New Beginnings

So, this was the day.  New job.  Nervous?  You bet I was nervous.  I’d started new jobs before.  I’d started big jobs before but this was the biggest and I still had that lingering shred of self-doubt that muttered in my ear.  Was I up to this?  Would they figure out that I was a fraud?

I climbed out of bed and walked to the shower.  Jenny was still asleep.  How the hell did she manage to look so beautiful all the time?  What the hell was she doing with me?  There’s that self-doubt again.  Got to get that under control today.  Today of all days.  Can’t let the nerves show.

The shower feels good, hot, soothing. Tempted to put the radio on but there is only one thing going to dominate the news today.  Once every 4 years, like clockwork but I don’t want to hear any more about it than I have to.  So many news stations and talk-radio stations going on about one event.  I mean, how many different opinions can there be?  I showered in silence, letting the power if the water massage my neck and shoulder blades.  By the time I step out the windows and mirrors are steamed up and I’m transported from my luxury boutique hotel room to a Scandinavian sauna.  Glorious escape but quickly back to reality.  Brush teeth, shave, trim the nose hair, can’t believe I have to do that these days, I thought only old men did that.  I wiped the mirror and looked at myself.  I don’t look bad for 47.  Still got all my hair, ok it’s greying at the sides but that makes me look distinguished and serious, intelligent and dignified.  At least that’s what I have been told by people who care about things like image.  I suppose I have had to for the last year.  I towel dry my hair and walk back into the bedroom.

Jenny was sat up in the bed, pillows behind her for comfort.

“Morning Sweetie,” she said smiling, “January 20th.  Big day.”  I chuckled.

“Yeh, I suppose you could say that,” I grinned back at her, “I guess we have an hour or so before we have to go.  Breakfast?”

“I’ve already ordered it,” she said, “I didn’t think you’d want anything heavy so they are just bringing cereal and toast.”

“Perfect,” I said contentedly and sat on the edge of the bed.  It had been a long journey and although I had been given the job a couple of months ago, today was takeover day.  I took a big breath and let it out slowly.

“You’re nervous,” said Jenny, her hand stroked my back.  I turned slowly and looked into those deep blue eyes.

“I know I shouldn’t be, I mean, I’m the man they chose, right?”

“You sure are,” she smiled, nodding slowly, “And it’s not as though you are a totally new face.  You’ve been in this game for nearly 20 years in one capacity or another.  You’ve worked hard and made the sacrifices.”

“I just wonder…”my voice trailed off as my thoughts rushed on me like a tidal wave.  I suddenly felt nauseous.

“Darling, calm down,” said Jenny soothingly. She knelt up behind me and wrapped her arms around me, kissing my shoulder and neck, “You’ll be fine, you’ve been preparing for this day for a long time, you’ll be the best boss ever.”  I leaned back into her embrace, comfortable in her confidence in me and I thought about the day ahead.  I couldn’t help but smile.  Jenny couldn’t help but kiss me.

It wasn’t long before the phone started ringing.  I answered it a few times while Jenny was in the shower but I was trying to read the library of information that I needed for later that day.  I had never seen so many reports but this was going to be my life for the next few years at least.  One call was from Tony, my right-hand man.

“Everything set for today?” he asked.

“Shouldn’t you be telling me that?” I joked.

“I mean with you,” he laughed, “Suit picked out?  Everything ok with the speech?  You know the times and everything?”

“Jenny is sorting the suit along with what seems like an army of designers, I’ve changed a couple of things on the speech and yes, the car is picking me and Jen up at 10.30.”  I had rehearsed the schedule over and over so I knew it by heart.  Car pick up.  Reception at the office.  Meet the outgoing boss.  Meet the board and the people I answer to.  Give speech about my aims and goals.  Seemed simple enough.

Except that it was simple. It was anything but.  It was the most nerve-wracking, pant-soiling thing I would ever do.  With a bit of luck I would have to do it once more after this and then that would be it.  Retired.  Work for the Red Cross.  Open my own library in my home town.  Just be done with all of the nonsense.  Being told what to wear, what to say, how to say it.  He was fed up of so much of it already and it had barely begun. 

“It promises to be a big day,” said Tony.

