Shine

Pretend that you see yourself walking into a room. What is your first impression of yourself? What stands out about you? Now change the room you are entering (gym, office, church, etc) How does that change your impression?

I decided to not do this as a normal blog prompt response, but wrote a short story instead. It's a quick write and I haven't edited any of it - I simply wrote what I was feeling. I apologize for straying from 'normalcy'.

Shine

Uriel greets me with his famous smile and walks me to a door marked “Observation.” Without a touch the door slides open. Uriel extends his arm suggesting I walk through the doorway. I do and once inside I glance around the semi-dark room. Closest to me stands a bank of computers and monitors that reminds me of a control room for NASA. Two men are sitting in rolling chairs clicking away at the keyboards. Both look up at Uriel and I and smile. One waves a small wave then turns back to the screens in front of him. Beyond the control center I see the remainder of the room. Opposite the door we entered is a theatre screen that take sup nearly the entire wall. There is a viewing area that faces the large screen with couches and chairs that look incredibly plush and welcoming.

Another man approaches and thanks Uriel for bringing me this far. Uriel takes my hand, bends at the waist, and places a soft, warm kiss upon my hand, then removes himself from the room. I blush and thank him. This new man puts his arm lovingly around my shoulder and I feel the nervousness that has building in my solar plexus melt away. He introduces himself as Raphael and leads me around the bank of computers towards the viewing area. Together we sit on the warm brown couch and it feels like we are sitting on a firm, yet snuggly cloud. Raphael asks if I would like something to drink while we wait for the others to arrive. I realize how dry my throat is and ask for a class of water to quench my thirst. Without any obvious signs that Raphael has summoned anyone, a young man with flowing blond hair arrives and sets two glasses of ice water on the table in front of us.

While I am sipping my cold water two more men join us in the viewing area. Both walk over to me; one places a soft kiss on each of my cheeks, the other kisses my hand. These two are introduced as Gabriel and Michael as they take seats on either side of the couch. The three men are beyond beautiful and have smiles that gleam like the sun.

Michael turns to the people at the control station and says “Please, ask the Metatron to show us March 14, 2013.” The men begin typing into their computers the information requested. The lights dim even further and the screen in front of us comes to life. Gabriel turns to me and in the most melodic voice presents a request “We are getting ready to show you a scene from your life. We want you to tell us what you notice about yourself.” I must have had a confused look upon my face for Raphael takes my hand in his and squeezes ever so gently as if to say “it’s okay.”

I watch the screen. I see myself unlocking the door to my classroom. “Well, I see that I have a content look upon my face. I only have my lunch with me so I must be caught up on my work and have been able to have a night where I didn’t spend hours working on school work at home. “

“Very nice,” comments Michael. “Tell us more. If you didn’t know you, what would you think.”

I sit quietly watching the screen where the woman moves about the room with confidence. She seems to have a mental list of what needs to be done and she sets about getting it going. The woman feels comfortable with herself and with the environment she has created for her students. She seems totally in control of her life and exudes an inner strength. The woman on the screen seems proud to be a teacher and knows that she impacts the lives of those around her in a positive way. These things I notice and turn over in my mind, but don’t speak.

“Absolutely correct!” beams Gabriel even though I have yet to say another word. “You have described the woman, yourself, perfectly. Wonderful.”

Michael turns back to the men at the computers. “Set Metatron for ‘familiar crowd’ and ‘alone’.” As he says this words my stomach clinches. Raphael senses this and squeezes my hand again.

“Now, Beloved, tell us about this woman.”

On the screen I see myself walking alone into a crowded room. There are people I know here that are already engaged in conversation with others. The woman on the screen, me, walks around the periphery of the throng of people while searching the faces. Her lips twist with indecision and she appears nervous. I sense that she is comparing herself to others - looking at their happy faces and joyful voices, looking at their shapely bodies in beautiful clothing, hearing their laughter as their share stories with their friends. She looks down at the floor seeming to wonder what she is even doing there, wondering why she bothered to come in the first place. She continues to the table of punch and snacks. She takes a glass and sips while still scanning faces. She is hoping someone sees her and pulls her into their group because she is too fearful to walk up and intrude on already formed smaller parties. Her mind tumbles over many thoughts - “What if they turn me away?”, “What if the act as if they don’t see me at all?”, “Why can’t I just fit in?” The woman’s confidence, my confidence, in this scenario is low. I question my worth and value to the world. I wonder why I try to meet new people, why do I ever leave my home. She feels lost, like she’ll never find a place where others welcome her, like she’s unworthy of friendship and love. Another sip of punch, eyes scanning the room. People glancing up at her then quickly looking away. The woman heads back towards the door and exits the room.

Raphael puts a comforting arm around my shoulder and hands me a tissue as he watches the tears slide down my face. I didn’t like this scene. I didn’t like myself for the weaknesses and lack of confidence I displayed. The three have heard my thoughts and felt my pain.

“Dear Beloved,” Michael begins, “please, let us explain and help. We did not show you this to hurt you. We want you to feel no pain. We do, however, wish for you to feel the confidence and control from the first scene all the time. You are worthy of love and friendship and all the glories that come with them. But you must let yourself shine. Too often you hide your inner light from those around you for fear they will hurt or reject you. They will reject the darkness and shadows that you display when your light is hidden. If you let the beauty, love, and warmth of your soul shine, no one will deny you.”

Gabriel added, “We know you remember the song from your childhood - you’ve used the same knowledge to help the children in your care.” He softly began to sing: “’This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Hide it under bushel, no! I’m going to let it shine.’ Beloved, don’t hide your light. It’s too beautiful to not share with the world.”

Raphael stood, took my hands, and pulled me to my feet. He then turned me so that stood facing him. “You are a gift, a treasure, and the reason angels sing. You are loved by many here, in your world, and in worlds yet to come. Never forget that.”

Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael each wrapped me in their arms and each whispered personal prayers that would call down their strength when I felt I needed them near. Then they passed me off again to Uriel who led me out of the Observation room. As he sent me off with a kiss to the forehead he spoke softly to me: “Shine, Dear One, shine.”