The Fan Girl Me

The first concert experience is controversial. You never know how it'll turn out. For me, I loved it. Until it came time to meet the singer and get autographs. Have you ever had that feeling when you walk up to a crush and every sentence that ever made sense or sounded cool came out sounding like you threw the words in the dryer and scrambled them up. Then, pretty soon your mouth itself feels like the dryer; dry and scratchy and the heat flushes your face and ears. That's how I felt when I walked up to the lead singer. He was gorgeous and flawless and when he smiled at me I melted and clammed up at the same time. Looking back I wish I would've done something. Anything. Just so that I looked even remotely normal and not little kid-ish. As I a teenager, I always thought I had the upper hand. I never really felt out of place or awkward growing up, and talking to guys was never really an issue for me. I would smile and flirt like every other girl, and most of the time I felt pretty confident. But standing there in the audience, I realized I'm not like every other girl. Most girls would love to go to a concert, their bodies brushing against people in the crowd, but standing there, I felt more alone than ever. I'm so used to jamming out to music in my car, blaring the music and singing along, but I've always had the luxury of the volume button. Being there, made me want to be up on stage again. I know what you're thinking: 'Again?' Yeah. I used to sing on stage in front of hundreds of people when I was about 12. It was great and people loved me. But when you start to grow up, you become more self-conscientious and afraid of messing up or people not liking or accepting you. So I stopped. And  now, here I am sitting at my computer 6 years later, telling you about my first concert and wishing I hadn't fan-girled on the lead singer and wishing I could, not become invisible like most people would think, but switch places with him, and be back in the shoes I used to fit in so-well. All of this, because I listened to Pain by Three Days Grace.