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An adventurer, a geologist and something not quite explainable are on an adventure. |
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The following is a chronicle of a geologist, an expeditioner and a highly caffeinated housewife with nothing better to do but tag along, and their misadventures in the quest for knowledge of the science of geology, a drink called macchiato, and beer. Through the crowded SeaTac airport a broad shouldered handsome man pushed his way through the throng of people and searched intently; “Hey Duke, over here” he heard and turning saw the person he was looking for, “Magma Dawg, I never did think I was going to find you in all these people”. “Yeah, it’s crowded” she replied, “got everything?”; “yep, it’s being checked through right now, where’s Min Diesel?” *pop* “what the hell….” Duke said as he nearly lost his footing as he jumped from the floating apparition that had suddenly appeared and hovered a few feet from him…”here I am” replied Min Diesel. “It would appear that in her highly caffeinated state, she has been able to achieve a level of teleportation” explained Magma Dawg. As a member of the team with an advanced education, and a damn fine bullshit artist, her explanations of the unexplainable were generally accepted as fact. “That’s a lot of damn coffee” exclaimed Duke “how do you keep from having to go the bathroom all the time?” “After nearly 7,512,936 macchiatos a body begins to develop a tolerance to such trivial things, like trips to the bathroom” explained Min Diesel. “I’d be here in person but I’ve got a bunt cake in the oven, and my husband’s shift ends in a couple hours and he gets cranky if he doesn’t get his dinner right away, so I’ll be popping in from time to time to check on how you guys are doing”. “Where are you now?” asked Duke, “in my kitchen, with my bunny slippers on” she replied. “Well, let’s get started then” he proclaimed. Alaska's Denali National Park's Mt. McKinley, is the tallest peak on the North American continent. Alaska is a veritable plethora of geological stuff, from shifting tectonic plates, to an array of active volcanoes; of which, at least one recorded eruption has occurred every year for as long as anyone can remember, even by the Eskimos, and that’s a long damn time. And there are the earthquakes; the second largest recorded earthquake ever took place in Alaska’s Prince William Sound in 1964, second only to the 1960 quake that shook Chile, but many Alaskans will argue that quake actually originated in their state, but they felt that it wasn’t going to be big enough so they threw it back and it landed in South America, where the Chileans grabbed it up and started shouting “nanny nanny boo boo, we got the biggest ever recorded earthquake” much to the surprise of the Alaskans, no doubt. Which was to serve as a lesson for the young state of Alaska, and when they felt the next big one come along just four years later, they latched on to it for themselves, coming in at number two, way to go Alaska. In any event, the state of Alaska holds many treasures for the hardy spirited geologist, and that is precisely why it was decided that the state would serve as a very good second option. And in addition to the cornucopia of geological stuff to be found in Alaska, it was rumored that they brew a mighty mean beer and it was widely speculated that this was the real reason that Duke Danger offered to lead the expedition, as everyone knows, he fancies a good beer, in large quantities, with large crowds to listen to him spin his yarns, and chicks, and buffalo wings and beef jerky and nachos and…..where was I? Oh yes, the expedition…. In addition to Duke Danger, Magma Dawg and Min Diesel the team was to consist of several no name scientist and geologist of little or no importance to this story, and porters or laborers, brought along so as not to burden the important members of the expedition who do have names, with carrying scientific instruments, supplies and general lifesaving equipment, so they don’t have names either. The driving force behind the expedition was the Magma Dawg, a young, eager, and enthusiastic graduate who brimmed with the thirst for knowledge of all things geology, and yes; it would be remiss to go without saying…”geology rocks” as she was fond of wearing a patch that stated as much on her underpants. She yearned for the opportunity to put her stamp on the world of geology and have her name mentioned in the same breath as such noted women geologist as Mary Anning, the greatest fossilist the world has ever known, Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer, the South African museum curator who brought the first coelacanth to the world and other famous, smart geological people who were women. She is determined to become a “rock” star in her own right. Magma Dawg is good friends with Min Diesel, a mild mannered housewife by day, and a quote worthy humorist on the internet by night. Min Diesel is also widely recognized for her love of a South American caffeinated drink, called macchiato. It is not known for sure how many of these she can consume in a day, but judging by her ability to teleport through time and space it must be a substantial amount. Her ability to manipulate quantum physics not withstanding, her contributions to the expedition were to prove to be invaluable as we will see later. All of this brings us to the highly anticipated introduction of the leader of the expedition, Duke Danger. A ruggedly handsome lad who is known for his love of beer, and penchant for the afore mentioned wild tale telling. It was never really known what exactly his qualifications for leading an expedition were before the outset of the adventure, only that Magma Dawg was interested in going on an expedition and wanted him along, and as it was her expedition, she got her way, and when Duke learned of the famed Alaska brew; he could not be turned away. The trio pushed their way through the crowded airport and made their way to the tarmac where their private plane awaited them and was being loaded by some no name baggage handlers. “Are you just going to float along wherever we go?” Duke asked Min Diesel, “yeah….’til I get tired, or I gotta go fold some laundry, which reminds me, I need to go throw in a load of whites, catch up with you guys later.”