Multiple Annie

Hello, I’d like to introduce myself.  My name is Annie (Ralph) (Tessa) (Susie), I’m 32 years old (19) (16) (5) and I’m a multiple.  Have been most my life.  I won’t get into what caused it; I think we all know what causes most multiples to exist.  That’s right, abuse of the sexual kind.

Anyway, it really started causing me trouble in the third grade.  That’s where we learned our multiplication tables.  Only I didn’t.  Susie learned them in my place.  Then she left me to take the tests; which I quite naturally failed.  You see, when one of my multiples is “out”, “in control”, has “taken over”; then I’m quite literally not there.  I know nothing of what’s going on.  I’m not even aware that time has passed.  It’s like blinking my eyes and minutes, sometimes hours, hell sometimes weeks or months have passed by.  It’s very disconcerting.

It goes a little something like this:

Annie sees a young man approach her.
“Hi there.  Nice to see you again.”
“Er, yeah.  I’m sorry.  What was your name again?”
“It’s me.  Tom.  We’ve only gone out about a dozen times and now you don’t remember my name?  Come on, Tessa.”  The man frowns heavily, clearly insulted.
“Oh, yeah, Tom.  I’m sorry.  I’m having a brain dead day today.  Sorry.”
“So, would you like to go out tonight?” and his frown changed into an eager smile.
“Tonight?  I’m not sure.  Let me check my calendar and I’ll call you, okay?”
“Sure.  Be sure to call me.”
“I will.”
“Bye, Tess.”  He kissed me quickly only the lips, leaving me dumbfounded.

There are people I “know” without knowing them.

Of course the multiples have an advantage over me.  They remember everything I say and do; which will sometimes help as they keep my appointments for me.  Mostly, though, I’m irritated at the unfairness of it.

They pop out whenever I experience a trigger that sets them off.  Like burning wood, or a stranger touching me.  I’m loads of fun on a crowded bus.

“No, don’t touch!  Please don’t touch me!” Susie whimpers as she backs into a corner of the bus to hide.  Then Ralph will take over, standing tall and angry.

“Get back!” and there is fury in her (his) eyes.  He’s 19 and proud and furious and people move out of his way.

Susie is sometimes fun in an embarrassing kind of way.  When I go into a store, she sometimes finds her way to the toy department.  It’s quite awkward to suddenly find myself down on the floor playing with the dolls and other toys.  It’s even harder to explain it to the department manager.  “I’m sorry, sir.  I was testing the toys to see which one I should get for my niece.”  You’re right, that never goes over too well.

All in all, I know they’re there to protect me from the horrible memories I have blocked.  They’re doing a good job, too.  But I wonder…it can’t go on forever, can it?  Will I by 82 and still get down on the floor to play with dolls as Susie?  Or trying to pick up guys like Tessa.  Or even protecting all of us like Ralph does?  Somehow I can’t see it.  But I’m 32 and it hasn’t slowed down yet.  Where will I be ten years from now?  I wonder.