Green Abyss

Well I was standing in the corner of my room looking out of my window with an anguish grimace that why wasn't i able to undo this moment since he left me??I let my hands into my sweat pants pocket remembering the way he teases me when i walk half naked on the kitchen like i was not gonna be noticed by him,secretly wishing and wanting him to see me. The tick tock of my clock was the only sound i could hear loud in my hallway with a sarcastic smile which insists the fact i am left alone here in this murky world.With my eyes rolling back to the past, my heart wanting , to live those moments again, i pick up the broken porcelain and looking at our pictures together in it, which is cracked into pieces. I wiped my tears with my one hand, never stopping to pick up the pieces and busy on getting them back with my super strong glue.It was quarter past nine, still i heard no horn sound, i heard no bell ringing, i heard no whistling in my stair case, it was like i was left in some ape world alone with no human being to back me. I opened my doors every half an hour thinking he may show up, i know i was stupid....The worst thing in world is not waiting but waiting without knowing whether its worth to wait or not?I hate him for making me feel so clueless, still i love him for making me believe in something that neither has a possibility nor a hope on purpose of doing so.I have never been so irresistible for anything, the desire of wanting him was so inevitable than any other cold night, the need of him in this hour was so unconfined. I truly believed the more i fight with him i tend to fall in love more deeper than before and it makes me feel like i want him more.I was like a bag of emotions thinking how did i let him walk past the door or how am i sitting near the same door thinking to welcome him with a kiss like nothing ever happened. Everything was on probability since he left me.I go crossed our room, which was perfectly set for the unkind cold night for us to lay back together, with our favorite movie running in medium sound, me whispering in his ears how i felt when we saw the movie which defined how we fell in love..... I remember the very first movie with him in this same room, i dressed up in my pink shorts and as usual he started teasing me about how kiddo i look like, with a coyish smile on my lips i grovelled near him with a naughty look lighting up in my eyes, transferring to his seductive eyes that repertories with my femininity easing it so soothingly, i went near him and told ''lets get started'' he replied with an erotic smile
'' absolutely''I then looked at him and told '' i meant the movie''He replied '' i know you meant the movie, because we don't say start to anything other than to this''I remember after he told me that , i fell down and laughing hard, he knew how to make me smile, shy, turned on and sad too..He pulled me up from the ground and held me close to his chest and played out our favourite movie ''p.s i love you''I think i drenched him with my tears, every time when i spilled a tear drop he kissed my forehead , i know he would have understood me and his kiss acknowledged my feelings.We had such a wonderful connection that could talk even without words, i pressed his hands near my face and wondered if at all it wasn't him  here i wouldn't have been so like me now. i wish even my brain has a part of my heart and my heart has a part of my brain..... love makes me feel so elatedWith his warm hands holding my waist tight and wrapping me into his  masculine arms i felt so secured and in love once again, he told me '' good night baby''(kissing my lips gently)I almost dozed with a slight ''hmmmm baby'' and fell back into his cozy chest.
we were the couple who were excessively in love and so much crazy on one another. living those moments was greater than dreams but dreaming those moments again is worse than hell.
i have always wanted to be in harmony with him, he was one guy who cannot stand my madness even for a minute.. we were having a beautiful life like the movies of 60's.

the way we fell in love was the most exotic thing i have known in my entire life, i was a freelance writer, my writings always get reviewed by the team that works down  the town, Veron was with the publication team, i never knew he had been reading my writings closely, it was indeed proud moment to know that he liked my work as a publication editor he would have seen some extremely talented works, i always considered myself as an amateur with little experience that is extracted from my life so his review and and close look made me feel genuinely haughty...

later that day i received a written note with no name on the label which is as follows

''hey Serena , well I must tell you are a wonderful writer who has the talent to captivate good minds, that tells I am one of them, i have been closely reading your recent novel ''lucid love'' which  perfectly portraits the relationship after marriage with lots of repulsion and flavor of love and uncontrollable desire for one another. the sudden outburst in emotions, made me feel you will be a perfect wife for any man... the delusion that sprouts when the couples fight with no reason behind and the pacification gives  millions of reasons to fight again and make the night worth the awake. i loved the way you expressed the love making between them which never created an ugly grimace on my face thinking thats the success of a writer, as you could portray whats beautiful as even more beautiful.. i truly believe you are a beautiful women too.. i would like to meet you, don't be surprised as I am asking you out, meeting me will make you no less than a writer i promise that.. well I am not a stranger but i would like to keep it still till i meet you.. if you are feeling comfortable i shall meet in ''crusade cafe'' near the parkway , i hope the place is very familiar to you.. on saturday evening 7 p.m, with your presence my evening shall be adorned.. take care.. by your ''secret admirer''