*pop* “Wait, how will you know where to find us?” Duke said, *pop* “here, take this” she said, and handed him a necklace of rawhide with a small, oblong shaped object attached to it. “A coffee bean? How does this work?” he asked “trust me…it’s like a homing device to my highly attuned powers of coffee detection, and I’ll be able to sense you calling for me, oh…dryers done”*pop* and she was gone. “Hmmm, yeah…this won’t be weird” Duke mused to himself. Turning, he set about checking to see if the no name baggage handlers were handling the gear as they should and began digging through one of his personal bags, “what ya looking for?” Magma Dawg asked, walking up to him, “my bottle opener, it’s like my whip that Indiana Jones has, never know when a beer might need opening and I always like to have it handy. Looks like the no names have about the gear all loaded, I’m gonna go do a pre-flight inspection of the plane”. “You can fly?!?!” Magma Dawg exclaimed. “Look” Duke explained,” it’s my story, and I’m writing it, and in my story I can do whatever I want, and in my story I wanna be able to fly….like a pilot, not Superman…what the hell, Min gets to pop in and out like genie whenever she wants, why can’t I be a pilot? Min has the ability to teleport and hover without having to walk for crying out loud, why is it such a stretch of the imagination to think that I can fly an airplane?” fumed Duke. “Take it easy Maverick, sheesh, a bit touchy before take off? I was just getting ready to say ‘that’s so cool’ is all ” “oh….sorry….lets get ready to take off shall we?”. The no names were done loading the plane and Magma Dawg climbed in the twin engine Cessna while Duke walked around the plane, kicking the tires, and rapping his knuckles on the windshield…”looks good here” he proclaimed, Magma Dawg rolled her eyes and secretly prayed that the author’s imaginary ability to fly was sufficient enough to transport her and her team to the Great White North safely. The team secured inside, and the gear stowed away in the cargo hold, Duke fired the engines and radioed the tower, “Eagle Thrust, team ready for take off” the tower responds….”Stand by”….. “Big Duke 6 this is Eagle Thrust…..better get your boys back, cuz it looks like this is gonna big one”……” “Roger that Eagle Thrust”….”Team, you are cleared for takeoff” Gunning the engines, Duke taxied on to the runway and prepared to motor down the runway, “hold on to your butts” he shouted above the engines to the team of no name scientists, geologists and porter/laborers. “Alaska, here we come….I hope” cried Magma Dawg as Duke revved the engines and the plane began to hurtle down the runway, gaining speed Duke pulled back on the yoke and the wheels began separated themselves from the runway and they were airborne. “I told you I could fly” shouted Duke, “yeah, but can you land” shouted back the apprehensive geologist. Ignoring her, the expedition leader set the plane on a heading for Anchorage Alaska and began to polish his sunglasses. It’s roughly an 4-5 hour flight in a plane the size of the one the team was utilizing and the team settled in and began to relax and listen to their Ipods “Have you ever been to Alaska?” asked Magma Dawg “No, but I saw a deal on it one time on the National Geographic Channel and their journalism is excellent, not to mention their topless native chicks, so I feel pretty confident. Where we’re going, is one of the most hostile environments on earth” he explained “I’ve been to Anchorage, I went to school there for a while, and the people are not that bad” said Magma “No, that’s not what I mean, the artic region of Denali National Park is one of the harshest climates to be found, there will be subzero temperatures, high winds with hurricane-like gusts, storms that can move in so fast we’ll have little or no time to prepare, and when the wind and blizzard like conditions aren’t blinding us, the glare from sun off the ever present snow will, and that’s if we even get that far, in between us and there is grizzly infested country crawling with wolves, either of which can be deadly and we’ll be walking miles and miles through their turf with no where to hide should we get caught on the wide open tundra, and there will be no place to buy beer ..…just surviving will be a very difficult job in of itself, not allowing for the collection and study of rock and ice samples that you brought along all the rock nerds to analyze, all things considered…..I give us one chance in a hundred of all of us surviving and coming home, make no mistake….this is a very, very dangerous mission that is ahead of us”. Self doubt crept across Magma Dawg’s face as the magnitude of what lay ahead of her began to set in, suddenly she turned to him “then why did you agree to come along?”………. “Cuz I got nothing better to do”…….. *pop* “HOLY GEEZES”……”Min, isn’t there some way you could warn us, me in particular, when you’re gonna ‘pop’ in like this? You ‘bout scared the crap outta me…..I mean, what if I was going to the bathroom or something?” Duke asked. “He’s got a point, Min, what if we’re going to the bathroom; that could be kind of embarrassing” Magma Dawg agreed. “Well, it’d be fine if she ‘popped’ in on you while you were going to the bathroom, Magma, you’re a girl, she’s a girl…..girls go to the bathroom all the time together, it’s different with a dude; dudes don’t go to the bathroom together unless something is wrong with one ‘em” Duke explained. “Look, I don’t wanna ‘pop’ in on anybody going to the bathroom, girl or ‘dude’” quipped Min Diesel “but relax, it doesn’t work like that, I have to visualize you first, according to whoever has the coffee bean, in my mind, and then there is a quick flash where I get a brief mental glimpse of your feelings, or basic thoughts….so if you don’t want me ‘popping’ in at an inappropriate moment, you just need to hang out a mental ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign, ok?”