There once was a butler... |
Honorable Mention winner in Round 101 of "Invalid Item" . There once was a butler who sat down to supper his place at the head of the table. The chauffeur had stayed and the kitchen maid would serve them as best she was able. “But what is this goo? I want my beef stew,” said the butler in an uproar. The cook much dismayed, to her helper relayed to chuck the contents to the floor. “I do say, good madam, that I cannot fathom your actions before me right now!” “And dare I say then to please you is akin to sew purses from ears of a sow!” “Enough of this nonsense! Tidy up this instance if you know what is good for you!” “Though you are bemused, I most happily refuse and I’ll take my leave at morning’s dew.” “But who’s to assist in the great catalyst of St. Patrick’s Day feast for the house?” “But what do I care? I’m no longer there. And dare I say, sir, you’re a louse!” “Well good God in Heaven, I’ve never been spoken to thusly by one who’s a cook!” “I can’t say I’m sorry, but my, what such folly to work with the likes of a crook!” “Of what are you talking? You must stop that squawking before my lord hears all this fuss.” “I welcome it, sir, as I love a good stir. My lord ought to know who to trust.” “And again must I say that the St. Patrick’s Day feast for the family is a ruin.” The cook looked about her, then sat down beside her kitchen maid, already a shoo-in. “I will say, moreover, that a four-leaf clover is a most mighty good luck charm.” The cook most pleased with herself produced from the far shelf a box, while causing alarm. “No, no, this will not do, now back to my beef stew. I’m almost to ring dressing gong.” “I will only help you if you will admit you have always been deep in the wrong.” “Though I might like to spar, that is going too far. Be gone before it turns to autumn.” She turned around to go, and the butler would throw his foot – down she went on her bottom. |