this letter made me feel very strange, i felt very much allured by him, i haven't seen him, i know nothing about but i swear i was more awaiting saturday than him to  be honest,i read the letter million times something was attractive, something was very elfin and something was seriously happening inside me... i always believed anything is possible in life and i never strangled my presence for anything and i always let it flow, so i thought i can meet this ''secret admirer'' for more personal reason i liked him too..

i got call from the publication and it was a very soothing voice on the other hand '' is it miss. Serena speaking?

i told ''yes it is, may i know who is this?

''well Serena, this is Veron the editor from the publication team, how are you? can i have few minutes of your time?

''oh sure Mr.Veron go ahead I am more pleased by your call''

'' thats great serena, well would you like to visit our publication on saturday we have a discussion about you new story, we believe your presence would greet the occasion more worth, the publication is more happy to invite for you this personally as we all are very pleased by your upcoming story which is a wonderful job i must say, what you have to say on this please?

(after few minutes of silence with hmmm , ahh ahh ,, uhmmmm) i asked him '' may i know what time am i expected to be there?

''we usually wrap our day by 6 pm on the weekends, so we have decided it to be at half past six, would that be fine serena?

(widened my eyes) ''uhhhh half past six.. well Veron i have an important meeting on saturday evening around the same time I am afraid i have to attend that and your call was so unexpected so i have already planned it on this weekend, I am so unpleased to give you such reason for my own purpose but yes i have to be honest, i really need to go to that meeting, is there any chance i can attend the meeting later that night probably like a treat of mine to your publication and an apology for postponing the beautiful occasion? if so I would really feel excited''

''ohh well i can understand you Miss, so have it your way, we are more happy to be treated by you, we just need to give a word from publication for your dedication and contribution, can you confirm me the timings on saturday by latest friday, so that we can have it planned well in advance?

''absolutely i shall call you on friday, thank you for beautiful invitation, I am so honoured''

''we are more pleased serena, you have a great day, will be expecting your call, bye''

''sure, you too... bye''

i was very happy after that call bit strange that i chose to meet a stranger instead of my publication meet, i thought i must be stupid but really i was more excited to meet that guy and know who it is, i was more cynical thinking what if it was someone playing prank on me?? well who will knows what is gonna happen but i shouldn't regret for not meeting him if he was really honest, so i decided to take a chance on it.

i rang on friday and told them i will be meeting the publication team at half past eight at the ''grandine'' for dinner

it was a wonderful saturday, the first thing that came to my mind was meeting that fellow, i have never been so restless and constantly thinking about someone whom i actually  have no idea about. that was absolutely creepy to myself.

i started digging my wardrobe for my dresses, i was like more enthralled like its a real date, i said to myself '' calm down serena, its just a stranger don't fall off from the cliff''
i picked my purple knitwear with floral prints and my black wedges.
it was 4 pm i ran into my room like i was running out of oxygen and i started getting ready forever... ohh yess I am  a girl.... no wonder i said to myself...


half past six i left to the ''crusade cafe'' i was much earlier because of my anxiety towards that unknown man who actually impressed me already,  as he made me do something which i haven't done before... it was like a little adventure of tom sawyer ..
i sat on the corner of the shop, i felt so alien as the place was filled with couples who were looking at each others eyes and were having silent conversation, i really thought i should have come at 7 pm..
i was constantly looking at the door, i saw a tall man with little beard opened the door he was quiet scary, i prayed ''god tell me its not him''
thank god it was not him, then i saw an old man who was perfectly dressed for the first date, i thought ''ok serena you are dead''
he came near me '' hello dear ''
i think i had a cardiac arrest but hmmm well i thought ok i have impressed an elderly citizen and told him '' yes sir''
''dear girl is the seats over here are already reserved ? i need to bring my wife here for her birthday this place is very much with young couples i believe she will like it''
(long breathe with little giggle) oh yes sir you really can bring her down here, there is no reservation just come down with your women make sure its not crowded like today''
''oh yes my dear, thank you''