“Is that supposed to be funny?” I asked chuckling, “A big day?  That’s like saying walking from coast to coast would be a nice little jaunt!”  Tony laughed.  It was good to hear because he could be so serious, sometimes too serious but it was his drive that got me here.  I knew it.  He knew it.  Hell, most people knew he was the brains behind the enterprise.  But he couldn’t have done it without me as much as I couldn’t have got here without him.  We were symbiotic. Joined. Inseparable.

“Look,” he started, “I just want to say one last thing to you.”

“More words of wisdom?” I asked smiling.

“I suppose,” he said, “As much as anything today, enjoy it.  For today the pressure is off.  This is the celebration, the hard work starts tomorrow.”

“Thanks Tony, I appreciate that,” I said, “I’ll see you there.”

“You will Ben” he answered, “and that‘s the last time I’ll call you that for a while.”

“Damn right, “I laughed, “You use the title like the rest from midday today.”

“See you later Ben.” I hung up and finished my coffee.  Jenny stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a brilliant white towel, tied just above her breasts with another wrapped around her head.

“Tony?” she asked.

“Who else?” I smirked, “Of all the days when he might not call, this was definitely not one of them.”

“I can’t imagine a day when the two of you don’t talk at least once on the phone,” she answered, removing the towel from her head and roughly drying her short red hair, “Hell, the day I bury you I expect to have to put a cell phone in the coffin with you!!”  I turned to the sports section of the paper to find out how the Patriots had managed to blow a 17 point lead while Jenny got herself ready.

The next couple of hours were a whirlwind of papers, phone calls, hand-shakes, greetings, goodbyes, good-lucks and a plethora of other things.  A thousand people talking at the same time to me, expecting me to take it all in, expecting me to react with the right answers when most of the time it was all I could do to even make out what they were saying.  By the time I climbed into the limousine for the final trip my head was spinning, aching, throbbing.  Jenny was sat smiling at me.  She had been by my side all day but I had barely had chance to notice her.  Was this how the next few years were going to be?  A blinding blizzard of people and me with a daily migraine not sure who I have said what to? 

“Here,” said Jenny handing me a bottle of sparkling water.  I took it and guzzled greedily, a couple of spots dropping onto the lapels of my dark blue jacket.  Her hand stretched out again and dropped a couple of aspirin into hand.  I swallowed them gratefully, hoping they would take effect in the 30 minutes before I had to make my speech.

“How you doin’, honey?” she said patting my knee.  I looked at her, knowing she was mocking me, her playful grin warming my heart.

“Oh, I’m fine,” I said, rubbing my eyes, “Listen, I was thinking about blowing this afternoon off.  Fancy going shopping?”  Even the driver laughed.  Jenny wiped the tears from her eyes, cursing me for ruining her make-up.

“I don’t think someone in your position is allowed to make jokes,” she giggled.

“Probably not,” I said, “but if making jokes is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.”  She laughed again, slapping my arm before reaching into her Louis Vuitton and pulled out a compact.  I looked out of the window, nerves building, a layer of sweat starting to develop on my back.  There were people lining the street, I almost felt like I should be waving to them or something.  They were obviously waiting for something.  A parade.  The return of a conquering hero.  Some naked lunatic wandering down Main Street.  The car made a couple of turns and then pulled in under an archway leading to the rear entrance, pulling to a stop at the foot of a few steps.  A few suits were milling around, no-one took any notice of the limo that had just pulled in.  They all seemed to be looking elsewhere, like they were deliberately ignoring us.  A guy could get a complex.  I suppose paranoia building at this stage of the job isn’t good, although I have to expect its arrival at some point during my tenure – apparently it has an inevitability normally only reserved for such things as the sun rising each day and Prince Phillip saying something ever so slightly racist next time he meets someone from a former colony.

Suddenly the door next to Jenny opened and a disembodied voice said “This way, ma’am.”  Jenny leaned over and kissed me, smiled and disappeared through the open door.

“I’ll see you up there,” she called back.  I sat there and closed my eyes.  Breathe.  In through the nose.  Out through the mouth. In.  Out.  Relax.  Try to supress the waves of nausea.  The headache was easing, thankfully.  I took another gulp of water and waited.  My door would open soon enough and then it would all start again.  I waited.  In through the nose.  Out through the mouth.  Build towards the start of it all.  The moment was coming, like a wave and just like Cnut knew when he ordered the waves back, there was nothing I could do about it.