. “Good enough” said Duke, and set about checking the plane’s gauges and instruments on the panel in front of him. It had been mid day when they met at the crowded SeaTac airport and mid afternoon before they departed and headed north, and now as the day began to wane on, the sun dipped towards the horizon to their left and sent stabs of golden sunlight across the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean. The members of the team were marveling at the beauty when suddenly there was a sputtering sound and the engine on the right side of plane began to cough and wheeze, and the propeller ceased to turn. ”Uh….is it supposed to do that?” Magma questioned apprehensively. “Not normally” answered Duke. “Great, I knew it, you don’t know how to fly, I should have just hired a professional pilot, what the hell was I thinking” Magma began, she was quickly becoming unnerved and her mind began to quickly race with possible alternatives when Duke started in “Hey, settle down, alright? This plane is equipped with two eng….” Cough, cough, sputter.. and the second engine’s prop ceased to turn, “Okay…okay….you may continue with your freak out”. There was a clickety, clackety sound within the cabin of the plane, and Magma looked over at Min who sitting, crossed legged, and hovering between herself and Duke with her computer across her lap, was hammering away at the keyboard, “Min Diesel, what the hell are you doing? We are about to crash into the ocean, with two failed engines and a pilot who doesn’t know anything about flying and you’re sending messages to your mom?” Magma Dawg was shouting. “No, I’m Googling how to restart the engines” Min replied. Duke was frantically pulling, pushing, twisting, and flipping switches on the instrument panel in a desperate attempt to bring the failed engines back to life, as the nose of the plane began to point towards the water below. “Got it” Min explained “I think what’s happened is the fuel wasn’t mixed properly for the colder temperatures here in the North, and the moisture has frozen in the fuel lines and caused them to become plugged”. “Great, how do we get them unplugged before we crash?” Magma asked. Just then there was a blast of icy air that rushed through the cabin of the plane as Duke pushed open the door and stepped out on to plane’s wing, “What the hell are you doing?” Min and Magma shouted in unison. Without a word Duke began to inch his way on to the wing, lowering himself to a prone position and crawling on his belly, gripping the edges of the plane. The angle of the plane was beginning to point dangerously to the waiting ocean below, as the expedition leader made his way to the stalled engine. Reaching it, he hooked his elbows on the edge of the wing to free his hands, and began to pull lines and wires from the exterior of the engine’s shell. When he felt he had cleared the clogged fuel line, he shouted over his shoulder to Magma “try turning it over, it’s the red switch that says ‘ignition’”. Quickly she reached over and gave the switch a turn, and sparks shot out of the engine near Duke’s face “the contacts are probably iced over Duke” shouted Min as she looked up from her laptop. All of this had transpired in a span of a minute or two, from the engines failing to Duke’s mad scramble on to the wing of the plane in an effort to fix one of the failed engines, yet the plane was rapidly beginning to lose altitude and situation was becoming dire. The wind tore at him and threatened to dislodge him of his hold. Becoming, desperate, Duke looked at the engine as if it were somehow going to reveal how to start itself to him, when a thought flashed into his head. Grabbing the wing, with this left hand he reached into his pocket with his right and fished out his trusted bottle opener. Placing it between two of the iced over contacts, to form a bridge between them, he shouted again “try it now!!!!”. Magma reached over and turned the switch again, and again sparks flew out of the engine near Duke’s face, but this time the engine roared to life, as the shock from the electrical charge that went between the two contacts gave Duke a jolt and the bottle opener flew from his hand, “Nooo!!!” he shouted. The temporary distraction caused him to lose concentration as he still had his elbows hooked on the edge of the wing to free his hands, and as he looked at his beloved bottle opener falling away in to the distance, his elbows slipped from their hold and a moment of sheer terror went through Duke as he frantically clutched at the wing’s edge and just managed to catch himself with his hands. Magma Dawg and Min Diesel looked on helplessly from the cabin of the plane. Duke couldn’t help but noticing, that even though he had managed to get one of the engines working again, the plane was still losing altitude as he hung precariously from the wing. “Pull back on the yoke” he yelled to the occupants of the cabin, “we’re still falling, pull back on the yoke in front of you”. Magma, gripped the yoke in front of her and gave a hard pull towards her and the angle of the plane, once pointed towards the ocean below, took a dramatic upwards angle. The increase in air speed also increased the wind drag going over the plane’s wing, and was such that it nearly ripped Duke from his hold on the wing’s edge. “He needs to get himself back inside before he falls off” Min said tensely “because, if he goes…..who’s going to land the plane?” Looking out at him, laying flat on the wing and holding on to the edge, a sudden thought occurred to Magma, “hold on” and with no other warning she turned the yoke sharply to the right, causing the plane to take a hard turn to the right and that side of the plane to dip and raising the left side, as she did this Duke lost his gripped on the edge of the wing and slid down the wing until he slammed up against the fuselage. The impact of the maneuver nearly knocked the wind from him as he grabbed at the handle of the door and pulled himself back safely inside the cabin. “Brrr….it’s cold out there” he said as he settled back into his seat. “Not to mention dangerous” Min quipped. “Yeah, what the hell were you thinking?” Magma chastised “next time, we’ll send one of no name people out there, it’s not important to the story whether or not they die”. “Uhhmm….we can hear you, we’re right here” spoke up one of the no names from the back. “SHUT UP” shouted Magma, Min and Duke in unison. “Are we going to be able to make it to Anchorage with just the one engine?” asked Magma Dawg. “Yeah, we should be able to, we just won’t be able to do any of the aerial stunts I wanted to show you, I do a pretty mean barrel roll” he replied. “Bummer” replied Magma sarcastically. Flying on only one engine, the flight took a little longer to reach Anchorage, but the remainder of the trip was uneventful and it was a very grateful team that landed at the little airstrip just outside of Anchorage. “I’ll catch up with you guys later, I gotta get dinner ready” said Min and with that *pop* she disappeared. A man dressed in greasy overalls walked from a hangar towards the team as they began piling out of the plane. Wiping his hands on an oily rag, Magma wondered what he hoped to accomplish; wiping greasy, grimy hands on a greasy, grimy rag did not seem like a viable way to cleanse one’s hands. “Where you folks headed?” he questioned as he got close to the group. “We need to rent a bus or a van” replied Duke, ignoring his question “is there somewhere close by we can do that?”