i was literally choking inside.. so i started feeling frustrated now for waiting for that unknown man and felt like a fool..
i gazed the entire shop once, i thought i was the only one alone, but there was a guy, tall, slim and fit, long face, spiked hair, ear phones, dark deep eyes, no smile on lips pretty serious, who knows may be he was waiting for someone like a fool like me... but i must say he was hot.. uhh i mean he was good.. he was really good.. i was looking at him for a while and i think he saw me.. i turned back suddenly with an embarrassment..
he had that serious look thinking ''why is this female  starring at me, may be he would walk down to me and tell, hey girl look i have a girlfriend ''
but he had that most luring , big dark brown eyes, i have hardly seen a guy with big eyes in this town, i was carried away for few minutes in this thoughts, then i realized I am still starring at him which is not a good sign to me,i shifted my eyes towards the door.. i saw none nearby.. i thought ''yes you are fooled for the day''
time was quarter past seven, i think i have waited too long and i must leave soon..
but i wondered why that smart guy across my table was still sitting alone.. well i was unable to stop being anxious about everything...
for wasting my time i thought i need to have at least coffee for occupying their space for such a long time.. i ordered a coffee.. yaa i know the waitress would have thought what a pain I must be for ordering after hours and just a coffee.. well see i am helpless sweetheart..

i lowered my head and started texting my friend about the disastrous saturday evening, she was like '' damn you went without me, so how is that guy across your table smart huh?
i told her ''indeed he is, but i think he is more like me waiting for someone who hasn't showed up still''
the conversation went on and i realized that fellow was looking at me, i mean not starring but it was way more lovely and cute.. he smiled..
i was like...(what???)(confused)
shouldn't he supposed to wait for his girl.. i didn't exactly smile but i just showed some reaction...

my coffee came.. i thought i really need to windup soon.. because this guy is constantly looking at me which is quiet unusual to feel..(i liked it though.. but  I am supposed to wait for that strange guy)
i started sipping my coffee slowly, very very strange the guy is still looking at me and he was very comfortable and he even turned his chair towards me.. i know.. he was hitting on me.. errrrr what am i supposed to do now...
i finished my coffee as fast as i can... i paid the girl.. i took my wallet and hand bag and moved my chair back and stood up.. i saw that guy and he stood up and started walking towards me.. i thought ''ok whats happening now''

he came near my table.. ''so are you starting?
i was confused and he is totally a stranger.. why should i even answer him.. well actually i want too.. but girls never do what they think or say.. I am not an exception..
i starred at him '' excuse me.. do i know you.. why are you staking me''

he then told ''you waited for a stranger who never came but won't you sit down for the stranger whom you looked for past twenty minutes?
i was zapped '' what?? how do you know i was waiting for someone.. precisely a stranger?

''well to answer your question serena i am that stranger whom you were waiting for so long, the most beautiful thing i have ever felt in my life was the little faith you had on a stranger like me and waited so patiently, i think thats where i fell in love with you (smiling so lovely)

(did i just hear that)''what? excuse me.. i don't even know you i just came to see who was that so called secret admirer.. well look yes i was very anxious because i haven't done anything more or less like this in my life ever before, so that can't be the reason for falling in love Mr...... hmmm stranger.. see i don't even know your name...

''haha not knowing my name is the problem to fall in love with me, serena.. i know you like me... i certainly know you will love me too.. i just told you i love you, i didn't ask you to love me back, you are a wonderful women, you deserve the best... i don't know how far I am best but i know I am not bad  at least.. i must tell you, you look really beautiful you have wonderful expressive eyes i have ever seen, like the eyes you explain in your book.. and are you always this anxious about everything?

i was seriously confused by this man now he knows my name, he knows how i write.. and he talks about my eyes because thats seriously impressing me.. im liking him too much than i thought... he is too causal and calm.. he was not in haste, he had that stable cute smile all over...
''uhmm not really.. i am not that anxious for everything, and thanks for your compliment(blushing) so at least now can i know why do you wanted to meet me and awfully made me wait in this third planet''

''i love you ,thats why''

(eyes open wide) are you joking Mr.stranger? well this game has to end now, because i have a better work later tonight,i cant accept your love now as i know nothing about you.. now can i leave?

