Chinese Table Manners

          Table manners are important to everyone, from old to young, Western families to Eastern families. Especially in China, dining customs are very rigid. Whether it is the proper way to seat guests or the appropriate toast, there is a special method for pretty much everything one does at the dining table.

         As a host, punctuality is a must. It is considered extremely rude for a host to arrive later than his or her guests. It is good for the host to be there once people start arriving, as guests only begin to eat once everybody is seated. Otherwise, nobody gets to eat! The host himself will traditionally sit in the seat facing the door, which should also be the seat furthest away from the door. While seating the guests, the host should place the most important person to his or her right, with the next most important on the left. The host usually is an active talker during the meal, often encouraging the guests to eat more, drink more, and essentially, enjoy the meal. Typically, before the beginning of the meal, the host will toast to the guests, and say a simple prologue to start the meal. I remember one time, when my grandfather took my family and I out to dinner with some mutual friends of the local journalist, the host, who had arrived before us, rose to guide my grandfather to the seat of honor-the one on his right. The journalist, who was the one with the connections, sat on his left. As the first dishes began to arrive, the host stood up, and began making a toast to everybody's good health. After we all toasted back, the meal began.

         As a guest, the requirements are slightly more demanding. Firstly, upon arrival, the guest must wait for the host to sit before seating himself or herself, but one must also wait for the hosts's invitation. At more formal banquets, finishing all the dishes is a subliminal message saying, "it was not enough food, and the banquet was not good enough!" One improper thing to do at the table is taking the last piece of anything from a dish. This shows disrespect and greediness. During the banquet, though, since the dishes are placed on a Lazy Susan, the Lazy Susan must always be turned clockwise, when reaching for food. It is also poor manners to try and reach across the table or another person to grab something, like the teapot, or wine bottle. Alternatively, one can spin the Lazy Susan around, slowly, until the desired dish or beverage is within reach, then proceed to serve the food. One thing to be careful of before spinning is another person about to reach for something in front of him or her. The correct response would be to wait for the person who is trying to serve themselves with what is in front of him or her, and then reach over to rotate the Lazy Susan".

         If the tea or chosen beverage is not within one's reach, wait for somebody closer to the drinks to begin pouring refills for others. Usually, this doesn't take long. When filling the cups, however, there once more is a special order and method. Starting with the oldest and most superior person present, one works his or her way down the social ladder, ending with oneself. When doing the pouring, one cannot pour other people's tea with one's wrist and fist facing up or outwards. This shows rebelliousness, and is also considered improper. If one is on the receiving end of the drink, it is proper to thank the person pouring the drink by tapping one or two fingers on the table. This is sometimes interpreted as a nod or bow of thank you and respect to the person who poured the drink. Even though this is a tradition dating back to the Qing Dynasty, when there was a Manchurian emperor ruling China, it is still important, because this is a way to show thanks without actually having to get up to bow or "kou tou" (kow tow). If this system were not in place today, I can only imagine what a banquet would be like, with everybody getting up to prostrate and "kow tow" to whomever was pouring tea. In my family, the seating etiquette is a big deal, as my mom believes it shows proper respect to the elderly, and mainly our grandfather, because he is the one who usually takes us out to events that require such manners. My sister and I always keep in mind to turn the Lazy Susan clockwise, because some superstitions have it that turning it anti-clockwise is symbolic of regression, while turning it clockwise represents good luck, prosperity, and large accomplishments on the way. One time, when my grandfather had some guests over for an important religious meeting, my sister and I were assigned the task of refilling the guests' teacups. The guests were seated on the wall side of the table, and it was difficult to maneuver between the chairs and wall. Therefore, when it came time to refill the guests' tea, we had trouble reaching one guest's cup, because the gap was too small to squeeze through. To solve the problem, I poured the tea with my wrist facing up, the only way I was able to reach through the gap between guests and have the tea pour into the cup. After the meeting was over, a monk remarked that what I had done was not proper, and that one should never pour drinks with a flipped hand. According to my grandfather, this is inauspicious, and also poor manners.

         During the meal, there are also many things people cannot do because it is disrespectful or bad luck. For starters, one should not use chopsticks to point at others. This is considered rude and unsanitary. When pointing at others, the chopsticks are considered as a finger extension. Amongst other reasons, this is also the equivalence of cursing the person the chopsticks are pointed at. Another frequently frowned upon use of chopsticks is sticking them vertically in one's rice bowl. The appearance of two chopsticks vertically protruding from the bowl is very similar to that of an offering to the deceased, and is therefore considered bad luck. I recall once innocently sticking my chopsticks vertically in my rice bowl at home, because I had wanted to go get a drink from the fridge, and my chopsticks wouldn't stay put when I set them down. My mom, seeing what I had done, was horrified and told me with great solemnity that I should never, under any circumstances, do such a thing again. She explained that it was synonymous to a curse upon whomever the chopsticks were pointed at.

         Compared to Western culture, Chinese dining culture is interesting because there are so many typical customs involved in Western practices that the Chinese would frown upon. From seating orders to chopstick etiquette, there are multitudes of frowned upon gestures at the dining table that Chinese frequently take offence to. Also, it is interesting how a simple meal can be so elaborately planned, down to the last dessert, in order to impress the guests with the traditional Chinese delicacies and the restaurant's best dishes. In conclusion, while some banquets may look simple, there is actually a very complex methodology behind what goes in to the planning of the food and what comes out of the restaurant kitchen.