Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3





It’s 7:10 in the morning. Baby Girl just caught her bus to school. Miss Thang is home getting ready to catch her bus that will come in about an hour or so. I’m standing at my bus stop waiting for the bus so I can go to work. Work. Not a career. Not my life long ambition. Just work. I’m the window girl, remember? This isn’t my first job in the fast food biz. I had a similar job several years ago when I was in college. Well not just similar. The same exact job. Just different time and location. Same bullshit. And yes, I was in college. I started right after high school. I started at the community college in my home town. I live in Florida by the way. I was aiming for the RN program. Every since I could remember I wanted to be a nurse. I’ve always wanted to help people. I had completed all my basic classes, except the required math. Once I took and passed that course, I was ready for the program. But then, a funny thing happened….



I fell in love. I fell head over heels in love. I loved him unconditionally. I loved him with my whole heart and soul. I loved him more than I love myself. But there was a problem. He didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t come to the realization of this until after we were married and I was pregnant with Baby Girl. (Miss Thang was born when I was 16 and in the 10th grade. That is a totally different story to be told at another date and time.) Mr. Husband walked out when I was 7 months pregnant. I hadn’t finished college, so I had no degree. I followed him around being his “help mate”. I had no job of my own. I didn’t have my own income. So when he left I was alone with two little girls, no job, no future. Nothing.

I had to start from scratch. So the fast food biz was the answer. It’s been 7 or 8 years. I’m still here. I never got a chance to go back to school. Well I tried but it didn’t work out. There was a setback. There’s always a setback. I’m not a manager. Not even close. Just a crew person. Standing at the bus stop waiting on the bus to take me to work….





…”Alright, good job Regina. Now that’s the way to move a drive thru.”
Wow!!! I’m actually having a real good morning. My head is clear, I’m thinking straight and Ms. Boss Lady isn’t yelling at me. I proved to her, and to myself, that I can do this. Regina is back baby!!
“Ok Regina, clean up your station and then go ahead and take your break. You deserve it.”
“Yes ma’am. And thank you for the compliment. It makes me feel good.”
She winks at me and walks toward her office. I made her proud. I know your asking, “so whats the big deal? All you did was do the job you were told to do.”
This much is true. But when you have as many failures and downfalls as I have had, even the smallest of accomplishments mean a lot.

Well, I’m on break now. I’ve eaten already. Good food by the way. Or I was just really hungry, since I skipped dinner last night. Either way I’m full and content…..Oh SHIT!!!!!! Its starting. Here it comes. Oh God why now? Why did this have to start now? Unbearable pain. Pain that’s so great, there arent enough words in the English language to describe it. I cant go back to work feeling like this. I wouldn’t be able to function. But if I “deal” with it in my own “special” way, I’ll get all cloudy in the head again. Things take a turn for the worse when I’m “cloudy”. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. So damn it, I’m gonna do it.
How much should I take? Whatever can “fix” me in the next 8 minutes. I gotta be back to work in 8 minutes…


….”Regina!!! Wake up!!! Your orders are right here. Hand them out please.”
“I will. I just gotta get this ice coffee and chocolate shake for order #53.”
“Order 53? Regina, we already made that order. Its long gone. It went out the back window 5 minutes ago. Where is your head at?”

That’s a good question Ms. Boss Lady. Where is my head at? I don’t know. I’m dizzy. I’m confused. I’m sweating and nauseous. I fucked up. Big time. I went overboard in the break room earlier and now I’m paying for it. And I got 2 ½ more hours left in this place. I don’t think I’m gonna make it.

“Drive thru times are shot to hell Regina. Put some pep in your step and lets move! You were rockin it earlier today, Now you’re falling apart on me. Come on, we gotta do better than this. You need to be consistent.”
“Look I’m sorry. I don’t feel good…”
I don’t wanna hear it Regina. Theres always something with you.”
“Well you asked what was wrong so I’m telling you. I DON’T FEEL GOOD!!!”

Whoa!! Where did that come from? I don’t normally lose my temper. That’s not me. Maybe I’m reacting to the…

“Who do you think you’re talking to? Remember I’m your superior.
“I think I’m talking to you and you can take you superiority and stick it!!”
Whoa!! Was that me again? I really shouldn’t have said that. What has gotten into me?
Oh yeah. I had a little help from…

“Regina, clock out and get the hell out of my store!!!!

“Fine. You were getting on my nerves anyway.”

So I grab my things. I walk out the door. I make my way across the street to the bus stop. For the first time in the seven years I’ve been with the company, I was sent home early for insubordination and downright rudeness. First time in seven years. This is surreal. It’s like I’m dreaming. I wish I was dreaming. Because facing the reality of what I’ve become scares me.