''i completely understand serena.. you are being honest, well will you accept me if you know me who i am? now you have to be really honest

''i will be honest no matter what, love can't be made, it has to happen, if it does i shall write you Mr.stranger..(i think  i was lying my eyes started shuttering, i liked him very much, i know he was right, i was falling for him, but i cant take it this fast, so i need to be slow) so i will leave now..

''heyy beautiful girl i have you.. i really do... I am gonna make you mine , now you may go... but i shall see you soon.. i mean very soon''(winked at me)

i started walking with full excitement, confusion, amazement and what not.. i fell out of words for the first time.. I am liking this guy... i wish i stayed there for  a while.. oh no  i cant ... Mr.veron might really feel bad if i delayed further, i rushed to the ''Grandine''
it was a very quiet hotel, grand as the name, i entered the reception asked for the dining hall, they took me inside the grand dine hall....

i saw the publication team seated near the corner table, they were twelve of them, i was mostly looking out for Mr.veron who actually called me for this, i went near the table and they all stood up and smiled and started shaking hands with me one by one.. they introduced themselves too..
i then asked ''where is Mr.veron? i am more eager to talk to him... he made this happen..
one of them answered ''oh yes he went to the reception looking out for you, he will be here  soon''

i turned my head towards the door, i saw somebody with white shirt and blue jean neatly dressed coming in a long distance... the glasses were not giving the clear view of the man's face...
when the door opened....

''omg.. what is this guy doing here??did he just follow me? oh my god what am i gonna do? people over here may think i am a freak to have postponed their meet for a stranger like him, i was completely freaking as the guy came closer...i almost closed my eyes..

one of the fellow said heyy veron , serena is already here, where have you been??

i raised my head as fast as i can( what???????)(freaked to death)
veron???

''yeah thats me'' said the voice..

''uhmmm... haa.. Mr.veron.. well heyy helloo( i am sounding like a moron i think, people may doubt Am i the writer who is called here for an appreciation, stop shuddering)
he held my palm so firmly with that same charming,attractive and definitely sexy smile with a deep look on to my eyes

''hello serena, I am Veron.. did i surprise you??
 
(smiling and blushing) well yes veron you really did, so i think i shall have a word with you later when we leave, do you mind driving me back home?

''absolutely Miss beautiful serena, im more pleasured, you really know what i mean, now don't you think everybody is looking at us awkwardly and we should really leave our hands and settle down with them''

(blushing heavily)i certainly feel the same...
we sat  down and everybody started talking and asking me about my interest towards writing and inspiration.. but no one noticed veron was just looking at me(obviously everyone was looking at me, but his look was different is what i mean)
with his lip curling down and fingers near his lips, slight sexy smile hiding near his curled lips was certainly making me fly out of space and see the moon and stars.. i was answering everyone but i have no idea what i was talking.. i think thats when i fell in love with him...

we had a wonderful dinner, they showed me few of the upcoming works from their publication and an article by veron(so he can write too)
i gazed few pages and unable to stop myself from looking at his eyes(i hope nobody sees me starring him, like i haven't seen a guy)

the dinner ended... everyone shook hands and got my number, few told they will mail me and few told they will ring me, veron was just standing beside me quietly smiling(god  knows whats was on his mind)
we started walking towards the parking, there was absolute silence..
then he started ''so you seemed very tensed''
''of course i was, i never expected you Mr.stranger turned veron''
''ha ha ah ah i know that was just to make sure i see you before you see me, i have seen your pictures in your articles, i personally wanted to make sure that they were not plastic surgeries magic, im just kidding.... you really look beautiful serena.. i haven't seen anything more beautiful than your little eyes and tulle lips.. you impressed me with your pen and now with the sword like  lens inside the black and white bars that keeps moving...you are such a belle women, You think Am i flirting with you??(laughing)

''ha ha ha no no, i think you are really successful in what you told me earlier in the cafe shop(blushing)
(opens the car door)
do you know where i stay?(before i complete)

''26 park street'' said veron
''omg were you following me by any chance, tell me you didn't look at me in my sweat pants walking on my balcony''

''ha ha not really but i have seen you with a sexy black coat and tip toe heels, walking on the streets like a bird that is dressed for a red carpet..
i rarely admire a women so much.. may be you are too good in portraying  a man in your books i fell for you then...

i was quiet.. so ''veron was that all you did was to impress me or to make me yours?i asked him
''what do you think''?he replied

''i prefer the latter'' i said

''would you believe if i say i preferred the same too?
i was quiet again.......