. “I asked you a question boy, don’t be answering my questions with a question” the man in greasy overalls said. The quickness and suddenness of the back hand surprised Magma, as Duke struck the greasy man and stepped in closer and grabbed a handful of the greasy overalls “my apologies sir, we are headed for Denali National Park, Mt. McKinley to be more specific, now if you would be so kind as to direct us to the nearest vehicle rental agency, we would greatly appreciate it” Duke spoke thru gritted teeth and with that gave the greasy man a shove. A trickle of blood started from corner of the greasy man’s mouth and he wiped it off with the back of his hand and spat “there’s a rental place just down the road, take ya 10 minutes a walkin” he drawled as he jerked his thumb in the direction of the road. “Thank you” replied Duke, and turning to the team “you no names stay here with the grease monkey and all our gear, Magma Dawg and I will be back in an hour with transportation”. Turning, he and Magma set off walking in the direction the grease monkey had indicated “was that necessary?” questioned Magma, raising an eyebrow Duke looked at her and replied “it’s been a bad day, and he was being rude, normally I don’t display The Pimp Hand under such circumstances, but I did just get done nearly dying by falling off the wing of an airplane and….I lost my damn bottle opener”. As Duke and Magma Dawg made their way to the rental place, the team of no name scientist and labor/porters stayed with the team’s equipment and the grease monkey sulked off back to his hangar. Shortly, Duke and Magma Dawg arrived at their destination and after looking over the selection, chose a 15 passenger van and drove back to the airstrip to pick up the team. After loading all of their gear into the back of the van, they made their way to a nearby campground and set about making a spot for themselves to stay the night. *pop* announced Min Diesel’s arrival, “Hey, whatcha guys doing?” she asked “I just got done clearing away dinner”. “Well, we’re setting up a place for us to stay the night” replied Magma. Nearby several of the no names were talking amongst themselves about Duke’s early altercation concerning the grease monkey and Min Diesel couldn’t help but overhearing. “You what?!?!?” she asked Duke, incredulously “you pimp slapped a native Alaskan? Oh boy, you are asking for trouble mister….you just don’t do that in this state” she said. “Why?” asked Duke. “This is the state that kicked Chuck Norris out for being a crybaby, ok? Do you get I’m saying?” she queried. “Look, my name is Duke Danger, do you really think that I’m all that concerned about how tough the people here are? For the longest time, danger was my middle name, until I dropped my surname” explained Duke. “What was your last name?” Min asked. “Cornelius, but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it, ya know?” After having set up a camp site for themselves the team lit a fire and one of the no names got out a guitar, and began tuning it by the fireside. Sensing what was to come, Duke got to his feet and announced that he was going to town. “Where are you going?” asked Magma Dawg. “Some place where I can drink a beer and not have to listen to a bunch of rock nerds sit around a campfire singing Kumbaya and talk about smart people stuff” he replied. “I need action, beer, and maybe some nachos” he grumbled as he moved toward the van. “He still upset ‘cuz he lost his bottle opener?” asked Min Diesel. “Yeah, about that bottle opener” Magma Dawg called after him “didn’t you say earlier that it was like ‘your whip’ that Indiana Jones has? Cuz I’m a little hazy……but didn’t Indiana Jones keep his whip? I mean, he made it through….what?...three movies?....and never lost his whip? Or his hat? He was nearly crushed by a giant rolling stone ball, almost had his heart ripped out by some weird voodoo guy, fought a Nazi colonel to the death on top of a moving tank, countless times faced death and/or dismemberment over the span of three major blockbuster motion pictures and not once did he lose his whip, and yet you can’t even crawl, crawl-mind you; not death defyingly run, or jump, but crawl- out on to the wing of an airplane and restart an engine without losing your bottle opener?” she teased as he opened the door of the van and crawled in behind the wheel, “Now do see why I need a beer? Gotta drown my sorrows” he replied dryly. The next morning, bright and early the expedition leader was up and began rousing the other members of the team to prepare to resume their journey to Mt. McKinley, located within Denali National Park in central Alaska, and their destination for the expedition. They were going to make their last motorized leg of their journey that day, from Anchorage to Byers Lake Campground over the Parks Highway, where they would strike out for the skirts of Mt. McKinley, hopefully by mid-day. The drive that took them from Anchorage to Byers Lake Campground was through some of the most beautiful country any member of the team had ever seen, and on this they all agreed. It was mid-summer when the team began their journey and at that time of year, on a clear day, Mt. McKinley could be seen from quite a distance as it dominated the Alaskan skyline and the team was awed by its majesty. “It looks better than a post card” breathed Magma Dawg, *pop* “hey whatcha you