A while ago

Erm. I feel weak. I feel very weak. I have been weaker but this is a different weak.
I have been receiving signs again. Not the good kind.
I can't control myself. I promised I wouldn't. I have to.. It's the only way. Call me suicidal if you must.
I miss the heat; the warmth that is. I miss the feeling like how I did. I don't like this. Not one bit.
I have been staying up every night, not those beautiful nights you have of-course. I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know how to sense things. I think I've lost it. All my sense that is. I don't know how to hate, how to love, how to be happy, how to be sad and, most importantly.. How to be me!
I don't know myself anymore. At times I'm blinded by love. At times I hate the fact that I'm here; not only in 'this' city but, also the planet.
If only incident July had worked. If only I had overdosed. If only I locked myself up, just for that thirty minutes. If only people would let me be. For there in my own world was all I could see.
At this point, I feel it's wrong to say, "I'm heartbroken." So I won't say it..