''you don't like me, don't tell me yes i know you like me''

i lifted my head up... ''no you are wrong, you think i just like you?? i imagined you know more about what i feel for you''

you are a clever women i know... i just believed in you very much because i know you love me like i do.. i felt that beautiful vibration between you and me for the first time when you entered the cafe shop.. it was like the first breeze of the spring you walked in so gracefully, i was in that shop since six..i wanted to see you so badly and i was more anxious than you can imagine..
i saw every moves of your eyes, every bang you did on the table, every bite on your lips after a disappointment of not being able to see me,you look beautiful when you get furious.. i saw your cheeks been pink and red often.. was it the mixture of blushing while seeing me and anger of not seeing your stranger?? i fell in love deeper every minute that passed by.. my heart pounded to make you mine and have you in arms forever and i started dreaming since then... i know i may sound stupid, senseless and quiet fast but i swear i really can't wait to hold your hands and walk on the streets with a feeling that you are all mine, will you give me that honor?
 
I was rather overwhelmed by the way he described how he admired me.. i felt exotic ... the feeling i had all the while when i was listening to him was miraculous.. it was extremely exquisite and he made me travel along with his dream i think i really have fallen for him way more than what i actually planned.. i looked into his eyes, i never denied nor revoked but he would have known it by then.....

there was some silence and he often looked at me, i was all blushing with same smile like him, he dropped me in my gate way, i asked him to come home if he is not too late.. he happily accepted my offer...

i made some coffee for both i know it was not the time for coffee but what choice do i have?
we went to my balcony with our coffee, the wind was heavy that day, my hair was uncontrollably dancing, he just smiled and said you have nice long black hair..
tell me whats not nice in me please, since two hours i have been hearing whats good in me i said(smiling)
well in that case you must accuse your mother for not making even a tiny mistake as far as i can find(laughing)
he slided my hair at the back of my ear slowly (with little hesitation)

i stood still(well what should i do now?)
he continued to lay back my hair slowly touching my cheeks(curled lips)
i completely closed my eyes and lowered my head
''ahemmmm what am i supposed to do now? kiss you? he asked

i opened my eyes laughed and told him'' may be''
i looked into his...
wind buzzing our ears strongly and feeling colder, he kissed my forehead so gently and hugged me.. i buried my face in his chest and closed my eyes
''will you be mine forever??he asked me
''am i not already'' i told him

he lifted my chin up and kissed my lips..
the warmth of his lips burnt the cold outside and i felt so sultry in my head ... some best moments really happen so unplanned and i finally realized why people brag about first kiss so badly...
i then understood thats when we see the paradise on earth which is very small but strong.. the kind of vibration that passed between our body was so inevitable and i pressed his hands as i was feeling completely shy by the fact that he was still kissing me...(should i push him or ask for some breathe?)

he then kissed my cheeks and smiled at me, ''if at all something can look gorgeous even when it is closed that could be nothing else than your eyes you pretty lady and i know love can recur beyond distance, people, blunders, wonders, culture, language, barriers, time, communication, failure, success and many more adjectives but my love can never recur beyond  your eyes, the moment i see them my world stops like its gulped by a giant distant planet''

i just dashed on his chest and started smiling covering my face with my hands... i wished that moment prolonged forever..

we then started dating for an year, i would say one of the best year of my life.. we had everything, love understanding, trust, respect and yeah of course  silly fights..
but that fights never made us fall out of love, instead they made us to fall even more deeper as after every quarrel we urged for that pacifying hug and kiss which really worth the fight(at least to me) there was no shortage of anything.. gifts, surprise, amusement, shocks...

one fine day we decided to get married.. we proposed our decision to our parents who had no objection..
we planned our marriage on Aug 21 st , started working on it.. he then told me i should write about us in my story.. that sounded as a great idea and i started writing about our love... so that i can  gift him on our first year wedding anniversary..
our marriage was a beautiful ceremony to all those who attended it.. it was filled with love and romance.. i think he kissed me twice in the stage.. everybody's eyes was popping out seeing the way we were in love..