guys doin? Oh my….look at that” marveled Min Diesel as she looked at Mt. McKinley, “no matter how many times you see it, it never gets old” she said. “You’ve seen it before?” asked Duke. “Yeah, I lived here for eight years, that’s why I never get sick, I have the immune system of an Alaskan” Min explained. “What does that mean?” asked Duke a little skeptical. “When the human body is subjected to this kind of environment and climate on a year round basis, it develops tolerance to certain things, like sickness” she said as she slurped on a macchiato, the beverage for which she was famed and helped her achieve her teleportation powers that allowed her to ‘pop’ in on the team whenever she wanted. Arriving at Byers Lake Campground the team began unloading their gear and making preparations for the last leg of their journey to the base of the mountain. “How long do you think it’ll take us to get there?” asked Magma Dawg. “I don’t know, it depends on how fast we can get the labor/porters to move, I’m really glad we decided to bring them along, I wasn’t looking forward to packing all this gear” Duke said as he looked at the other members of the team who were loading themselves down with the equipment and gear needed for the expedition. “Yeah, me neither” agreed Magma Dawg. “Uhhh, why don’t you two give us a hand?” asked one of the no names. “Look” Duke began “as the leader of this expedition, I can’t be burdened down with the duties of you peasants, I have to be available to ward off dangers and scout ahead….you know, real leader type stuff” he explained in a very condescending manner “and I can’t be doing that if I’m loaded down like a mule the same as you peons, okay?”. Magma Dawg rolled her eyes, shook her head and picked up her pack and followed as Duke set off on a trail in the direction of Mt. McKinley. Min Diesel giggled into the back of her hand and floated after her and behind her the remaining members of the team struggled under the weight of their packs. Duke set a slow but steady pace as he wanted to cover as much distance as possible before dark, but didn’t want to have to keep stopping and waiting for the burdened down members of the team. Magma Dawg seemed to be enjoying the trek thus far, but an attentive eye could ascertain that she was eager to get to the mountain and begin doing some real geological stuff. Min Diesel was a rather chatty sort of traveler, as she had a comment and a remark concerning every tree, shrub, and flower that the expedition encountered and there was the constant sound of her typing on her laptop as she Googled and Wikepedia’d everything they came across. “Wow, she’s pretty inquisitive” remarked Duke to Magma “it’s the caffeine” she replied. This initial leg of the journey was through a taiga forest region of the park, and the team encountered many varieties of vegetation and wildlife, large and small; from the moose to the pika. The team continued on until dusk, when Duke finally brought the team to a small clearing where it was decided that this would be a suitable campsite for the night. Duke figured they had covered about 6-8 miles since leaving their rental van at Byers Lake Campground in the early afternoon. The team hoped to reach their objective around midday the following day, and begin the collection of rock and ice samples. Before reaching their destination the team would have to cross the tundra region of the park, an area of permafrost covered with a carpet of green vegetation. In the colder areas of this region the permafrost could be measured as much as 300 feet deep, and is such that the plant life that is found here have shallow roots, but are found in great quantity, which attract and provide the sustenance for the multitude of plant eating animals, who in turn provide food for the carnivores. Of some concern to the team, and foremost in Duke’s mind were the grizzly bears and wolf packs that reside on the tundra. “Listen up” he called to the team “tonight we’re going to camp here and we shouldn’t have much trouble, we’ll build a large fire and keep it going throughout the night, and the trees will shelter us from any wind, but tomorrow…..tomorrow we’ll be going out on the tundra, a wide open expanse of land with no trees, and more importantly…no place to hide in the event that we run across a bear or wolves.” Magma couldn’t resist the urge to tease him so more “What about the lions and tigers, oh my” eliciting a chuckle from the rest of the team and a grimace from Duke. “Lets get some sleep, it’s been a long day” was all he replied with. Min Diesel had popped out some time before the team had stopped, having tired of just watching the team march along and needing to catch up on her Oprah. The night passed without event, and the next morning the team arose a little stiff and sore from the previous day’s hike *pop* “Good morning fellow expeditioners, how was your evening?” Min said cheerfully. “Can’t stay long, got kids to get off to school, but I’ll be back after Live with Regis & Kelly gets over”*pop* Duke straightened and the sound of bones and joints could be heard popping and cracking, “lets get moving” he said. The team set out and shortly they left the trees and stepped out on to the tundra, and immediately they felt the vastness of it. The tundra stretched out before them like a giant carpeted floor and then gradually gave way to the base of the mountain away in the distance. The team swung into a good pace as they felt anxious to get to across this ocean of grass and away from their feelings of insignificance, as big places have a way of doing to people. Around midday they stopped near a rocky outcropping and rested and had lunch. Magma got up and began poking around the outcropping, picking up rocks periodically, sniffing and licking them with her tongue. A short distance away Duke rested with his chin on his fist, eyeing her with mild curiosity. Seeing him observing her peculiar behavior, she smiled “it’s what we geologists do”. “Just think” she continued “at one time, millions of years ago, all of this was underwater” she gestured with a sweep of her arm to include everything around them “even Mt. McKinley, or Denali…that’s what the natives here call it, it means ‘The High One’, was underwater, all of it, except the peak. The Alaskan Range