I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

                                          I CAN’T MAKE THIS UP!!



            I was working in the library last Sunday and had the following  conversation with another inmate.

              “I need a book,” he says to me.

            “Okay, what’s the title or subject?” I ask.

            “I don’t know.”

            I blinked at him, already knowing where this was headed.

              “What’s it about?

              “Animals.”

            Sigh. “What kind of animals?”

         “Um,” he pauses, thinking hard . Mammals.”

            I lean my head against the bookshelf, really  fighting the urge to bang it in frustration.

         “Can you be a little more specific?”          

         “Land Mammals,” he says helpfully.

            At this point the guy in line behind him starts to snicker.          

         “So, are you looking for domesticated or wild animals?”

         “Yes.”

            Fighting back another sigh of disbelief I look at the shelf next to me. “I’ve got books on dogs and horses. Are you interested in either of those?”

         “Are they mammals?”

         “Yeah, pretty sure they are.”

         “Okay”

            So I grab a few, including the great book by Temple Grandin, “Why Animals Make Us Human”, and turn to the next person.

         “How about that one?” My brain-dead patron asks before losing my attentions. “What’s that one about?”

            I turn and look at the book, Everything you Ever Wanted to Know About Cats, “This one?”

         “Yeah. Can you tell me what it’s about?”

            I blink. Then blink again, seriously thinking he’s kidding, then sigh realizing he’s not. “Cats,” I say dryly.

         “Are they mammals?”

            My answer was out of my mouth before I could stop myself, “Nope they’re marsupials.”

         “Oh, okay then.” And he leaves the counter happily.

            I’ve decided that this is where they put the people either too normal or too stupid to survive in a real Federal Prison. At least for the sake of my faith in human intelligence, I hope that’s the case. If not I am shocked that any crime ever succeeds!! And I weep for our education system…and cats.