we had bought a house in the hallway street even before our marriage.. the house was perfectly furnished for us and it looked like  little palace specially built for both..
after the long day of marriage and parties we arrived at our new home..
the fresh smell of the house was so good... i did a hmmmmmmmmm the moment i entered in..
he was like ''do you want pan cakes baby?
i remember i spanked him for making fun of my actions...
we just went and laid back .. we were really tired...

he started talking, ''we finally lived our centuries dream... i made you mine  officially.. now no more escaping Mrs.Veron, you are gonna be beside me forever, aren't you?
''forever or always which ever is longer i shall chose that to be with you Mr.Veron, you really did make me yours.. you are a man who is capable of doing what you plan or  you make things as yours if you really love it... and i was in that hit list i know you naughty fellow''

he started tickling me..'' you did?? i know you did.. because as much as i wanted you , i know you wanted me more too.. i could see that in your eyes sweetheart..
i never wanted to end this day.. i know we are awfully tired but we are off for a month so lets sleep tomorrow.. do you mind talking whole night?? i mean just talking... you remember you always told me you wanna talk to me one whole night.. just lying on my chest.. speaking about everything that led us to this, do you mind living that dream today?

i lied on his chest and told him '' i started living that dream just a second back''
he kissed  my forehead and we started talking how we met and on....
that was the night of my life... i never knew i can be so lively even when i was running out of sleep for 38 hours..
we talked about all silly things we did and how we fought and what we should when we fight from now on...

time was 6:30 am... we fell asleep...

our marriage days began so merrily.. he made it a point to take me out for dinner almost every weekends and spend quality time with me in spite of hectic work schedule.. his dedication towards marriage made me feel exceptionally blessed and i could expatiate about it more..

every day we had some discussions about movies, books, music, romance and what not it was the perfect life that every girl wants...

as i had the space to write and discuss with him i started my new novel which was based on our love life ..
i started spending maximum time on my work.. i usually dedicate myself completely on my works.. it was inborn in me.. i had stopped writing for a while as i was overwhelmed by his love and our marriage.. and i felt the right time has arrived to write..

it was a weekend and i went out for grocery shopping... i was preoccupied with the thoughts of writing and cooking was a burden to me.. i usually take Veron with me on weekend grocery purchase, but that day i started early as i thought i can finish cooking soon and complete one chapter.. as i planned to gift this novel for our first wedding anniversary i was more into it than i thought...

when he woke i was not there, he rang to my mobile.... ''baby where are you?
i told him ''i came for grocery shopping and didn't want to disturb  you as you were asleep''
he said ''ok come safe''
and hung the call

i came home.. he was watching tv in the hall and i smiled at him.. i went and kissed him and told him good morning..
he smiled again and started reading the magazines..
''are you cooking in home today? i thought we planned to go out for lunch? didn't we??

'' oh honey not today i have to finish this chapter today.. I am almost gonna do it... that is why i went early to shopping so that i can make dishes sooner and start writing''

''thats okay, write good baby'' he said and moved to room...

i finished cooking and i started writing..
he came to room couple of times and saw me and i smiled at him.. he then went out..
i was busy writing...

it was almost seven by the time when i finished..
i was bit tired..i went to hall, i saw him sleeping in the couch.. and tv was on.. it was just seven and he already fell asleep which was strange... i don't even know he had his dinner or not.. i didn't want to wake him up.. but i wanted to make sure he had his dinner.. i sat beside him and slowly shook him..
he opened his eyes
''honey did you have your dinner??
''for that i should first have my lunch sweetie''
''what you didn't have your lunch?? why?? whats wrong with you aren't you  hungry..??
''i was..  i am.. but my wife is too busy for me.. and she forget on weekends i have my meals only with her..''

i felt like i was slapped.. i felt really bad for being so ignorant of him.. i had tears in my eyes..
he just got up... ''hey baby thats okay come lets eat.. i just wanted you to know nothing has to change if you have responsibilities.. try to be normal, i just want to be normal and wanna have everything with you, don't compress yourself for anything sweetheart.. come lets eat.. im really hungry or else i might eat you up''

we had our dinner and went to bed..
there were days were i really fell out and he completely balanced me.. thats when i was falling more for him..

days went as usual and i tried being normal as he told me..
but everything has a saturation point, every marriage has that point.. some face it very early and some face it late and some face it always and its the way they handled it matters and that decides the fate of the marriage..
even we faced one such point.. every time it was him who always balances things out and makes it all work.. may be he was too matured and knows how things work or may be i don't want to know how these things work and let it be as it flows( as i always say)
but i never know he was expecting me to be more planned than to leave things as they flow..
he tried to tell me about those couple of times, but i remember i didn't show  great interest... it was not deliberate i just don't know how to act planned for things that happen naturally..

