Infertility causes so much hurt |
This truth it will destroy you An August day While you sweep up rose petals On our Sun drenched porch You look at me from under heavy lashes You say it's ok You say it's ok You don't wish to be without me It's ok your always want me Your never stop And I bask in this glory Thanking God for you loving me As tears prick the back of my eyes So the hand squeezes a little tighter round my heart Until I am breathless with it In time There is a difference to us Making love is no longer rushed After I look at you, looking down at me But neither of us say it's pointless Your days a little darker A little longer Things a little more useless I know I did this As the truth picks away at your dreams one by one The hand around my heart squeezes a little tighter At Christmas we pretend we are still happy Completely in love Whilst in the garden with your sister the truth falls from me in retching sobs She says it's ok your get through this We both know she's lying Inside she's crying I had no right in making you love me So the hand squeezes a little tighter round my heart Somewhere along the way Anger rises The tension surprises us You begin to resent me Hate me for letting you love me And I am sorry I loved you when I shouldn't have Stayed a little too long Cared a little too much I needed this whatever it was So the hand squeezes a little tighter round my heart Invisibly I collect my possessions Storing them They lay in wait The courage comes at three in the morning On a Tuesday Silently I gather my things Wait by the window for a taxi The knowing erupted Watching you hold your new Godson Looking at me longingly thinking I can never give you this Tears glazing your eyes Looking so proudly It's wrong for me to keep you With me this is all your ever be A childless man I've always known this In your hallway You help with my bags saying nothing I will never be wife Never be mother Without you I'll never be anything Your say your always love me I know this But have to let you go I'm giving you a chance of what I can't give you The most precious thing A family So the hand squeezes a little tighter round my heart |