of which Denali belongs to was formed when the Pacific Plate collided with the North American continent and part of it buckled, causing the Alaskan Range” she was becoming rather animated now with elaborate hand gestures “and Denali itself was formed when a pool of magma cooled into a pocket of granite and was caught between these two tectonic forces and was thrust upward” she motioned with her fists in front of her face and then opened her hands pushing her palms skyward “and it’s still doing it to this day, the mountain grows in height by about quarter of an inch every year” she beamed. Duke looked on “I don’t understand a damn word you’re saying lady…..really I don’t. I mean, I hear you speaking, I see your mouth moving, and I can hear the words coming out but……you might as well be talking Greek.” *pop* “You guys missed a kick butt episode of ‘Live’….that Regis is so funny” Min stated, “what you talking about?” “Apparently…..ancient Greece” muttered Magma Dawg shaking her head and turning back to her poking about. As she moved about the strewn rocks around the outcropping she was surprise by one in particular, a rather large boulder that was a slightly different in color than the rest of the rocks in the area, as she got closer and examined it better she noticed the texture was a little different as well. Suddenly the boulder moved, it stood on its hind legs and turned towards the geologist! Magma let out a little yelp, at the sight of an adult grizzly bear, drawing the rest of the team’s attention. “Holy sh…” cried Duke, “don’t move Magma, everybody make some noise and maybe that will draw the bear’s attention away from her”. The rest of the team began shouting and jumping up and down. “Quick, Min” Duke said “hit the bear with your predatory stare”. Min had explained to Duke the previous day, that in addition to having a superior immune system from having lived in Alaska, she had also honed a highly attuned predatory stare. So menacing and so lethal was her stare that she no longer needed to carry a firearm with her when big game hunting, also attributed to having lived in Alaska. The intensity of her stare has been known to bring down the most majestic of big game. Once, an elk she had stared down had voluntarily gutted, skinned itself and threw a portion of itself into her frying pan and the remainder into her freezer. Duke felt very fortunate now to have her along. “Uhh….yeah….it doesn’t work like that, you see; I’m like a hollowgram, I’m here but not on a physical plane of existence, per se” Min explained “I can’t physical interact with anything where you guys are at, I can only see and hear what’s going on, but I can’t touch or feel anything, in fact you and Magma are the only ones who can see me, not even the no names know I’m here” she went on. “What?!?!” Duke was baffled “so this whole time that we’ve been talking back and forth with you the no names couldn’t see or hear you, and now they think that we’ve been crazily talking to something that floats in the air?” “Let us stay focused, if you will, I believe Magma’s situation is a tad more pressing at the moment?” replied Min. The bear was standing on it’s hind legs surveying all that surrounded it, from Magma Dawg standing a few feet from away, to the group of people yelling and jumping up and down, and was quickly becoming unnerved. Magma stood about thirty feet away and Duke was another twenty paces behind her. He looked around for some form of weapon or something that might draw the bear’s attention away, and just then the bear dropped to all four’s and ambled a couple of steps toward Magma and let out a ‘woof’ of challenge, ears pricked forward and Duke knew the situation had just escalated. Not being able to think of anything better, he took off at a run towards the bear and Magma, hoping to distract the bear from the geologist to himself, much the way a bullfighter at a rodeo distracts the bull from the fallen rider. Bears have incredibly keen senses of smell but their vision is very poor, and to the animal the situation must have been confusing, and it was this confusion that Duke was hoping would be enough to effect an escape for the geologist, in a manner of a few seconds he had covered the twenty paces that had separated him from Magma, and as he ran past her she slowly began to back away from the bear. Duke had run at an angle behind Magma, swinging out to the right, and then reversed his angle and now as he passed her he ran from her right to her left in between her and the bear. His planned worked as the bear took its focus off of Magma and transferred it to Duke, and now that the geologist was safe Duke kept running in between where she had stood and the animal, continuing until he had passed the bear at a distance of ten feet or so. Having distracted the bear and secured Magma, Duke was at a loss as to what to do next, the extent of his plan was to distract the bear and get Magma out safely, and that’s about where he had stopped planning. It wasn’t much of a plan he admitted to himself, more like a thought actually, and not a very good one at that, as he had stopped running a several feet beyond the bear. All the motion had temporarily confused the bear, from the man who had run at him, to the woman who was backing away from, but only momentarily, turning he lashed out with a big paw at the figure who had run past him. Min floated up beside Magma, “whew…..that was a close one, huh?” she breathed “what’s he gonna do now?” she asked and nodded her head in Duke’s direction. “I don’t think he thought it all the way through” Magma replied. “Typical man” she bent down and began picking up some baseball sized rocks. “C’mon” and with that she stepped closer and began throwing them at the bear that had turned its back to them now as Duke occupied its attention. Duke had managed to dodge the first blow of the big bruin, but now the animal lunged at him and he jumped to the side and rolled to his feet as a baseball sized rock hit him in the head “Oww!!! What the hell are you doing?” he shouted as he kept circling to stay out of the bear’s reach. “Sorry, I was going for the bear” answered Magma as she reared back her arm for another toss. “Keep moving to your left” she instructed, just then the bear made a sudden lunge and managed to