we used to have few arguments that heated up for a while and few silly misunderstandings here and there..
whatever it might be we managed to get back on track as always..

it was the friday night.. i was watching movie and he returned back home.. he looked all fine..
he came as usual and kissed my lips and said ''i missed you baby''
''awww.. my sweetheart i missed you too.. how was your day.. shall i make some coffee for you?
''no no its okay i am fine.. ya my day was as always busy and quiet hectic.. the fact thats its friday made me feel more active for last few hours so that i can see my beautiful wife soon and bite her like this''(laughing and biting me)
''ha ah ah ah you naughty brat, stop biting me...(giggling and screaming)
it was a good time , we had coffee and it was seven...
we were in our balcony, he started talking..

''baby what do you think about having a baby? i think we should have a baby soon.. im getting more fond of them and want to have one for ourself as soon as possible what do you think(smiling)

''ha ha ha  are you joking?? stop kidding.. it not even a year between us after marriage , you already want to have kids? and responsibilities?? go to bed Veron you are drunk..(laughing)

''serena !!! whats so funny about it??do i sound drunk if i talk about kids and responsibilities, is it that you don't want to have kids or responsibilities? make me clear whats in your head, because i often wonder what you actually think.. or even i wonder what you want??

''whats making you serious?? kids or you want to make me a mother and stop me from writing and be obsessed with you and kids?? can't i even have my own time with you at least for a year?? i think thats what we planned i believe?

''is everything going according to plan, all that what was planned was changed.. you liked it to be unplanned and let it flow and what not... its always been your way.. why cant this be as i wanted???are you afraid of being a mother? don't tell me that.. i have some respect on you.. and i still love you so don't spoil it''

what the hell do you mean by spoiling it, you mean to say you won't love me if i revoke to have kids now?? what are you trying? are trying to be chauvinistic with me??
and you have said everything that was falling as from my side?? is this why you always pretended to be patient with me???

the arguement went heated and we started saying mean things at each and it was getting very serious..
he went on rage and broke the porcelain cup which had our images printed.. and pointed the broken pieces and told me'' thats the case of this relationship now''
and he banged the door and went off......

it was half past seven when he left.. i have never been away from him even for a night, how ever we fight he never leaves me alone in the house
i think i made him furious, i really don't know why i was so mean .. all he wanted was a baby.. he always wanted them.. was it just because i was too much into writing and i cant take up babies now.. however i shouldn't have revoked him, he had always been on my side whatever it is.. i think i really made a blunder.. i don't know where to find him.. his mobile is switched off...

i was crying badly.. i had no idea where he went, i was getting afraid as every minute passed by..
i said sorry million times to his pictures on the wall... i kissed him million times crying ''come back baby''
thats when i realized i really cant do without this man anytime in my life.. he means everything and i really need him all my life..
his sudden absence created that space that was expunging my heart in fear and trembling lips wishing to kiss him immediately...

i waited near the door till eleven.. then i locked the door and wept my heart out..
i stayed up in the couch looking at our pictures in my mobile and was literally talking to him..
the days we slept laughing schematically ran in my head making me more feeble and creating throe in my lungs..

the way he carries me when i fall asleep while watching movie in the couch, the way he looks me up when i dress up pretty and winks at me, the way he smiles at me when i make a horrible dish and says'' its okay sweetie it will help me up to cure the low pressure''
how i ran up to him when i find him hot in black shirt and kiss his lips long.. how we have coffee on sunday morning, me sitting over his lap sliding my head on his shoulders and gazing the sun shine blissfully, cooking together dishes which i have no idea of, playing chess before sleeping and falling asleep on chess board, biting his cheek when he looks cute as soon as he is awake, the way he unties my hair and kisses my neck, how he hold my hand back while doing so, the way he drops me down in the bed and jumps on me when he is on.. all night awake making love incessantly with essence of passionate love and affection with no pinch of lust.. even in bed he treated me like his baby princess, so gentle and caring.. pouring his love every way possible..

