Lee Ann - Dirty Little Secrets

Introduction:



 

This is a story about the life of a woman who was a “Black Market” baby in the 1950’s and what she has gone through in her life, no matter how good, bad or ugly.  She just wants to reconnect with her siblings and maybe have the chance to meet her mom.



Her life began with her new parents, who were not married to each other, therefore, could never legally adopt her.  Why?  They could never legally adopt her because she was “purchased” illegally.  As she grew up, Lee Ann always felt disconnected and never felt like she fit in anywhere.  Her life with her “parents” changed as she started to become a young woman and changed her radically.



There was a part of her life in which I was involved and that is when she was first brought home at the age of three months.  She was a beautiful little baby and I was so excited that I got to help take care of her.  I was eight years old and I yearned for a baby sister and she was the closest thing that I was going to have as a sister, it seems.  She followed me around when she was four and five and she drove me crazy just like little sisters do.  As I entered high school, my interest expanded and I was very active in school so I saw my little friend hardly at all.  When I was eighteen, I went away to school and rarely got to see Lee Ann unless I would stop by their house on vacations and soon I lost track of her.



Only recently, we reconnected and started talking and catching up on everything in our lives.  It was then that I began to learn more of my friend’s feelings and her insecurities and her feelings of not belonging.  Her life had been a rough one and now she was in her fifties and was feeling as insecure and lost as when she was a little girl.



Please, read her story and my small part in it and if you can help us connect her with her siblings, her biological mother or any other family members, we ask that you contact us at the following email address:  [e-mail]

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Some names have been changed to protect their privacy and that of their families.  I hope this book will bring some closure to Lee Ann and might possibly reconnect her with some of the people she needs in her life; her biological family.  I hope someone out there can help her.





 

Chapter 1 – The Present

 

“Come here, you little whore,” her father screamed.  His face was twisted and cruel.  The thick black rubber strap with the metal grommets stung the back of her legs and Lee Ann pulled away from him.  He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer, bringing the strap down across her back and her arms.  He hit her over and over while she begged him to stop.  She screamed, “Stop, Daddy. Please, I won’t do it again, Daddy.  What did I do? Please, stop.” 



She was sobbing and her face was wet with tears. She was so tired. She looked up and saw that she was in the dining room at her parents’ home.  She sat straight up.  Her clothes were damp and her hair was wet.  She wasn’t sure if it was from the recurring nightmare or the heat.  Probably a little bit of both.  It was the hottest day that Lee Ann could ever remember.  She went into the tiny kitchen to the old kitchen sink and splashed cold water on her face; the petite middle aged woman was still trembling. 



The nightmare was still so vivid in her mind.  Memories always seem to creep up on her when she was here.  She came out of the kitchen and surveyed the work before her.  Her gray hair was pulled up and back knowing that the day was going to be an emotional one and hot.  The air hung heavy in the little house.  Sometimes, she felt like she was choking with the stench or maybe smothering in the heat and the memories.  That’s when she decided to purchase two fans from the little store in the village a few minutes away and then she could move them from room to room.

 

She got into her truck and backed it out of the driveway.  She needed that time away from the house.  She started to cry on the drive to town.  She just pulled off the road to gather her emotions.  She really didn’t want to break down in front of strangers.  Unfortunately, that’s what they were, strangers even though she had known most of them all her life.  Most of them knew the kind of life she had led and thought of her as a sassy, man chasing hussy.  She smiled.  She could have that attitude when she saw people she had gone to school with… and she really didn’t care.  No one needed to know how insecure and alone she felt inside.  She hid it well.  She could exude that cocky attitude and act like nothing bothered her.  No one would ever see her in pain or cry.  She looked at herself in the mirror and she didn’t look quite as strained.  The air conditioning in the truck helped her get her composure.



A few minutes later, she pulled into a parking spot in front of the hardware store and went in.  The bell over the door announced her arrival and she began looking at some of the fans that were displayed.  She was wearing her Daisy Duke shorts and a tank top with sandals.  In her fifties, she didn’t quite look the way she used to look in that outfit, but she didn’t care.  It was hot and she had hot work to do and she was going to be comfortable.



The manager came over to see if he could help her, Lee Ann knew that he had been checking her out.  She smiled.  What else did he have to do?  The store was empty except for her.  “Hey, Lee Ann,” he said politely, “sorry to hear about your dad.  I hope that he went peacefully.”  She smiled, “Good Morning and thank you, Joe, and yes, Dad did go peacebully.”  And alone.





She found herself thinking, how unfortunate it was that he lingered for the better part of the year.  It was a very long year for her; she had been the only one who helped with her “father” at all.  His two biological children wanted nothing to do with him.  They always considered Lee Ann, as "the little princess", since she had more of their dad’s time and money.  They had no idea the hell she went through for a part of her life.



He had been mean, as ever.  So many times, she just wanted to spew out some of the venomous things he said, to her, right back in his face.  He couldn’t help hurting people.  He was malicious.  It was like a disease.  It had infected every part of his being.  He’d been that way for so long that she expected nothing less from him.



Being alone and having all his kids despise him, you would have thought that he would have mellowed over the years.  But, not Willie and the sad part was that he never forgave his son for the accidental death of his baby girl.  He treated him like a stranger at times and no love was showered on the little boy.  The son took it to heart, all his life and in turn hated his father.  It was sad, because he didn’t deserve his father’s wrath or his blame for an accident that happened when they were so little.  No one deserved to feel like that.  But, Lee Ann understood what the son was going through as an adult.  She never understood his attitude towards her when she was a child. There was so much she hadn’t understood then but that she understood as she grew up and felt the same feelings of pain and hate.



She had arranged for hospice and didn’t go to see him unless she absolutely had to. No one else wanted to take care of him or go see him.  Willie had lost the love and caring of all his children and the comfort they could have given him in his last days.



Her thoughts came back to reality and the business at hand and continued the conversation with the salesman, “Anyway, I’m down at the house going through things and it so hot, I need a couple of fans to help cool it off, a bit.”  “No problem … I think an oscillating fan is your best investment; it really moves the air around.  Help make it a bit more comfortable.  What do you think?”



“I’ll take them both, thanks.  Thank God, the electricity is still on.”  She paid for the fans and Joe carried them out to the truck for her.  She thanked him and climbed back in the truck, backed it up and headed back to her childhood home. She had so many mixed feelings about it.  Why did she bother?  No one else cared.  She felt like just walking away.  She thought of how much she had done for him over the years, taking care of “ma” and him, despite her feelings for him.  When the will was read, he left her nothing.  He left his son and daughter one hundred dollars each.  Nieces and nephews were remembered but she wasn’t “blood”.  He had reminded her of that often. But, that was alright, she didn’t want anything from her father.  She probably would have burned it in a bonfire.  However, there was something that she was looking for and being in that house was the only way to find it.