hook Duke’s foot with a paw and upend him, pouncing on him immediately. With a gasp Duke barely avoided the slashing teeth that lunged at his face and the huge carnivore drew back in preparation for another attempt at biting Duke’s head off. A rock the size of a grapefruit thumped off the top of the big bear’s head, and it let out a bellow of pain and surprise, as it looked up at its assailant standing some distance away and preparing to hurl another rock. As the bear took its focus off of trying to separate his head from his shoulders Duke grabbed the rock that had just hit the bear and as the bear roared at Magma with a gaping maw, he reached up and jammed the rock as far he could into the bear’s mouth lodging it in the opening of the bear’s throat. The rock was big enough that it propped the bear’s mouth open and prevented it from closing its massive teeth around Duke’s head. Duke let out a cry of triumph “HaHaah” thinking he had bested the animal when the bear remembered he was still there and with a mighty backhand swipe sent Duke hurtling through the air, and stood up on its hind legs and put its front paws to its mouth in an attempt to dislodge the obstruction. Magma hesitated a moment and rushed forward covering thirty feet between her and the bear in ten paces and in full stride, leapt in the air and gave a full swinged soccer kick to the bear’s groin. The bear froze, and in slow motion, dropped to all fours and limped off emitting an occasional whimper. Duke got to his feet, groaning and clutching his chest “d’ you just kick that ole’ boy in the jewels?” he managed through gritted teeth. “Yeah, it’s all I could think of” Magma said sheepishly. “That just ain’t right, k? I know he was trying bite my head off and stuff, but he’s a bear, k? That’s what they do, they bite people’s head off, you don’t just go kickin ‘em in the stones like that…….By the way, thanks for saving my life, I mean…I had it under control, I woulda handle it, but thanks, now c’mon lets get back to the rest of team.” Min Diesel was beside herself “Oh My Gosh….THAT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING I EVER SAW!!!! I had no idea this expedition was going to be so much fun, that’s gotta be some kind of record or something, I’m sure nobody’s ever done that before, kick a full grown grizzly bear in the nuts like that!!!!” Picking up his pack, Duke turned to the team, “If any of you no names would care to trade places with me, I’ll gladly trade with any of you, I’ll carry the packs, I’ll be a no name, okay? I’m just saying….if any of you would care to step up and do some of this ‘danger’ stuff, be my guest”. Duke led the band of no name scientist and labor/porters along with Magma Dawg out across the vastness of the tundra region of Denali National Park. He was eager to get them past this portion of the journey as they all had feelings of vulnerability brought about the magnificent emptiness that surrounded them. As she was prone to do, Min Diesel popped in and out and floated along with the team, occasionally chiming in with a tidbit of information that she gleaned from her ever present laptop. “How much longer do you think it’ll take Duke?” asked Magma as the sun approached midday. “Not sure Magma, I never been here before, but near as I can figure it, we’ve been walking across this rolling grass land for awhile now and pretty soon we should be coming up on a glacier”. Brilliant, Magma mused to herself, could he be anymore vague? Guess it doesn’t really matter, the team is not going to get there unless we keep walking. Magma was anxious to get to the glacier as that is where she saw the scientific portion of the expedition really getting started. Up to this point, the expedition had consisted of a series of misadventures and excitement, all very entertaining, but not exactly what she had come to this big place for. As the team continued to trek across the rolling grassland that was the tundra, they began to feel a subtle change in the air, a bit of a chill, like one might feel when skin comes in close proximity to ice but doesn’t quite touch it. The change was ever so slight at first, but the closer they approached the base of the mighty peaks of the Alaskan Range the more the change in the air became more noticeable. Every member was eager to reach the swell of ground that would signal the end of their march across the tundra, and the change in the air temperature was due to their nearing the glacier, massive flows of ice that carve out and shape the ground they pass over. The change that could be felt in the air served to energize the expedition members and they all leaned into their packs a little more eagerly in anticipation of changing their scenery. “Okay, let’s hold up here” Duke announced. “Ahh….ohh….ughh” groaned the members of the expedition, “Why now, when we are so close?” “Besides, there is still plenty of daylight left” could be heard as Duke brought their march to a halt. “Because we’ve been traveling for nearly 13 hours” he explained “and although everyone is excited about reaching the foot of the range, we are all tired and there is nothing that can be done now that can’t be done after some rest……and it’s 12:30…..AM, this is Alaska in the summer, it doesn’t get dark here, so let’s get some rest and we’ll hit it in the morning”. Duke turned to Min who was floating several feet from him, figuring the team was busying themselves with preparing to bed down for a few hours and wouldn’t notice him apparently talking to himself, and asked if she could “*pop*” in and serve as a wake up service for them in the morning. After agreeing, Min floated over near Magma “he seems a little grumpy to me, does he seem like that to you?” she asked the geologist. “He’s been a couple days now without any beer, he gets that way”. “Ahh, well….see you in the morning”. ‘Morning’ actually was nothing more than just a couple of hours later, with the same light as when they had gone to sleep, and for all appearances seemed as if no time at all had passed “damn daylight” grumbled Duke. But for the scientist of the group it was if it were Christmas morning and they bounded from their sleeping places and set about breaking camp with a fervor that was unappreciated by the expedition leader. “Settle down…..you….there….with the glasses” he growled at one. “I have a name, you know” replied the bespectacled, indignantly pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose “my name is-“ he began before being cut off “Ahht ahht, I don’t wanna know your name, that way when you killed it will be as if you were never here, never existed” Duke stated. “What makes you think that I’m going to get killed?” replied the no name. “Your kind always does on these things” Duke explained. “My kind? Dude, I’m from Cleveland, I don’t know what you think my kind is, but I’m not any different than you or anybody else on this trip, ok?”