love is not what is made inside a perfect man, it is what a perfect man is made of .. i realized this only after i started living that beautiful  life with him..
i cant afford to lose him at any point.. any women in my place would feel so extremely blessed, how did i even not feel pleased ? was i good for him.. he was too good.. he was a wonderful man.. a million thought rouse in my head giving ideas that contemplate scary future, i eroded such thoughts which connive my mind to be skeptical about us..

not everyone falls in love and not every one sustains even if they had fallen in love, not everyone gets married even if they had sustained it and not everyone live in love even after marriage but we did.. we really did.. until i decided to act stupid.. and not everyone is smart or patient or cool to handle sensitive marital decisions, unlike us... we or just me personally need to be patient.. i shouldn't have let out such mean things..

falling in love is way easier than we think but staying up matters the most, treating  everyday with our love as our first date is one good way to never fall out of love..
i sometimes think when i fall out of him i rush to our early days conversations and start reading and feel blissed that how special he made me feel, how he made me fall in love even without making me feel that i am falling for him.. love was one of the best thing that happened to me next to have known my man.. people say you mean the world to me but to me ''world means nothing without him''
every picture that hangs in our wall knows that he loved me the most, how did i even not know that.. i  actually did may be i was too proud to accept it.. however far i fly my world knows he is my wings i cannot  cross an inch without him, absence of him to me is like a journey of a handicapped bird to the lost world ... i can never make it...


i stayed thinking he would really turn, i turned blue crying long and i fell asleep on the couch........................................................

sun rise was sneaking into my blanket... first thought for the day was Veron.. i miss his good morning kiss.. his warm hug that lights up my day..
i woke up...(shocked)
i fell asleep on the couch.. how did i wake up in bed... i just jumped out of the bed... i ran out of room
i saw him making coffee in my cup.. i ran up to him.. pulled him and hugged him and started crying...
'' im sorry Veron i didn't mean that, i really didnt.. i cant do without you baby, you mean the world to me... i thought i lost you...(heavily crying)

''babe... do you think i have one percent chance of survival in this world without you?? you can never lose me baby, never.. i mean that.. i really do.. i have lived my entire life to be yours how can i be without you for the rest of my life... not in this life baby..''

i kissed him hard and hugged him more tight and squeezed all my tears i had for the day..
''baby now stop crying.. i am sorry i was cold and rustic last night, i know i shouldn't have broken the picture.. i am sorry sweetheart..'' he told me
i asked him where was he all night?
'' sweetie i never left our apartment parking, i was just in our car.. i know you are alone, i really can't go away from you, i so wanted to come back.. i thought i can give it some time, i know i was bad.. i shouldn't have let you cry, i should have understood why you revoked me.. will you forgive me?? one time??

''honey.. i shall forgive you if you give me what i ask for?
'' whats that go ahead'' he said
''a baby inside me'' i replied(strongly looking into his eyes)
''sweetheart you don't have to do this(i stopped him from speaking  by kissing his lips)
''will you? i asked
he smiled at me and asked ''so when you wanna have baby?
'' precisely in ten months'' i replied
(both laughed )
so i think we should start working rite away i said
'' well what about the coffee then? he asked

''oh yeah lets have it when we get tired'' i told him(pulled him inside the room and banged the door)

eleven months later..............................................................................................................................................

''so daddy fell in love with mommy once again  and they lived happily ever after with their little princess Tiana''(baby giggles)

''is that your new story sweetheart?  veron asked me
yes this was actually planned as a gift to you on our first anniversary but i wasn't able to finish it as i was carrying our little  girl , so i thought i can gift it when she is with us, so here you go.. as you asked for a story about us.. i have also included  our baby girl as that would make you even more excited''

'' i think you should end it  as'' and then daddy keeps falling in love with mommy every day since then'' because thats the fact baby, i am falling in love with you every minute that passes by..(comes closer and kisses and hugs me tight)

'' veron nooooo tiana is just five months she is not old enough to become a sister now...you go to bed now i will put her to sleep and come''(laughing)
''ha ha ah ah i got that big mommy, come soon  I am waiting''(whistles into the room)
i looked at him walking happily winking at me and blowing kisses at me very romantically

i looked at tiana'' baby you tell me now, you are old enough to have a little brother because i think you will soon have one'' kissed her and dropped her on her cradle

(shouting ''veron we can have one more sleepless night its okay tiana is old enough to be a sister i  guess'')
both laughing hard and start kissing ......