t that excited mainly because the food here taste like molded cardboard. I made my way to lunch anyways and I set my bag next to Daniel’s. I wasn’t very hungry, so I just picked at some of Daniel’s food. The room was loud and very annoying so I decided to step out into the hallway. I got out my phone and sat down in the corner while struggling to put my tangled headphones in. The sound of my music was way better than the sound of obnoxious students. I sort of day dreamt as I got into the music, and I stared off into space. My eyes eventually met up with two students that seemed to be a couple. I studied the one guys face and saw that it wasn’t so friendly. I could only see the back of the girls head, but I assumed that her face wasn’t very cheerful either. I took out one of my earbuds out of curiosity and I listened to the loud exchange of words.

“Look at me when im talking to you!” I could see the guys face red with anger.

“Your worthless you know that?! Worthless!” I watched as the guy pushed her violently into the locker, knocking her down. Before anyone had seen what had just happened, the guy stormed off with a series of swear words. She laid there on her knees with her hands over her face. I could hear the sniffs in between her heavy breathing, and gasps for air. I got up from my spot in the corner and I looked her over.

“Are you ok?” I placed my hand gently on her shoulder trying to confort her. She looked up at me with teary eyes, and her masscara leads a trail down to her lips.

“Y-yes. Im fine. Thanks.” Her words soft as she wipes the masscara off her face as if nothing had happened.

“Are you sure?” I held out my hand to help her up. She looks at my hand and slowly runs her eyes up my arm. I could tell by the way she looked at me that she had seen some of my wrist. I ignored it. I watched as I helped her up, her height was short, her head only reaching the top of my shoulder.

“Thank you. I uh, I have to go now.” She wipes the remaining masscara from off her face and walks away quickly. I start walking away as well, but I get stopped by a hand on my shoulder. I turn around in confusion to see her standing in front of me.

“Im Elizabeth.” Her words shy.

“Im Max.” I smile as I look at her. The way she looked at me was so innocent, and sweet. I didn’t understand how a girl like her could be worthless. I thought about it all day from the time I saw her get shoved, to when the final bell rang at the end of the day. The thought was replaying in my head over and over. I still couldn’t put together the pieces on why that guy did that to her. My train of thought was broken by Daniel who had came up to me on my porch steps.

“Hey.” He looked me over, seeing that from the way I was sitting that I was thinking hard.

“Hey.” I sat with my legs bent down to the next set of steps, and my back slightly bent forward so that my elbows touched my knees.

“What made you leave lunch so early?”

“Wasn’t hungry.”

“Well that’s a first. Usually you’re the last one out.”

This was true. I would rather just stay seated at lunch until I was the last one out, that way I didn’t get trampled in the wild crowd of students. I guess by the time I got home I felt kind of hungry. I could hear my stomach rumbling, and from Daniels laughter I could tell that he had heard it too.

“Are you hungry now?” I sighed at his question.

“I guess.”

“Come on, lets go get something to eat downtown, Im buying.”

I didn’t want to refuse, after all the food downtown was way better than the gross school lunches. I nodded and we both got up without hesitation then started walking towards the busy streets of Philidelphia.

The lights shined bright in the city on our walk back from the Italian restraunt. My stomach felt as if it were going to explode. I couldn’t think of the last time I had a good meal that didn’t taste like cardboard. We arrived in front of my house exchanging our last few words of our random conversation.

“Thanks for the food man.”

“No problem bro, im just glad that I get to see a smile on your face for once.” He patted me on the shoulder and It reminded me of the times that we were younger, how he would always give me a good pat on the shoulder every time we spent time together.

“Well I got to get going. Remember what you promised me.” He gave me that serious look again.

“Yeah I know. See you later.” I waved Daniel goodbye and I made my way up the old wooden steps that lead to my front porch. I had just noticed that my dad’s truck is in the drive way, so I decided to take the back door instead. I got inside my house and the creeking of the door was the only noise in the house. I looked around and I didn’t see my father anywhere, just empty beer cans and used cigarettes. I went straight to my room trying to avoid where he might be at, but I stop in my doorway to see him sitting on my bed staring at the knife that layed by my bedside. His hand ran up and down the blade, and he studied it, the rest of his body remained still.

“Where were you?” His voice deep and stern.

I igored his question. “Just get out dad.” I could feel the tention begin to rise in the room. He looked up at me, his eyes baggy and his greyish black beard matching the dimmed lights that peaked through my window.