. “Yeah, whatever….we’ll see” Duke said dryly, turning to the group, “Saddle up gang, today we’re going across the glacier, which is what all you nerds have been waiting for, it can be dangerous, there could be crevices that drop hundreds of feet away below us that are concealed by a thin sheet of ice, just waiting for one of us to step on and break through. So we are going to take some precautions, we are all going to be tied off together in the event one or several of us break through, the others can anchor off and pull them to safety. Any questions? Let’s get started.” “What happens if the ones that fall drag the rest of the group down with them?” asked Min. Duke paused for a minute in thought, “Okay, everybody pair off”. Duke looked around for Magma and caught her eye “I’m not partnering with you” she said. “Why not?” he said “’cuz I’m a girl and you weigh more than me, if you break through there’s no way I could pull you up or keep you from pulling me down with you, grab four eyes over there” she indicated with a jerk of her head in the direction of the no name that Duke had spoken with earlier. “Great” he muttered to himself. “Now maybe you’ll let me tell you my name?” inquired the no name. “Yeah, whatever…here, pull my finger.” The group set out from their campsite and made their way to the edge of the glacier where they completed their safety precautions and paired off with safety lines. The sunlight off the white surface of icy snow was near blinding to the expedition. The sight of millions of tons of ice making a journey towards the ocean was awe inspiring, and coupled with the notion that it was summer time and a rather balmy 59 degrees made for a rather surreal feeling as the expedition transitioned from a group traveling towards a destination to a team of scientist gathering and analyzing data. At the center of it all was Magma Dawg, like a butterfly she flitted from one group to another, directing and questioning, overjoyed to be finally doing instead of studying, and observing the work of others. Now, she finally was at the helm of her own expedition and her findings here were going to be brought back for others to pore over and study. Her exhilaration was evident as Duke and the rest of the laborer/porters, who were unessential to the scientific aspect of the trip, did their best to stay out of the way or lend a hand when it was needed. The no name that Duke was paired with was especially excited about a certain feature of the glacier that was some distance away from where the rest of the group was working, “it’s a Moulin, a vertical or nearly vertical shaft in the ice that is created by water, usually from the melting of the surface ice, and usually found after a relatively flat section of a glacier” he explained excitedly. “So” replied Duke “what’s the significance of this?” he questioned “I mean, it’s just a big hunk of ice that is moving in a downhill direction, big whoop, I’m no scientist, but I think they call that ‘gravity’” he went on sarcastically. “Ahem” began the no name “actually, glaciers play a very prominent role in the environment, and have an adverse effect on things like…global warming, which in turn has a pretty big impact on everything, so if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to take some samples of the ice”. Duke rolled his eyes and relented, after all, this is why he had brought them out here. “Don’t get to close the edge” he cautioned, as the no name was leaning precariously over the edge of the pothole. The moulin varied in width from only a couple of feet to ten or twelve feet across at it’s widest point, and resembled nothing more than just a crack in the ice, like a stream that ran over rocks, only in this instance the water ran over ice, ice from the glacier itself. “I think it goes all the way to the bedrock!” exclaimed the no name. “It’s wide and shows no signs of narrowing as it gets deeper!! We have to get Magma, she’ll want to see this!” he went on. “Hold on, what are you talking about, and try and keep in mind I’m not an ice nerd” Duke said haltingly. “The moulin, I think it runs all the way to the bedrock, the actual ground surface that the glacier travels over, and if this one goes all the way to the bottom then Magma is going to want to explore it, to get down to the rocks that this glacier is traveling over, its’ one of the primary reasons that she wanted to come here” he explained. The excited no name took off in the direction of Magma and the rest of the team, nearly dragging Duke along behind him. He hurriedly explained to Magma what he had found and his belief that the moulin created a conduit all the way through the glacier to the ground underneath. “Okay, get everybody together and we’ll all go take a look” Magma ordered. “How thick do you think the ice is?” asked Duke as they approached the edge of the moulin “from where we are standing to the ground underneath, I mean”. “It’s hard to tell for sure, and we won’t be able to tell for certain until we get to the bedrock” she explained. The group was gathered around the edge of the moulin, and Min whispered to Duke, who was peering over the edge trying to determine where the water that was running off was disappearing to, “Duke, don’t you think it’s kind of dangerous for everybody to be standing this close to the edge, I mean isn’t the water that is running off here just like in a stream, where it can weaken the ‘banks’? And with everyone standing near the edge, couldn’t it give way and everybody would fall in?”. “Hmmm, well all these science people don’t seem to be to concerned with it” Duke responded “so, I guess it must-“ |
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