The driver turned around to look at me.

“I know I’m not supposed to speak to my passengers but I just wanted to say good luck today Sir,” He smiled at me and turned back.  I smiled at the back of his head and nodded.  I wanted to say thank-you but I was suddenly choked up.  That one small moment, out of the hundreds and, dare I say it, thousands of inspirational moments over the last year, this one had got me.  My mouth moved up and down as I struggled to find the words but before I could my door opened and a voice said “It’s time Sir.”  I leaned forward and put my hand on the driver’s shoulder.  His eyes flicked to look in the mirror and we looked at each other for a few seconds.  A connection, no matter how small or short lived, is still a connection.  It stays with you.  I swear I could remember every hand I’d shaken in the last twelve months, every cheek I’d kissed, every shoulder I’d thrown an arm around and the names of every person who I had spoken to.  These are the connections that make us who we are, that get us to where we want to be. 

And look where I was now.  Look what I was about to do, what I was about to become.

The driver nodded at me and I smiled back.  No words needed.  An understanding.  A bond.

I climbed out of the car and walked towards the steps.  Tony was waiting with a few of the staff.  I nodded a quick ‘Hello’ and walked past, hurrying in out of the cold January air.  Tony was talking straight away about new policies, about new strategies, about obstacles we faced, a thousand miles an hour, I heard everything but heard nothing, nothing stuck.  I didn’t know where I was supposed to be going but doors kept opening and I assumed somebody would tell me if I had taken a wrong turning.  I glanced at my watch.  My father had left me this watch when he died.  It was my lucky watch.  People said I didn’t need luck but I felt I just needed a safety net sometimes.  Today was certainly sometimes.  We went up some marble steps, the noise of polished shoes on polished floor echoing around the acoustically superb stairwell.  It sounded like a 40’s tap dance troupe.  I have expected James Cagney to come dancing down towards us like he does at the end of “Yankee Doodle Dandy”.  Great film.  Must watch that later.

We walked through into a great hall, pillars lined the edge down to a doorway that led onto a balcony.  I could see Jenny there waiting, waving.  I held up a hand and stopped for a moment.  The horde of people following me all shuffled past and headed for the balcony.  Again, the tapping of shoes reverberating around like machine gun fire in a canyon.  Tony stayed with me.

“You ok, all set?” he asked.

“I think so,” I said, checking my pockets, looking for something that wasn’t there.

“Your speech is on the autocue,” he laughed.  I smiled back and breathed a big sigh.

“Ok then, this is it.”

“Final audition,” he said, “Nail this and we have a free run for at least 6 weeks.  Flop and we don’t get over the first hurdle.  No pressure.”

“Gee thanks,” I said.  I wanted to laugh but couldn’t.  Nerves had now dried up my throat completely.

“Here,” said Tony and pulled out a pewter hip flask, unscrewing the top and handing it to me, “Cognac”.  I lifted the flask to my lips and let some of the amber liquid slip down my throat.  The welcoming, warming sensation spread instantly through my chest and I grinned widely at Tony.

“Now that’s the stuff,” I said, “Now let me at ‘em!!”

“Wait for your cue first Popeye!” he laughed.  We looked at each other and hugged, then Tony nodded and without another word turned and walked towards Jenny, the open door and the balcony beyond.

Jenny was waiting for me.  I put my hands in my pocket and strolled towards her, trying to look cool, looking around at the architecture and the paintings.  She smiled like a mother smiles at a small child.  I love her so much.

“I have to go out now,” she said, “They’ll be calling my name to introduce me in a few seconds.”  She grabbed the lapels of my jacket and pulled me towards her, kissing me firmly.  I physically felt my heart quicken and my stomach turn over, the way it did on our first date, our first kiss.  How could she still make me feel like a blundering teenager with a crush after all these years.

“You be great out there!” she said and loving straightened my jacket and tie.  A tannoyed voice called her name, I could hear some applause and she was gone.

And I was alone.

For the first time in over a year, I was alone.

I probably wouldn’t be alone again for another 4 years at least.  I took a deep breath and prepared myself.  The tannoyed voice sounded again.  My heart skipped again, I gulped, clasped my hands together and held my breath…

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Adam Reeves, the next President of these United States”.