Brian H: Pussy and Awesome.

Brian H: Pussy and Awesome

By Maynika Webb

Brian was the love of my life, cliché, however; true. He is a total pussy and can't handle anything, even romotely stressful to the average American citizen. He would just sit up in his tower, also known as he studio loft apartment that's three flights up and over hangs the parking lot. I lived in a hole, my basement apartment with boiler room next door. He prince, me troll.
Brian is witty, clever, alluring, awkward and a total pussy. He knows it as well, he will speak of his proclaimed pussy-hood in a self knowing way. He speaks of it without pride or shame, just a matter of fact.
I would have to be careful of what I said around him, I couldn't say I liked him or cared about him; or he would get tense. He would shutter and have a quiet freak out. However, we could name our children and plan a out of state move, after one alcoholic beverage.
When I told him I loved him, he freakes out, hardcore and we haven't spoken much since. A few awkward text messages for three months after, but that's it. When we did have our big blow out, he informed me that he thought of the future a million different ways and I was in enough verisons to warrant notice. He thought about us in the future, together. I was touched and it made my mistake of telling him my feelings hurt even worse.
I've written many pieces about Brian, that's how I worked through the majority of my feelings after our break up. I moved on at a steady pace, but I always thought and still think about seeing him again. Day dreams and fantasies fill my head, though they have changed over time. He is still in them, I may have other men in my head and be thinking about who I would choose or how a situation would work out between all of us. Or me kicking the crap out of him, but he's there.
The time we were together was interesting, it was the most vulcan relationship two humans who weren't fictional characters could have. I randomly get sentimental when it comes to Brian. When our would be one year anniversary came around. I tried not to think about him, it didn't work. Though, I didn't get as emotional as I thought I would. I wondered if Brian thought about me during those days. The day we started talking and the first time we met in person. Those days were one week apart, yes, we met online.
I barely ever had to explain my reasoning to him, because he already knew where I was coming from. It got to the point where we hardly needed to speak to each other. When we had our falling out we talked to each other a lot for about a day. I told him I loved him five years too soon and he freaked out.As in we were romantically in tangled in his thoughts. that made him hurl, mentally
He also told me he thought I would be a good mom, we talked about how we might raise our children and of course name them like I mentioned earlier. He informed me on Christmas eve that I fufilled many fantasies for him. Yes, we spent Christmas eve and new year's together. We evolved from friends with benefits to dating and he didn't notice, or at the very least want to admit it to himself.
When Thanksgiving rolled around he spoke to me again, we had a whole conversation. We picked up right where we left off. He even spoke about us in present tense. Which of course I was thrilled about. It was fucking amazing. It meant that we weren't over, it would take a long time to get where we use to be. However, he still thought about me and I was still in his life in a small way.
I miss him terribly each day. I know that neither of us would up root our lives for each other now. But, we would fold each other back into our lives and see where that went.
Damn him for looking so sexy while he smoked his cigarette. Unhealthy way to look amazing.
To sum it up. I love my pussy and my pussy unknowingly loves me back. Pussies, such fickle things.