“Do you know why you have this? Because it seems to me that you have been using it the way it shouldn’t be used.” The words came out of his mouth slowly and he layed the knife back on my dresser.

“Let me see your wrists.” He got up and started walking towards me. I could feel my stomach drop and I backed up slowly.

“There’s nothing to see. Now please get out.” He stared at me for a second. I could see his face grow with anger.

“Your worthless!” The punch to the edge of my face was sharp, my stomach now hitting rock bottom. But the punch wasn’t the problem, it was what he just said to me. I felt my face starting to swell, and I saw a drip of blood fall to the ground. My mind was still stunned as I felt his big hand grasp my shirt. The impact from the wall behind me made my heart race, but the words were still running through my mind. “Your worthless! You know that worthless!” those were the same exact words that were thrown at Elizabeth.

“SHUT UP!!!” I grabbed the back off his shirt, tackling him down. His heavy breathing brushed against my ear as he slammed hard into the ground. My leg was straddled over his body and my fist was bunched up ready to swing. He looked at me with big eyes, expecting a face full of fist but instead I just got up to my feet still staring at him.

“Your not worth it.” I opened the back door and stepped out onto the back porch, slamming the door behind me. The cold breeze felt good against my face and I looked up at the stars. The night sky glimmered down on the city lights across the distance. I zipped up my coat and put in my headphones as I walked out onto the sidewalk. I could still hear my dad’s voice echoe in my head. “Your worthless!” I felt the side of my face and I wiped a spot of blood that had been sliding down the corner of my mouth. I walked around the city and I eventually reached the local park. I cut across the snow covered grass that lead to the middle of the park. I wiped off one of the benches and took a seat still thinking about what had just happened. I got lost in the music as usual and I closed my eyes, feeling the soft snowflakes melting on my face. The song ended and I waited for the next song to play. The silence between song changes was interrupted by faint screaming. I took out my headphones to hear if the noise was near me, and I looked around to see if anyone was nearby. On the other side of the park I saw a bright shine through the snowflakes which seemed to be car lights. I got up and started to walk around, slowly circling towards the commotion.

“That’s it, Im done with you! Get Out!” The car door slammed hard and the tires screeched loudly, which definetly caught my attention. I wasn’t sure what was going on, so I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. The car drove away and the night fell silent again. I looked at the direction the car had drove away from and I saw a dark figure out in the distance. I continued walking and as I got closer, I could see the figure more clearly.

“Is that?” The figure looked familiar. Long black hair, short, innocent…yeah, It looked very familiar.

“Elizabeth?” I put away my phone and looked at her with narrow eyes. She was holding her arms shivering with her short sleaved shirt and her worn cut skinny jeans. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight as she looked at me.

“Max? What are you doing here?” She was shaking out of coldness each time a wave of air connected to her body. I walked up to her taking off my hoody and I placed it over her shoulders.

“I was just taking a walk.” She looked at my hoody and felt it softly.

“Put it on, its freezing out here.” I nodded my head at my hoody and I watched as she put it on. The sleeves came past her hand, and one of my earbuds showed out of the front pocket.

“But wont you be cold?”

“No. Im used to this weather. Im always going on night walks.” She gave me that same shy smile like the one when I first met her. I wiped off another bench, and we both sat down next to each other.

“So what made you decide to walk out to the park without a jacket on?” I smirked at my own stupid remark.

“It wasn’t that I walked, I-“ I cut off her sentence knowing what had happened.

“It was your boyfriend again right?” She shot me a surprised look.

“Well, my ex-boyfriend yes. We broke up and he pushed me out of his car and I didn’t have a coat so, yeah.” I looked at her in concern.

“But why? What would make him so mad to keep hurting you like this?” She looked down, and I could see a tear start to form in both of her eyes.

“If he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets mad. I keep telling him no and he… he hits me. I was always afraid of breaking up with him because I didn’t want to get hurt again, or worse.” It took me a few seconds to adjust her words into my brain. I wiped her tears from her eyes and I looked at her.

“I wont let him hurt you anymore. Your safe now.” My words came out smoothly and she hugged me tightly. I could feel my heart race fast, but not the way it does when im with my dad. It was at a different pace, a feeling that I had never felt before. I looked at her and she smiled at me.

“I have a question. I was wondering since the school prom is tomorrow and since your single now, how would you like to be my date to the prom?” She was speechless. Her face was a blushy mess, but in a good way.

“I would love to! But I have a question too. Why are you being so nice to me?” I looked at her in the eyes and showed her my scar covered arms.

“Because your worth it.”