Musings

Photograph.
Isn’t taking a photograph the biggest gamble? It can be the most wonderful memory or a constant reminder of a regretful moment. I have a gambling addiction.

TakeMeOrLeaveMe.
I think it’s good to know who you are, what you value, what you live for, what ideals you strive for, what you believe in. Even better is recognizing these things and letting them be known without shame. I’d be a hypocrite if I said that I’ve never hidden my true self to please someone else. We all do it. But there comes a point when you have to give all that up and accept who you are. Take it or leave it. People like you or they don’t. Two options. Either way you win in the end. They like you: great you have friends. They don’t: great you don’t have to waste your time with someone who wishes you were someone you’re not. Like I said, either way, you win.

I’ll say it: I’m selfish. I know it. I accept it. Hell, I love it. Why do people always think selfish automatically means bad-person? Those aren’t synonyms. Sometimes connotations lie. Like people. First impressions might be right, but most of the time they aren’t.

I’ll say it again: I’m selfish. I do what’s good for me. I do what brings me happiness. I’m not a heathen. Self-interest is the name of the game. Wait. Before you judge. I don’t step on others. Some people say selfishness gets you nowhere; I say it gets me everywhere.

A is A, not B. Self-interest is self-interest, not a moral problem. Talk about morals to me. Lecture me. Tell me my morals aren’t correct. Call me a heathen. Call me an atheist. Call me amoral or immoral or whatever you want. I don’t know who gave you the ability to judge my morals by the standards of yours. Moral relativism is the rule. Don’t judge me by you. I do what’s best for me, not what’s best for you. I am not my brother’s keeper, unless it pleases me to be. My happiness is my aim, my goal, my life, my flame. Before you can live, you must first recognize two things. One. Like I’ve said A is A and there is nothing that can change that. Non-contradiction is a truth, a law, a constant. You are you and I am me, so don’t try and tell me that I am “this” or I am “that” because I am me and that’s all I can be. One presupposes number two. Before you can live you have to know “I”. The word, the idea, the person it represents. I. Io. Yo. English. Italian. Spanish. I could say it in Russian but it doesn’t change the meaning. Words are arbitrary. The meaning is what matters.

Before you judge me—which honestly doesn’t affect me in the slightest—ask yourself if you are happy. Will judging me make you happy? Go for it. Who am I to tell you what will and will not bring you happiness? I’m just saying. Take a look at yourself. Who are you? Do you even know?

Like I said. Take me or leave me. I am me like A is A and that is that. I’m selfish. I’m an egoist. I’m happy.

A.Is.A.
I’m not going to try to define love. There isn’t a universal definition—does anything have a universal definition? I think there might be one. A is A. At least that’s what Rand says (and the great philosophers before her). The law of non-contradiction. A is A, and A cannot be B. I cannot be me and also be you. I can’t be myself and someone else—so why do I try?

When I say I love someone, I am making a statement. An objective statement that deals with emotions—is that possible? It is now. “To say ‘I love you’ one must first know how to say the ‘I’”, to quote Rand again. It’s true. To say “I love you” is to accept one’s own self, to declare a degree of self-comprehension, self-acceptance. To say “I love you” one must recognize his values, his highest ideals.

A three word declaration. That’s it.

It is so much more.

“I love you” is seeing one’s highest ideals in another, humbling oneself to admit that these ideals exist in another but might not necessarily exist in oneself, and to proclaim it for the world to know.

“I love you” is a selfish phrase. Humans need love. We need love. We. Me and you and her and him. We need love. To say “I love you” is to gain more than just another’s company. To say “I love you” is to enter into a partnership, a relationship in which trade occurs in both directions, trade which is essentially selfish, for one’s own necessity and not for anyone else.

Sex is the physical incarnation of this transaction, the culmination of a common goal, the coming together of two people recognizing in each other the qualities that they strive to achieve.

So when I say “I love you”, don’t get confused. Just know that I mean it. And that I am selfish. And that you are too. Whether you know it or not. And A is A. And love is love. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Sigma.
All our lives are but the sum of our choices. An accumulation of things past, decisions made, successes and failures. Make one decision different and your can change drastically. But you already know that.

String theory says every choice breaks the universe in two, creating parallel universes. There’s a universe somewhere in which Hitler never lost WWII. Hiroshima never happened. I didn’t eat that sandwich earlier or smoke that cigar yesterday.

What could I have done differently? What could I be today if not for a couple minor choices? It’s not wise to ponder these things. Live your life with no regrets. That’s what I say. And yes, it sounds cliche, but it’s true. Who cares if your life is about as complicated as a high school algebra problem? Regret and nostalgia—which is really just regret masked by “happiness”—serve no purpose in the ultimate equation. Call it Sigma: life. Call it choiceA+choiceB+choiceC+…ad infinitum.

I’m not trying to figure out the meaning of life here—does it even have one?—I’m just trying to make a point. I’ll continue to say it ad nauseum until you understand. Live. Live well. Live fast. Live. Live. Live. Live. Until you die.